Son has changed his mind about class party - doesn't want to go

[VeryBusyDoingNothing]

Wwyd. Came out with an invitation weeks ago and he said he wanted to. Announced now he doesn't know the child very well and he doesn't want to go. Turns out none of his close friends are going either. Feel rude not going but feel I can't force him?

OMG but you are not respecting his rights. He should decide if he wants to go or not, and if you force him to go it will build lifelong resentment. #sarcasm

My dd is 9 always gets last minute nerves about parties and I always make her go if she originally said she wanted to. I just tell her that once you’ve agreed to go to something like this you’ve made a commitment so unless you are unwell then you go. She’s never once come out of a party saying she had a bad time!

Why are people talking about six year olds as if they are toddlers incapable of reason??

I have a six year old. Ok she will still have the odd tantrum but generally speaking she’s quite a reasonable human being…

If he doesn't want to go, I would have a chat about why, explain that it's a bit rude to cancel for no good reason. But I wouldn't make him go. It's ok to change your mind. He's only 6.

There are two sorts of people in life - those who honour their commitments and those who don't. Those who don't usually end up at the bottom of everyone else's priority list, for obvious reasons.

Ask him what he would feel like if his friends didn't come to his party.

I usually offer my similar-age child a compromise. We've said we're going, so we'll at least go along to say happy birthday and drop off the present. Then if they don't want to get involved, they can spend the party sitting out at the side with me and the other grown-ups. It usually takes about 5 minutes for them to join the party group.

No it really isn't ok to change your mind on the morning of an event. It's called being flaky.

Sometimes we have to grit our teeth and do things we don't feel like doing.

So its a 6 year old's party today. His parent/s would have paid for your kids place, organised his party bag and party kid knows your kid accepted.

You, as an adult, now feel its okay to not turn up because...oh well some others aren't so maybe i won't too.

Do you not see how bloody rude that is?

What if everyone bailed?

We are an honour your commitment family. If we have said we will be somewhere we will be there unless we are properly ill. It’s how decent people behave.

If he doesn't want to go he doesn't have to, but he might enjoy it... If he def doesnt want to go, Id send a gift and an apology.

This. Social obligation which we all have to learn.

Oh definitely, they should certainly be aware of the impact of letting people down. Saying that, I still wouldn’t force my children to do anything they don’t want to do. I’m not going to keep on responding to people saying the same thing😂

Is this genuinely what people worry about these days!? You must be exhausted.

this happens to us all , when push comes to shove, you would prefer not to go.

So you would RSVP and bail?

Then he will meet new people. Always best to meet new people regularly. Helps with secondary school/ house moves/ joining clubs/ being a well rounded individual.

How are you planning on making them aware?

Of course he goes. You’ve made the commitment. Apart from it being rude to back out now, you’d have to lie to facilitate it. He goes, even if it is just to drop on the present, and if he really can’t cope then you apologise and take him away. I think it sets a really bad example to back out of a commitment and then lie about it, regardless if it’s the village hall or the Ritz. These people have invited your son because they want him to share their child’s special day, and it is a mark of respect that you honour your commitments.

I am sure you force your children to do things they don’t want to do all the time.

brush their teeth, eat certain foods go to bed at a certain time.

if they say that they don’t want to wear a seatbelt would you let them?

your job is to raise a well rounded individual and teaching them that they can’t always do what they want is part of it.

I find a really simple test for whether it’s ok to do something is to ask would it be ok if everyone did it?
Clearly it wouldn’t be ok if everyone decided to not go to the party, so he has to honour the commitment and go.

Mum I don't want to go to school, don't like the new teacher.

Okay dear, you don't have to then

Mum I don't want to go to football because my mate says it's rubbish

Okay dear you don't have to then

Mum I don't want to get a holiday job

Okay dear you don't have to then

Mum I don't want to go to college

Okay dear you don't have to then

Mum I don't want to get this job,

Okay dear you don't have to then.

Mum I haven't had to work for 20 years, why do I have to now?

Because son mum's retired on a state pension of £800 every 28 days, so can't pay for your car, holidays anymore. It's time to find a wife who will take over from me.

Good idea mum.

This is tongue in cheek, except I've seen it happen twice, once within immediate family. Both males really landed on their feet.

Call me flaky then. I don't really care.
I do care however about my child's wellbeing - their future popularity is not going to hinge on going to a single party.
I'd encourage them to go, but not insist. I have a very socially anxious child and this is by far a better approach for her.

Yes.. I would say it’s too late to change your mind now. He made a commitment and he needs to follow it through. How would he feel if everyone said they were coming to his party but the no one turned up?

Say if he gets there and he’s not enjoying himself, we can make our excuses and leave a bit early. (He won’t, I am sure)

it’s not good for them to be reliant on one set of friends anyway. Better to mix more widely.

There'll be a reason why all his friends are dropping out and I'd want to find out more about that.

Well this thread has been quite the insight.

I had a whole class party for my son when he was 5. Quite a few no shows, one parent even texted to say "we decided to do something else today". I never really understood it but apparently some parents basically feel their little darlings shouldn't have to ever do anything they don't feel like.

I give my children plenty of choices, they don't have to go to a party they don't want to go to but if they say they want to go and we rsvp, that's it, they are going.

He's just a kid! If he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't have to. I don't know why people want to try to enforce a standard on a 6 year old as if he doesn't go he won't learn standards or respect. I say respect a child's wishes and never, never force them to do something because you care how you look as a parent. He's a 6 year old little kid. It's not a court appearance - it's just a silly little class party. Leave him alone and take the pressure off him, if he doesn't want to go, allow him to feel he has the ability to choose. Too many parents care more about how they look, rather than the needs and rights of a child.