Y6 teacher and death of parent

[Readysteadygotoschool]

My dad died today, after very brief illness. I’m a Y6 teacher and it’s test week from Monday.

I just don’t think I can be in school this week. Feel like I’m letting the kids down and the teacher guilt is making me think I should just go in for the four days of tests and front it out then deal with it afterwards.

I haven’t told my headteacher yet but he will probably be pissed off if I don’t go in. I don’t know what to do.

My brother is a teacher. When our mother had a stroke and died a few years ago his headteacher immediately made arrangements for others to take over his classes, including his GCSE students in the run up to exams and told him to take as much time as he needed. Which turned out to be about 2 weeks. As well as the rest of his load, he missed GCSE revision days and two practical exams. Headteacher didn’t flinch. His colleagues covered. His GCSE students sent him a card and the staff sent a gift basket with fruit and a delivery voucher for a local curry house. Really caring. His students did great in their exams - he said afterwards that he’d felt torn about not going in but in retrospect he would have done them a disservice because his head wasn’t in the right place at all. His colleagues were the right people to take those classes.

Grief hits people differently, but it’s powerful. Take the time you need to. If your headteacher isn’t supportive, start looking for a better environment (they are out there) but don’t neglect yourself now.

Op take the time you need.
I went back to work a week after my Dad passed away. And tbh it was far too soon. I was a complete waste of space for the next week.
I didn't feel I could take more time because I'd had a rough winter with kids being ill too.
But being back too soon was madness.

I voted yabu. Your parent has just died, you need time to recover and your head teacher should understand this.

Take time off, work will cope.

I absolutely think you shouldn't go in. I am a teacher and noone at our school would even think of expecting you to be there.

The sats are not just the year 6 teachers responsibility. They are management for a reason.

Take the time off.

You’ve prepped the kids well, and sats have no bearing on their lives.

I’m sorry for your loss.
Absolutely see your GP and get signed off sick for as long as you need. If this isn’t a mental health crisis then what is?
As a parent I would be horrified if you felt you had to come in. What is happening in the world if we think exams (for 10 year olds!) are more important than grieving a parent?!
Wishing you rest and healing

I'm so sorry OP.
I don't think any reasonable person would expect you in be in after the death of your dad such a short time ago. Please take the time, you need it.

It’s a personal thing some people the distraction of work would help them

others quite simply couldn’t function

Contact the head asap it’s far better to say you won’t be in so they can organise things rather than going in then having to come home

kids will be fine

Your long term mental health is much more important than sats. Please take the time you need.

You need to put yourself first at this very sad time, OP. There isn't any job I can think of that should exempt you from having some time to grieve

So sorry for your sad loss, OP . . . wishing you all the best

💐

You have to do what is right for you. When our dad died on a Thursday. My sister and I had been with him since the Monday. I had already been signed off for a month to care for him. My sister who teaches was dipping in and out as she could. She went back to work on the Monday. She wanted to be busy. It helped her. And school had been very supportive every time there was a crisis she was there. I work in palliative services. My employer was also very understanding during dad's illness. I took the month off I had been signed off for. It was the right thing for me to do be kind to yourself.

You've done the hard bit; the teaching. Other school staff can easily administer the tests.

It would be worse for the DC if you went in upset. They don't need to be worrying about you as well as SATs.

The HT may well be pissed off. Tough. It just shows they're not a compassionate person.

I voted YABU because you shouldnt be considering going in. Absolutely take the time off xx

I went back to work the day after my dad died, because I didn't want to leave the kids (mfl teacher, speaking exams week).
It was a mistake and I should have just been off.
So sorry for your loss.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think the OP is concerned about the children not doing well (cf the 'these tests aren't important' comments) but is just being a caring teacher and worrying about how the children will be emotionally, and wants to be there to support them. Primary teachers can become very attached to their classes (as I'm sure secondary teachers can too).

Having said that OP, I think we sometimes overstate how much the children need us! I've had to take over from a teacher on sick leave during SATS week. It was great and the children were fine. I became the familiar face that week instead (they did already know me). It was very very doable. Some schools make you feel like you should never be off. Sometimes it is unavoidable. You are grieving and will probably need a chunk of time off. It's up to the headteacher to sort that out so contact them shortly.

Hmm I think I’d be inclined to go in tbh, I’m the sort of person who prefers the distraction. I’d explain to the headteacher that I’d like to take the days leave straight after. I really don’t think there’s a wrong or right, just depends on how much you can cope with right now

Thank you so much, everyone. I’ll let my Head know today that I won’t be in. Being busy would probably help me in the short term, but make it worse longer term for me. I’ll take the time now rather than need more later.

I’ve never been signed off by the doctor before. What do I say to them?

Just telling the GP that you've just had a bereavement will be enough . . .

💐

He was your Father, take time off to process his passing without guilt. Work is really not that important and the kids will be fine.

I'm sorry for your loss. You can self-certificate for a few days then get signed off if you need to.

I lost my dad this weekend too OP. I'm not going back to work this week and don't think anyone would expect it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have people around you who you can lean on at this awful time.

As for school, every head I've worked for would not expect me in. They'd send me flowers and tell me not to give sats a second thought.

Let the head do their job while you grieve and sort things out. Try to message them today if you can to give them time to arrange what they need to arrange. Then give it no more thought. Family first, always.

Take good care of yourself.

💐

Edit: you don't need to be signed off for the first 5 days of illness. You self certify. If you feel you need more, then go to the GP.

Take the time off. There’s no way I couldn’t have worked following my mums death- take the time you need to.
I’m so sorry for your loss.

I'm a teacher; take the time off. The pupils will be fine, they will find cover. That's management's job to worry about.

It's a job; I think teacher guilt and over-dedication are a big part of why many 'burn out' in the job.

I'm sorry about your dad. Look after yourself.

Of course you can’t go in. In Jewish and the week after death you sit shiva so there would be no question of having the time off. Who would even expect that?