Y6 teacher and death of parent

[Readysteadygotoschool]

My dad died today, after very brief illness. I’m a Y6 teacher and it’s test week from Monday.

I just don’t think I can be in school this week. Feel like I’m letting the kids down and the teacher guilt is making me think I should just go in for the four days of tests and front it out then deal with it afterwards.

I haven’t told my headteacher yet but he will probably be pissed off if I don’t go in. I don’t know what to do.

I had a head teacher like this. Twenty years ago I missed my fil’s funeral because I was told I could not have another day off - I had had two because he was dying and he lived in a different country from us. It is something I have always regretted and I urge you to put yourself first. Your sacrifices will never be remembered in teaching, believe me. Thirty eight years done and I have seen it all.

I think I speak for us all when I say that SATS are bullshit.
however, will it help you to be busy maybe? I’m sorry for your loss

I haven't read all the replies but I see most people agree with me that you should stay off work. Of course you should.

You feel guilty because you're a good teacher, and the children are important to you. This is also great. It shows you're meant for the job.

There are plenty other staff who can take care of the kids, but if it makes you feel better, could you record a video message to send to them? Or even just write something down. Tell them that you believe in them, they're amazing, but that you can't be with them this week. It's up to you if you tell them why. Perhaps tell them you're not well or something if you don't want to share.

Take the time to take care of yourself. You'll be a better teacher when you return for having taken the time to do this x

Compassionate leave, 100%. I’m a nurse and I was off for 3 weeks when my Dad was on ITU and then 4 weeks after he died because I just couldn’t function as a human, let alone as a nurse. I needed those 7 weeks to rebuild myself a little bit.

I’m so sorry for your loss

OP I'm so sorry.
SATS week should mean it's actually quite easy to cover you, as there's no actual teaching.
I was a teacher in a primary school for 13 years so I know how disgustingly leadership will manipulate the "for the good of the kids" to get you to ignore your own life priorities in favour of work, often in your own and unpaid time. Don't do it. If the kids don't know it by now, it's too late anyway.

Are you needed for invigilating? Most of the week will be spent in exams and its only very poor heads who expect cramming in SATS week.

Most places I know you don’t go in for at least 2-3 days after a parent’s death.

Years ago my dad died suddenly and young. I was on a year’s maternity contract and took 2-3 days off but I think now I should’ve had at least a week or two off. They’d have arranged other cover for me though my direct boss suggested bereavement counselling (his wife was one). It really knocked me for six and we weren’t even that close.

I’d take as long as you need to take over this. Sorry for your loss. If necessary I’d go to someone like the deputy head if they’re more sympathetic than the head is, but you really don’t need guilt tripping over this. My DM was a teacher for many years and as PPs have said, they can be unappreciated so I’d look after your own mental and physical wellbeing at a time like this.

Some things (most things in my opinion) are more important than work.

If I was a kid in your class and found out that you'd still come in, I'd be so frustrated that you thought your mental health was less important than some tests, and so upset for you.

Please take time off. So sorry for your loss. xx

My mum died 18 months ago and I ended up being signed off sick for about a month. I’d called my dr to ask for some medication to help me sleep and he suggested being signed off work so I did. Tell the dr what’s happened and that you’re not feeling emotionally and mentally able to work, that you’re not able to take anymore compassionate leave, they shouldn’t refuse it x you may need to self certify for a few days though xxxx

@Readysteadygotoschool

My condolences on your loss, OP.

Have you been able to contact the Head?

I would have thought that something could be put into place so that there is cover for you while you take off the time you need.

So sorry for your loss. Tell your head you need compassionate leave and explain why. If he is iffy contact your union. You can't run tests (SATs, I presume) when you feel so bad. In a while you will find that work helps, but not at this time. You HT ought to realise this _ he probably does and will be nice about it, you haven't yet given him the chance btw.

You will be extremely stressed just now so please see the doctor and get a sick note for at least 2 weeks.

If you are anything like my son's teacher you would have prepared the kids so well already...

Could you prep a short video that can be sent out to the kids (we have an app for homework) or a letter ?

My child’s year 2 teacher lost her father and was off for half a term

I’ve taught Year 6 and I honestly don’t think most of the kids think the SATs are that big a deal. It matters much more to the adults.

The exams only take an hour or so each day.

School will be fine.

Sorry for your loss xxx

Why? Everyone deals with grief in different ways. The fact you'd be horrified if an adult came to work is very odd.

You've put all the work in already and your presence or absence this week won't make much difference at all.

You are replaceable at work; at home you're not.

If you don't feel up to going in, don't go in. You won't be letting the kids down. AT ALL. Any boss - including a headteacher - should be understanding. And if they aren't, then it's time to vote with your feet.

I'm so sorry you lost your dad @Readysteadygotoschool

When I lost my hubby, I'd just landed a 4 day contract. He died on a Tuesday and they needed the work a week later on the Friday. I called them, they said they'd find someone else. I told them I'd do it. I did and had a quick call on the Saturday. I then let the grief take over.

I did it because when you're self employed if you don't work, you don't get paid and I was in shock so thought the work would take me away from the deep grief I felt and it worked for me. You're maybe not in the same situ as I was and school can get a supplier in, only you can decide because only you know how you feel.

Big hugs xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with this post though, do what you need to do. When my Dad died I had people at work telling me what I should do and that I shouldn't be in. It made it really hard as although I had time off, I also sometimes needed the routine of work, it helped me stay calm. What I would have appreciated more would have been if everyone had just trusted me to do what I needed, which actually was exactly what my boss at the time told me to do.

Sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 2 years ago and took 2 weeks off I just couldn't function or think about work. Don't go. Take time to process everything. Hugs!

I agree. It's entirely personal. Some people find work a helpful distraction when dealing with a bereavement; I know I did.

If you don't feel up to working, don't work. If you want to work, then work. No need for anyone to be horrified about what another adult actively chooses to do in these circumstances.

So sorry for your loss OP.

To even contemplate going in you must still be in shock, you need time.

Self certify this week and if you are still struggling next week (some people are comfortable in a supportive workplace and prefer to start getting back to normal quicker than others, everyone is different, there is no right or wrong) ask your Dr for a sick line.

OP children are robust and resilient. They will be fine. You on the other hand need to look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve. He was your dad and you need time to process his loss. If you went in next week the kids would know something was up anyway and they would worry. So much better to take some time sick to organise your thoughts and your dads funeral etc. I’m sorry for your loss ❤️