to think friend should give me her Taylor Swift tickets?

[ticketproblems]

I am a huge fan and signed up to all the presale access codes for UK and close by European countries. The only one I got a code for was a nearby EU country. I felt this was fine as DH and I like to go there and it’s not far away. So I bought tickets, which were in the local language and I was in a panic, which happened to be the expensive, tier 1 tickets for standing right by the stage. I didn’t see an issue overall because I was excited to go.

With an access code you can purchase up to 4 tickets, I bought 2 as that’s all I needed. My best friend and her (then) boyfriend (he was a bigger fan, she likes Taylor but never been too into her) didn’t get tickets to the UK events they signed up to and asked to use my code to buy 2 more tickets, if any were available.

I managed to get them 2 tickets (after spending hours in the virtual queue for them) on VIP which were seated, they’re decent. All was fine, he paid. They then broke up and he let her keep the tickets (presumably because he broke up with her and it’s her friend’s account)

Now I am pregnant and will be in my third trimester, just able to fly still, when the concert comes. I have attempted to contact the event for months about accessibility and been thrown pillar to post, I hope to swap them for accessibility but time is running out. My friend is now bringing new boyfriend and has seated tickets. My friend is fit, healthy (recently ran the marathon) and has no issues with standing, albeit preference is seated.

AIBU to think that she should offer to swap my (better) tickets for hers? It will come down to whether or not I can go. I will not go if I’m standing, this would be idiotic for my health and baby’s. So far, it’s silence and she just said it’d be a shame if I had to miss it.

My reasoning is 1) she only got the tickets because of me and 2) she didn’t even pay for them, her ex did. I also wouldn’t think twice about doing this the other way round.

I can’t tell if I’m being an entitled brat or if it just seems unfair.

YABU- get over it, sell your tickets.
YANBU - a good friend would do this. Especially one who isn’t a big fan.

You could take an umbrella seat thing.

I would abandon the gig rather than fly in 3rd trimester and would be looking to find a way to sell them. Tickets are usually available via Ticketmaster to pass on to your friend closer to the time.

Your baby will in no way have issues bcs you stand rather than sit.
Also, it may be good for you to keep moving and not sit still for several hours.
You are pregnant, not disabled.

Who actually physically paid for the tickets? Did friend's ex pay with his card through the website or did he send you money?

I'd call Ticketmaster and explain the situation and see if anything can be done. If not I'd ask them their view on who 'owns' the tickets, is it the lead booker?

Ultimately I'd just say to friend sorry Ticketmaster won't help, your choice if you go with my tickets or none of us go at all. That's not you being unreasonable, it's just a fact.

Why are people
unable To fathom that different pregnancies in different people are…you know… different?!

im 8 months now and there is no fucking way I could stand at a concert for several hours. No way whatsoever. Im not disabled, no, but I have crippling SPD and back ache, foot swelling, ankle swelling and would feel
unwell standing for that length.

given the level of expense and effort
to go, it would be better to err on the side of caution and make sure Op can enjoy it and won’t be feeling unwell or uncomfortable.

Tbh in your condition I am not sure how you thing sitting in uncomfortable chair will make you feel better?

First advice about swelling would be: do not stay in same position for too long and put your feet up.
So unless OPs friend booked seats in two rows to do that, OP can just as well move around or not attend event she is too unwell to attend.

I have had two, both times, I have had hip dysplasia. Last time I was pregnant, I was on crutches from 33 weeks and could not possibly have stood for 15 minutes, let alone a whole gig.
You were lucky. Appreciate it and maybe don't assume everyone else is as fortunate, as sadly many are not!

Sell your two standing ones, refund her/ her ex for the tickets, go to the concert, sit down and have a great time!

I'd message and be blunt to ensure you get an answer

'Hi I've checked everything and nothing accessible available for me, you also cannot go without me present - due to tickets being in my account name. We can swap and stay in couples, we can sit together as girls and boys either don't go or use the other 2 seats, or myself and DH can use the seated tickets if you'd prefer not to go than either of these 2 options. You keeping the seats of those tickets and going without us is not an option at all according to them as I have to be there for you to be allowed in. Let me know your choice'

SPD. It is a thing. A painful, immobilising one.

