Son has changed his mind about class party - doesn't want to go

[VeryBusyDoingNothing]

Wwyd. Came out with an invitation weeks ago and he said he wanted to. Announced now he doesn't know the child very well and he doesn't want to go. Turns out none of his close friends are going either. Feel rude not going but feel I can't force him?

Sure you can make them. Sometimes you really should.

This will be the same parent starting their own thread at some stage moaning that their kid wasn't invited to a party.

I'm don't think kids are ever too young to learn that it's rude to flake.

Nope, have never missed a kids party and no one has ever missed any of mine. Mine are teenagers now. I wouldn't want a child to come if they didn't want to. It's not healthy to force a small child to do something, because they're emotionally immature. When they're 8, they are much better at understanding things.

We do the same. This is not the issue up for debate here.
Only inviting friends is fine.
Only accepting the invite if they are a friend is also fine. You don’t have to say yes. Saying no is fine.
But if you do say yes, then you go. Unless you are ill.
This family said yes, the other family and child is expecting them. It’s really rude and unkind to then not go for no good reason.

Suggest you read @SpringerFall 's response which is why you do.

If he said he wanted to go originally and has now changed his mind he should be going. Dc need to be taught that they can't swap and change their mind if other people have gone to the effort of accommodating them. If you arranged a party and then everyone changed their mind last minute you would be pretty annoyed.

I would make him go. He's old enough to understand that it's important to be sensitive to other people's feelings and honour any plans he's already made.

I'd take him but stay at party for reassurance. It's not fair on party child to drop out now. He will probably enjoy it when he gets there.

I've read it, it sounds nice and appropriate for 8 years and up. Unfortunately if the said child is refusing to go and has a meltdown. I wouldn't carry them to the car and make them go. They are too young to understand at age 6, they only go by how they're feeling. Persuasion is key when they're that little e g. There'll be cake and goody bags there, we can do some dancing etc. If they refuse, then man handling isn't the way forward.

Actually sounds reasonable for a 6 yesr old too.

he needs to go imo

kids that don’t turn up to parties they’ve rsvp’d to, won’t get invited to future parties.

I had a swim party for 30 and on the day 12 kids cancelled - that’s almost half!

The other moms didn’t invite the flakers to their kids future parties either as they didnt want to be messed around.

If it's today and you've rsvp'd to say he'll go, which I assume you have, then I would definitely take him.

People can be so rude when it comes to children's parties (as some of the above posts show), but it's a life lesson and 6 is not too young to understand this kind of thing. A friend of mine with a 5 year old put her heart and soul into her son's party as she'd been so poorly the previous couple of years she wanted it to be special. There were so many no shows on the day from people who had said they were going, it was awful.

Do people do nothing else on weekends or summer holidays than take their kids to parities?

So because children are in the same class as your child, that means those children would want to go along? What if all the children you invited, declined from the beginning? What then?

Teaching a child that their actions have consequences by forcing them to go somewhere they no longer want to go too? Yeah, no thanks. I teach my children that they shouldn’t do anything they no longer want to do (this obviously doesn’t include things like hand washing, bathing etc)

Some DC rule the roost on this thread don't they. Parents just agree with them for an easy life. If dc agreed go, they agreed. What else will do refuse to do? It's a slippery slope and 6 is plenty old enough to go to a party with dc in his class. Rather than agree with him, talk about it positively.

Do you not teach your children the importance of upholding a commitment? Thinking of others?

Obviously in the op's circumstances 6 years old is too little to say much more than- Jimmy would be very sad if no one came to his party. But as they get older, they should definitely be aware of the impact of letting people down / upholding a commitment.

Mine understood way more than that at 6. They definitely understood what they had agreed to was going to happen plus the empathy with other dc. If they agreed to join clubs, go to parties, do an overnight or go anywhere with another parent, they went. Unless they were ill.

If everyone declined then at least I would not have paid potentially over £100 out for food and entertainment. I wouldn’t have a heartbroken 6 year old who’s been looking forward to his party for weeks.
Can you really not see how this scenario is extremely rude and hurtful? Can you really not imagine how you would feel if this was your child?
Your kids don’t have to go to any party they don’t want to. But don’t say yes in the first place and then flake out.
**

It seems to me this is a boy problem and they do the same into adulthood. Just end up being self centred men. Caring about others and how they feel should be part of their upbringing and it should be continued into adulthood.

I'd take him and stay...maybe mention to host mum that your son isn't always too sure of parties so not to worry if we leave a little earlier.

This

No, don't "make him" go.
This is how I was brought up (45yo).
Couldn't give a shit about my parents as soon as I was able to move out.

If you have said he is going he should go. Shoddy attitude to not turn up, if more kids did this the poor birthday child will be upset. Time to step and parent like a grown up OP.