Y6 teacher and death of parent

[Readysteadygotoschool]

My dad died today, after very brief illness. I’m a Y6 teacher and it’s test week from Monday.

I just don’t think I can be in school this week. Feel like I’m letting the kids down and the teacher guilt is making me think I should just go in for the four days of tests and front it out then deal with it afterwards.

I haven’t told my headteacher yet but he will probably be pissed off if I don’t go in. I don’t know what to do.

Well that’s awful and you should report him. He should at least check in with you. The person I manage had her grandma die recently and we sent flowers and told her to take the time she needed.

Glad you are taking time, you should not burn yourself to the ground for that arsehole.

Sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad at Christmas time (2023) aged 67 too. I was off work for 2 months and got a sick note from the doctor.

You need time to grieve, be with your lovely family and to process your loss.

Do not worry about the school or headteacher.

I'm so sorry for your loss. But your HT should not be pissed off if you take time off for a bereavement. When my dad died, I emailed my head and she was fantastic, told me to take as long as I needed. I took the rest of that week off (4 days), plus the week of his funeral off

I'm so sorry for your loss. You should definitely take the time off. And if your head is not sympathetic I think I'd be looking for another job.

Test week is the easiest cover ever. So the cover supervisor will be fine. If you think you can’t have compassionate leave it’s ok to white lie and be sick instead OP, then you can be off for a week with the flu or something xxxx

That Head sounds like an utter prick!!! So sorry for your loss, I would never want my child’s teacher to be at work in those circumstances unless they wanted to be!

I speak as a retired teacher. Look at the bigger picture. You have lost your dad, and it is entirely right that you should be kind to yourself. Blind loyalty to your school and pupils rarely brings any long term rewards. The kids will survive. Your Head teacher will cope. Children live in the real world and need to see you as a human being, not just a teacher. They will probably be very sweet to you when you do return, and they will understand, especially if the situation is carefully handled. Look after yourself. It's my experience that you have to look after yourself, because nobody else can be relied upon to pick up the pieces if you go back to work too soon. Teaching is a work of heart, it's true, but sometimes you need to let your head rule your heart. That might seem harsh, but teaching is a tough job and you need to be fit to do it properly. Sending hugs. Xxxxx

Sorry for your loss. Do not go in. That’s what bereavement leave is for.
if your head is pissed off they are not a good head.

So sorry for your loss.

Do not go in, that profession pedals itself on guilt …

So sorry for your loss Op.
my DS is year 6 and I would 100% expect you to take the time off regardless of SATs. Some things are much more important.

I’m a teacher who went back the week after my mum’s funeral. I ended up then getting pneumonia and becoming very ill. Please allow yourself time to grieve - you won’t regret it. I’m sorry for your loss.

Thank you so much h everyone. I’m a bit overwhelmed by all the sweet messages. I’ve had a weird day, lots of displacement activities and zoning out. I’ve done a whole load of Duolingo lessons in between calls to the undertakers and dad’s ‘local’ pub for a do after the service.

I’m going to call the doctor tomorrow, I think. Can’t seem to find a way to message them and the nearest appointment I can book online is two weeks away.

Sorry for your loss x
take the time with family x

Fellow Y6 teacher here 👋🏻
So very sorry for your loss, 67 is no age at all.
Please don't feel guilty, if you were my partner teacher I wouldn't for one second expect you in. In fact, I'd be cross/very worried if you did!! (My partner teacher has actually been really ill recently and even though it's 'SATs term' I was insisting they stay home until fully better). Despite what the 'big O' say, it really is just a week. I'd potentially be contacting union etc in advance if your head's text is anything to go by, as I'm concerned they're not going to be supportive in the coming weeks. Best wishes - it really is just a job (although I fully understand how all-consuming it can be!)

I had an early miscarriage. I could have gone in but my head insisted I take a week off.

It's amazing how much you're not needed sometimes. Take compassionate leave. Your students would be upset if you went in when you were feeling so sad x

I'm so sorry your headteacher is such an insensitive twat. And im even more sorry you've lost your wonderful dad. Look after yourself

I'm so sorry for your loss. FWIW when my mum died I didn't take any time off work, keeping myself busy helped. But then 4 or 5 months later, I had a weeks holiday (already booked) and it all caught up with me. I turned into someone I didn't recognise, did stupid things, I gave up on myself. Take the time you need x

I took 2 months off work after I lost a parent. I just couldn't get myself out of the blackness for ages, it took a long time. But I'm glad I gave myself that time. My sibling did not and there's been a delayed grief reaction nearly 1 year later.

As for what to do with GP. All I did was call to say I needed a sick line as I'd lost my parent. A GP called me back later that day, asked a few questions then agreed to write me a line for 1 month. Line said 'grief reaction'. I called and got another month when that ran out. They were very compassionate.

Look after yourself and your mum. She'll need you the most over the next few weeks xxx

Sorry for your loss.

You sound like a great teacher, that cares for the children you teach, but you can't give them what they need if you don't look after yourself first.

Take the time you need to process things and look after yourself now. If not you are likely to need even more time off in the long run.

If the head can't understand why you need to be off, I would question their empathy and understanding and whether they were in the right job.

I am sure any parent would understand the situation and why you aren't there. I would expect there will be a number of other staff, that the children are used to seeing and spending time with, that will be there, so the children will still have people they know to support them.

Stay home.

How can you give good support in these conditions? I am sure you are a great teacher but grief is hard. Take care of yourself.

What an awful response. I'd be going to the doctor and getting signed off if I were you. I appreciate that it's hard for schools to cover when teachers are off, but you're not going off with a cold, your father has just died. That's so unfeeling and unprofessional from your head. Way to show leadership and that you value your employees. People aren't robots and certain things in life are much more important than work. If there is any comeback from this contact your union rep immediately.

Op did the HT respond immediately?

Could he have been in the car when the text came in, text via the car give a choice of about 12 standard phrases, mainly things like, "okay", "I'm on my way", "I'm running late" nothing remotely suitable for someone telling you about a bereavement.

@Nazzywish · 12/05/2024 00:42
Depends on how you deal with grief OP. I agree with others take time off if your not able to function and need it. But some people like to keep busy and don't want added factors to think of i.e. guilt compounding that grief so if you want to go in because that's what feels right to you then do so. But it really is a what's best for you situation. Sorry for your loss

This!! I’m so sorry for your loss x

So sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things ever so please take the time off you need & don't give the school a second thought. You're not letting anyone down, there'll be someone who can cover for you. If your Head makes thing awkward then ignore them & focus on yourself. Sending hugs