I completely agree!

I was pregnant with twins and stayed really active; I played badminton all the way through my pregnancy, right up to when I gave birth prematurely at 32 weeks. My obstetrician was gobsmacked I was still playing when I told him!

And yet.... if you'd asked me to stand for 8 hours, I just couldn't have managed it.

Standing up for too long made me blow up like a balloon and somehow triggered nerve pain in my lower back. Lots of walking did the same. I remember once getting "trapped" in town because every time I put my foot on the floor to walk, it was like an electric shock! Horrendous pain! I just had to sit and wait for it to wear off. I think playing sports was different because although it was heavy aerobic exercise, it was in spurts, and I could sit down between matches. I also stuck to hitting lobs and volleys rather than drop shots by the end due to the sheer size of my belly and not being able to bend low 😅

I think it's really sensible to plan to sit down. Warm weather, summer, third trimester - balls to standing up for 8 hours!! In all honesty, I think it's slightly bonkers to go anyway. With that level of travel late on in the pregnancy, I wouldn't risk it. But if you feel OK about going, then sitting down is the smart option for lots of different reasons.

I'd actually be really disappointed in your friend OP. You say she's your best friend and planning to be your maid of honour - but doesn't seem to give a shit about your wellbeing at all. Her attitude would be hard for me to get past, if I'm honest.

As per PP, I think the message to her now is "if you still want to go, you're going to need to switch to the standing tickets because I won't be able to manage in my third trimester. Alternatively we can just cancel the whole thing, and refund your two tickets to your ex. You can't go if I don't attend so those are the only two options - which do you prefer?"

Thanks - my midwife has given me plenty of foot exercises to do to help with swelling, and I use compression socks. But with the SPD and the swelling, sitting is much better.

Contact Taylor Swifts management on X or other social media about accessibility? Might be an idea, OP?

The op is pregnant. Save things like this for people who are seriously ill/injured.

If she won’t swop, use her tickets for yourself. Since yours are ‘better’ you can sell those at a higher price, refund the ex and probably have some cash left over. That’s what I’d do if she won’t swop because if she doesn’t you can’t go and neither can she so you’d refund. This way you can refund and still go. Her choice to swop or accept refund. You get the seats either way

YANBU - but do just tell your friend Ticketmaster haven't been able to help so you'll be needing the seated tickets given your condition. If she's a good friend she should understand.
If by any chance this is in Dublin and you want to sell the tickets please let me know - my DD is TS's biggest fan and pretty bereft that despite advance codes etc we couldn't get her a ticket.

I think it's simple really, either she swaps tickets or no one goes. Job done.

If your DH and her BF aren't bothered about TS, can you sell their tickets? She travels with you and DH, BF stays home. You and friend have the seats and DH wanders around local city amusing himself while you're there?

Just a thought?

I've literally done it myself, more than once at that stage in pregnancy, so yes it isn't easy but if she couldn't do it at all she would outright tell her friend that they absolutely had to swap don't you think?

Ask her one more time bluntly. If she refuses, refund her the cost of the travel out of the ticket price and then the rest to the ex. Keep the seats and sell the standing ones!! Sod her.

This.

Can’t you go with your friend while your DH takes his own friend.

Are you being a moron on purpose or does it come naturally? Pregnancy can pose health/safety risks at every stage and especially later on. Workplaces have maternity risk assessments in place for a reason.

Ask her again if she'll swap. If she doesn't then tell her you'll have to sell all the tickets. Or give 2 back to the ex as he bought those, swap tickets and go with him. Ignore the women who say 'you're pregnant not disabled.' You can develop sciatica and pelvic pain in your pregnancy and it's easier to go to the toilet if you have a seat to return to.

I had awful pelvic pain and sciatica during pregnancy so I wouldn't have been able to stand for a long time. I struggled to walk even though I wasn't big so pregnancy affected my mobility. OP will also struggle to get to the toilets if she's got to keep going through a crowd.