Y6 teacher and death of parent

[Readysteadygotoschool]

My dad died today, after very brief illness. I’m a Y6 teacher and it’s test week from Monday.

I just don’t think I can be in school this week. Feel like I’m letting the kids down and the teacher guilt is making me think I should just go in for the four days of tests and front it out then deal with it afterwards.

I haven’t told my headteacher yet but he will probably be pissed off if I don’t go in. I don’t know what to do.

A decent head would oversee the SATS. The dc will.all.be prepared by now anyway.

That is so utterly insensitive and plain awful. Sounds like the head is so married to the job/power hungry that he's lost his grip on reality. From my experience with working in schools, it's always the heads who roll their eyes and have something to say when staff have to take time off for completely legitimate reasons, that are off with a slight cold or when their best friend's neighbour's cat dies. I am so sorry for your loss. Please look after yourself and don't worry about work, as hard as that will be. I'm sure you've done a stellar job at getting your Y6s to where they need to be for SATs weeks and if they have even an ounce more compassion and empathy than your headteacher, they won't resent you for not being in. I would seriously consider taking this further and/or finding a new school if possible when you are feeling well enough to <3

Take it off and be prepared you will need longer. I lost my dad in Nov and took 2 months then a months phased return. It’s a really hard adjustment and you will likely find there is a lot to do this week/month. I’m sorry for your loss and your head should be supportive and nothing less xx

op, I am so sorry for your loss.

However, please do not worry about being out of school this week. You have done all the teaching for those kids up until this point, someone else from the school can administer the actual tests. You are not letting the children or anyone else down.

Seriously, as a mum of 3 DC I would want you to take this time off.

I'm sorry for your loss.

And people wonder why teachers are quitting ... this shouldn't even be a question about needing some leave, but here you are having to stress and worry about what your headteacher will do/say.

you can’t go to work. I’m sure the head wouldn’t go to work if his parent passed.

head Should have said ‘I’m so sorry for your loss, let me know if there’s anyway we can help. Don’t worry about the kids, it’s all in hand

You need to do what is best for you. It isn't ideal, but your class will be fine and your HT will manage the situation. My Mum died totally unexpectedly the weekend before I was due to take 52 Y6 children away on a residential. I was the lead teacher. I knew I couldn't do it and phoned my HT on the Sunday morning. By the time they were due to go on the Monday he had everything under control and had found some one to step up and take my place. Really, everything will be fine, you need to take time to grieve. Sending you my condolences.

It really depends on you. When my Mum died I couldn't function. When my husbands dad died he went to work the next day but the distraction helped him. Grief is such a personal thing. Only you can decide how best to manage your grief. If you will be at home worrying about the children all week perhaps you are best to go in.

I'm so sorry your loss.

I'm so sorry your head is so unkind. Take all the time you need. I'm sure the children will be absolutely fine. Take care.

Head is a prick. Genuinely shocks me that employers/bosses get away with treating their staff like shit. I'm an employer and I'd NEVER be so heartless and cold to my valued employees, even if the absence caused a few issues. Your dad has died, you haven't bunked off with a cold. Look after yourself OP.

Your head teacher sounds absolutely shocking. Everyone else will feel nothing but compassion for you. X

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself.

Your head sounds like a prick.

My dd is in y6 and taking SATS today..

If you were her teacher, I would fully expect you to take the week (and any further time after) off.
Sorry for your loss..x

Please get signed off and take the time. I would be horrified if my daughter's teacher felt obliged to work under those circumstances. The children will be fine and there will be plenty of staff to support them.

Fellow teacher, DO NOT understand any circumstances go in!

OP my dad died recently too. I tried to front it out. Don't go in, you need this time. I'm sorry x

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

You need to take time off.
SATS are not as important as your mental health.

When I lost my dad, I went back way too soon, and it came back to bite me big time.
I ended up in a worse state than if I'd taken time to grieve properly.

If your Head is horrible about this, then he / she has no soul at all.

Do not feel bad, you need to concentrate on you for now x

I'm so sorry for you loss.

100% take the time off to grieve. I am a year 6 parent and if my child's teacher had lost a parent I wouldn't be upset or annoyed if they weren't there for SATs week. I hope your head teacher is more understanding then you expect them to be.

As a year six parent, I'd be disgusted with a head teacher if they didn't allow compassionate leave. So what if it's SATs this week. Your mental and physical health matter more. And staffing levels can be made right by hiring bank staff.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs.

Sats aren't a life and death issue the loss of your Father is Do not go in !

I was just about to write exactly this!
look after yourself x

Sorry you’re going through this. You will have a Bereavement clause in your absence policy setting out clearly what you can expect under these circumstances. It will be expected that you will have time off to grieve and deal with practical issues. Be kind to yourself x

We’ve had similar situations in our school and on both occasions they’ve had at least 2-3 weeks off with the heads blessing. Having lost my Dad a few years ago I would absolutely say take the time off.

Grief is very personal and very different for everyone.

You have not yet had time to process all this. Most people are rubbish at processing grief. They worry about the small stuff - like how much they will missed at work and will it impact the pupils. Or they get angry or try to find someone to be angry at.

You've had a major event in your life. You won't even know how it's going to affect you, until you start experiencing and realising life is different.

And you can't even beging to do that until the funeral happens.

Your pupils will turn up at school like normal. A substitute teacher will step in. Your colleagues will step in. Everyone you work with will try to make it okay for both you and your pupils.

But the sooner you schedule in time for you not to be okay, the easier it will be.

I don't know your family dynamics - but arranging a funeral or a gathering to scatter ashes can be physically and emotionally draining. Sometimes in a good way. It acts as a release.

If you feel discombobulated/ distant/ unsettled/ want to compartmentalise actions/ confused. You're not. You're just supressing emotions that will bite you in the backside.

So as much as no one grieves on cue and as expected - focussing on funerals, death rituals, might just help you more in the longer term.

I have an aquaintance/friend/colleague who is waiting for her very loved mother to die. For the past 5 months. The stress she is under is enormous. We've all seen the changes, but she thinks she's coping. She travels hundreds of miles every weekend. But she can't grieve because mum is not dead. She's got a set pattern waiting for the final death. She's outspoken in waiting for the final death. But it is consuming her. She's now such a tightly wound spring - that the company is putting in place counselling services and support for "the final event", because it's grief and denial and it's most raw.