Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out.

Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”.

If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

@godmum56 yes. Well said.

See I find maxi skirts (in the right material) much cooler than bare legs. Especially shorts, unless they've very loose. You don't see people in hot climates walking around in shorts and vest tops do you? There's a reason most people cover in very hot countries.
Plus really we should all cover our skin when the sun's out, other than for maybe very short periods. Clothing and shade are better than sunscreen alone.
But yes I think it's rude to comment on people's appearance and choice of clothing unless you're paying them a compliment. Her comment is something a parent would say to a child.

I have never said it to anyone

It's my business it if affect me and I've given examples of how it affects other people above.

I think comfort reasonably covers all of that - weight or SH related, from PP it sounds like even if they are hotter dressed than way, they are more comfortable overall without showing parts of their body they are uncomfortable with. Skin cancer, you’re more comfortable covering up than risking health implications. See also religious and modesty reasons.

In fact, if I had something to hide that meant I had to wear unseasonable clothes, I’d rather someone ask so I can say “now you mention it I am warm, can we go somewhere air conditioned”, given it sounds as though the person asking has concern for my wellbeing.

I was meeting a friend somewhere the other day and she mentioned she was driving. She’s never said but she rarely drives and I suspect it’s due to anxiety. So I asked if she was alright driving there, she said she’d found a longer way with no motorways so she’d be okay, I offered to pick her up, she was delighted and took me up on the offer. I suppose I should’ve been more sensitive to her anxieties and insecurities and not mentioned it…

There are about a million things people say that can be misinterpreted and taken offensively. People can’t avoid saying these things or we all become too scared to say anything. In my view, resilience has to be the only way forward to keep your sanity.

I wouldn’t be suggesting resilience is the route if the other person had said “you fat cow, what are you wearing?!”… I’d be suggesting boundaries and ending the relationship. (And I’m not for ONE SECOND suggesting the OP or anyone else is a fat cow, I’m using a common, rude and hurtful fatphobic term to make a point).

"See I find maxi skirts (in the right material) much cooler than bare legs."

Sometimes you need something to absorb the sweat!

Get this every year as someone who wears hijab. As if I will take it off because of the sun...?😅🤣

I once had a lady ask me if I wasn’t hot in my marten boots 😂 I reminded her that I come from the Caribbean.

How do you figure that because I actually have a good amount of friends.

Met up with three yesterday and two on Friday, I’m visiting one in London on Friday for a concert and on Sunday I’m meeting two for breakfast/brunch.

So how does your theory work that I’m apparently hard work when in the space of a week I’ve been out with 8 different people.

I can genuinely say I’ve never spoken to an adult like a child and reminded them about a coat.

Personally I'd rather see someone wearing a 3/4 sleeve t shirt than a strappy top any day, if they' re old enough to know better.
In any case people generally should keep their sticky beaks out, if you're comfortable what business is it of theirs .
Anyway a 3/4 sleeve top is hardly overdressing for May in the UK, it's not December in Oz.

So funny - I was only having this conversation with my DM yesterday.

I'd bumped into my MIL in town and she'd looked at my jeans, as she has many times in the past, and said 'Oooh, aren't you hot in that? You need to get some shorts on!' It really makes me annoyed that she can't look at me without commenting on my choices, or using her imagination to think why I don't want to wear shorts.

I was moaning to my DM about this, and she said she was guilty of this too; she'd just commented to a friend she'd seen in town, 'Look at you with your legs out'. She said she could now see that might not have been great either!

I don't think there's really any need to comment on people's clothes unless it's an obvious compliment. It's rude and makes people who are probably already self-concious, even more so.

Annoying and unnecessary. Most people can work out if they are comfortable and happy with their outfit choices.

I’m overweight and wouldn’t be bothered by this. It’s just normal conversation!

I've never said any of those things to a grown adult, no.

I just assume that adults are capable of dressing themselves without my input, and that if they've chosen to wear long trousers in a heatwave, then it's probably for a good reason - and one that's absolutely nothing to do with me.

It's really not any of your business, however much you may like to think otherwise.

There are about a million things people say that can be misinterpreted and taken offensively. People can’t avoid saying these things or we all become too scared to say anything. In my view, resilience has to be the only way forward to keep your sanity.

For me, avoiding making personal comments about someone's choice of clothing is just completely unnecessary (unless you're being complimentary).

You wouldn't need to worry about being misinterpreted or causing offence if you just...didn't say anything in the first place.

If I'm too hot and want to go somewhere with air conditioning, then I would just say so. I don't need someone making an awkward comment about my appearance to do that.

Don't worry - it seems to be the default insult on MN these days.

Urgh. Conversation is getting too difficult.

Ask her if she has ever noticed what people who live in very hot countries wear.. they are not stupid enough to expose their flesh to the searingly hot sun.

Exactly people can't mind read and know exactly what they are supposed to say.

It's part of life learning how to brush things off or make light.

This 100%

I really don't think it's that hard to avoid making unnecessary comments about someone's outfit.

My dad is the king of this sort of question.

Won't you be too hot? No im feeling cold today
Won't you be to cold? Here's the jumper I'm bringing
Will you be ok in those shoes? I'm taking these with me also

I know he's trying to care but drives me bonkers. Yanbu

It’s because you’re sensitive about your weight, you most likely interpreted it as being directed at that. If you were down to the weight you’re aiming for it wouldn’t cross your mind to be sensitive about it.