Son has changed his mind about class party - doesn't want to go

[VeryBusyDoingNothing]

Wwyd. Came out with an invitation weeks ago and he said he wanted to. Announced now he doesn't know the child very well and he doesn't want to go. Turns out none of his close friends are going either. Feel rude not going but feel I can't force him?

I can’t force him!
Bloody grow a pair and be a parent. You simply say yes you are going and explain why.

Talking of anxiety, this thread is giving me anxiety of classmates not turning up to my daughters party at the weekend.

I feel pretty confident that most are caring reliable people and wouldn't ditch my daughter just because they didn't fancy it, but who knows, maybe the host of this party felt the same????? 😥

I would force him to go, unless he has significant anxiety about it. If he just doesn't fancy it I would insist. It's more than rude to drop out of a party at the last minute, it's unkind - the host would have been planning for certain numbers and the child could feel embarrassed or upset if lots of people can't be bothered. 6 is old enough to understand this. Your DS may well have a lovely time anyway.

@Zone2NorthLondon but I got a response 😉

@Bushmillsbabe

It makes you think doesn't it! I might take the "one strike and you out" approach to anyone who finds something else to do after they have accepted! Obviously illness and genuine emergencies are fair enough as long as they let you know and are not lying.

That then presents another problem - parents covering up and lying!

Come on, what are the wider circumstances?

Is this birthday child an anti-social child or being bullied?
Just how is your child being influenced and by who?
Is your child being bullied or just feeling insecure?

I'd be the protective - from a distance - parent.

I'd stay for the party and get to know the parents and other parents staying.

If there's a problem identified by DS for not wanting to go to party - I'd want to know why.

I'd exactly be there. Be friendly, look to make friends. And just keep an eye on everything.

You'll work it out. But it's probably the easiest way to understand the problem.

It's a huge advantage to son to have supportive, friendly, loving mum at the event for reassurance.

Just highlight all the fun stuff of going - and if he's miserable, you're right there. You can just say he's a little out of sorts that day, and probably best to take him home.

He should go and have fun. He’ll get a chance to expand his friend group!

Don’t be a dick and send him to the party. He’s 6. As a parent we are suppose to teach our children how to behave and how to treat others this is one of those occasions. Explain to him why he should go and hopefully I. The past you have done your job well and he will understand and be happy to attend.

Of Course you can make him go!. He’s 6!
Do you let him decide if he wants to go to school?
You are the parent, it’s your job to decide, not to put those kinds of decisions on a six year old.
Not to mention, it’s your job to teach him about commitment ,
following through , and how our actions/ decisions affect other people; we can’t just do whatever we feel like on a whim in the moment.

He probably just had some nerves. Talk about it, identify what he’s feeling physically and relate or to emotions, say that you as a parent have been invited and are going, and offer to stay 10/20/30 mins and if he really isn’t happy you can both go home after that, yknow that kinda thing. That way you’re going and taking him with you, rather than forcing him to go.

School is mandatory. Parties are not. School absence incur a sanction.party absence no sanction
Your comparison point is wildly invalid

oh I’m sure you’ve heard It before. Both Lame and obvious

My point is that it is of course possible, and normal, to force a child to go places even if they don’t want to. There are all kinds of things we make children do, whether they like it or not, and for good reason. Attending an event you have previously actively committed to should be one of these.

parties are not mandatory- you are free to decline the invitation. But it is a social rule that you go to a party you have rsvp’d to and for good reason. It’s not law but it’s a pro-social norm and it’s one that a 6 yr old should be taught to follow. People often don’t feel like doing things they have committed to in the moment . As for sanction- you may not receive a fine, but you may very well lose the good will and friendship of others if you let them down at the last minute just because you feel like it.

Teenagers don't care about compulsory, let them get their own way whenever they like and see what happens if they don't want to go to school when they get older

A few years ago a girl in my class had a party for her 6th birthday. She invited the whole class. Only one child turned up, yet she was over the moon that she got to spend her birthday with her friend (they weren’t close friends either).
If I was OP, I would be teaching my child that once you commit to something, you see it through (within reason).

Your comparison point is wildly invalid

@Zone2NorthLondon it's not wildly invalid, you have just missed it entirely

There are many things our kids may decide at they do not wish to do, as their educators and role models we help them learn life skills and how to balance social norms with their own personal belief system. Part of this is saying No.
That doesn't mean we are taking all choices away. It's nuanced, had the OP's child said from the start he did not want to go fair enough, but letting the birthday child down last minute for no reason isn't kind, or reasonable

E.g -
can I not go to school - No
Can I not go to party I said I was going to - No
Can I sleep on the trampoline tonight - No

Can I ride my bike to school - yes
Can I wear my barbie outfit to the party - yes
Can I put the cushions from my bed on the trampoline- yes

I wouldn’t make him
go

Your reply is exactly what’s wrong with the world, how is it ok to teach children that they can do what they like, when they like, without consequence? That’s why as they get older and rules come into play, they can’t deal with them and start having mental health issues! We read time and time again how devastated a child was because people didn’t turn up to their party. Mum should be explaining all that to him and taking him along. It’s clearly just because his best friends are not going that he now doesn’t want to go. He will no doubt have a great time once he’s there .

Try & explain to him that he's accepted & it'd be rude not to go & that he has a place booked so will be letting his friend down if he doesn't go. Let him know that you'll be around & if he's not enjoying it you can take him home, then he doesn't feel forced to go & stay. Chances are he'll have a great time once he's there & it'll give you some leverage next time he doesn't want to go somewhere, 'remember when you didn't want to go to xxx party & when you got there really enjoyed it'

You’re verging on incoherent rambling? Are you ok? Are you dehydrated?

Poor kid is six why are people so mad about it

Because it’s rude to cancel on the day just because you didn’t feel like going. At 6 years old you are not too young to learn about commitment. People got “mad” about the parents indulging the 6 year old.

And think how he would feel
If had a party and kids decided few hours before they couldn't be arsed to go

He would have been upset and in tears

But as op isn't saying what she did , she obv didn't take her son to the party this teaching him it's ok to be rude and hurt other people's feelings

Because the poor other kid is also 6 and is being let down,

My daughter had her 5th party on Saturday, 1 boy cancelled on Friday, looked unwell and went home early so absolutely justified. What wasn't justified was this boys 2 close friends not coming. 2nd boys mum messaged a couple hours before the party with a very vague 'sorry can't come, double booked' and 3rd just didn't show.
After reading this thread, it feels like exactly the same, 2 and 3 didn't come because 1 didn't. The whole class of 22 knew that the whole class was invited and that everyone accepted through group whatts app messages, so were asking me 'where are boys 2 and 3', I just told truth of what had hapenned. Several parents were saying, "well, I know who we won't be inviting next year, that's so flakey". And we will definitely not be inviting these 2!

It didn't really affect my daughter as all her closest friends were there. Unfortunately it will affect these children it seems.