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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kids playing in park

153 replies

Pickingmyselfup · 11/05/2024 17:27

Kids are soon to be 7 and 9, they have started playing alone in the park next to the house. I can see the majority of it through various windows/can hear the kids because they are noisy and see them by poking my head above the fence.

They know to stay in the park and there is a sensible older boy who will be in high school this year who also plays with them and keeps an eye on them.

It's lovely, they get freedom, I get peace and everyone is happy.

BUT

How do I start to relax?? I think my biggest fear is them being taken which is also the most unlikely scenario that could ever happen! It's a small kids park on a village estate, not an inner city crack den!

My youngest is only allowed out alone with his brother unless I'm outside pottering. All in all the risk is low but letting go is so hard! I'm constantly checking on them like every 30 seconds (mostly this is just me poking my head out when I can't hear them)

I don't want to be a helicopter parent, I had a lot more freedom but looking back I was capable of being sensible (ish) and mine are boys and a bit hyper so I'm not sure how sensible they are!

I did catch them once outside of the park away from the house and I promptly dragged them inside telling them that they were told to stay in the park itself, if they were to not listen then they would have to stay in for the near future. As I said to them it's not about where you were but I told you to stay in x place and you didn't do that so you have broken my trust.

I feel like this is a great starting point for their independence but God its hard! How do you deal with this??

OP posts:
Littlefish · 11/05/2024 17:32

I think 7 is too young to be at the park without an adult, even with a 9 year old sibling. So I'm not going to say that you should relax.

G5000 · 11/05/2024 17:34

It will get easier. I was very panicky at first whenever DC wanted to be home alone, or walk/bike to their friends' place by themselves. But when you see that they are actually quite smart and can manage unexpected situations nicely, it will get easier.

Cheeesus · 11/05/2024 17:36

I’d think 9 or 10 would be the youngest I’d be happy with. Not what you asked, sorry.

Ponoka7 · 11/05/2024 17:39

I agree that the 7 year old is too young to be unsupervised and other children shouldn't be made responsible for them. You need to keep watching them.

Londonrach1 · 11/05/2024 17:41

7 is Abit too young and the other child shouldn't be responsible for a child that age. I'll keep watching them. Think it's ok from age 9 ish... Can't remember when children learn to judge car speeds

nightmaries · 11/05/2024 17:43

Nope.

Somethingsnappy · 11/05/2024 17:45

I agree that 7 is too young. I'd think it was fine if you could see them at all times, but not to just relax and leave them to get on with it.

Sunnysat24 · 11/05/2024 17:46

I think your garden backs on to the park . I would do it if my fence was low so I can see constantly whilst I was in the garden. Over wise I would not .

BettyWont · 11/05/2024 17:49

I did catch them once outside of the park away from the house and I promptly dragged them inside telling them that they were told to stay in the park itself, if they were to not listen then they would have to stay in for the near future. As I said to them it's not about where you were but I told you to stay in x place and you didn't do that so you have broken my trust.

They're SIX and EIGHT years old. They've already proved they can't be trusted just yet.

What's the hurry OP?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 11/05/2024 17:49

I don’t. I have 3 kids. 11, 9 and 7. The 11 year old is allowed to go and play in the park by himself. The other 2 aren’t. And the 11 year old is too young to have the responsibility of looking after the little one.
If DS2 and / or 3 want to play in the park I go with them.

(it’s at the top of our street)

eurochick · 11/05/2024 18:08

Sorry. I also think the 7 year old is too young and the 9 year old is borderline.

likepebblesonabeach · 11/05/2024 18:32

I would say it's up to you what you feel comfortable with op but what got me was you said they are nearly 7 & 9 rather than saying their actual ages of 6 & 8 which sort of suggests to me you are trying to justify it to yourself by making them older than they are

coxesorangepippin · 11/05/2024 18:34

Yeah, 7 is too young.

And you can't expect your 10 year old and 'sensible' older kid to be responsible for them. They're too young too.

SmallestInTheClass · 11/05/2024 18:38

7 is very young unless an older sibling (eg a teenager) is around. We said when they walked to school on their own they could play out at the park. End of year 5, so aged about 9-10. My DD is the oldest out of the kids who play out near us and I've always been clear that she can help out with younger ones but she's not responsible for them. I would hate it if one of them had an accident and she felt she had to be the adult and it was her fault.

leafinthewind · 11/05/2024 18:39

It's next to the house and OP can see them! It's fabulous that the little park is right there and that the kids enjoy it. They can be home in under a minute if there's an injury or an argument. It's not much different than a large back garden. It's fine to be worried about them - and fine to keep checking on them. You'll worry less as you see that they have the tools they need to deal with various situations.

BeachHutsAndDeckchairs · 11/05/2024 18:41

A sensible child of 7 isn't too young if the they're not totally alone, in my opinion, and you relax eventually. It comes with time.

Whisperingsummerishere · 11/05/2024 18:41

Great.. You can watch them being taken away from your window...

Skybluepinky · 11/05/2024 18:43

Too much responsibility for a 9 year old to be in charge of a 7 year old, get out there and look after them, no wonder u r worried, cos deep down u know u r doing wrong.

TeenDivided · 11/05/2024 18:45

You are possibly anxious because 6 and 8 are in fact too young to be there alone.
Wait until next year when they will be 7.5 and 9.5 and you may feel a lot happier.

Danioyellow · 11/05/2024 18:48

I’ve got a 7yo and a 16yo. She’s only been allowed to take him to the park since she was 15. If 7 is too young to go alone, a 9yo should not be given responsibility of them. If anything happened to them you’d be at risk of prosecution for child endangerment on top of having missing children. You can’t relax because you’re not comfortable with your own actions, you know there’s something wrong about this

Danioyellow · 11/05/2024 18:49

Why have you put them as a year older than what they both are? So he’s not even 7, he’s fucking 6 🤦🏼‍♀️

AlwaysGinPlease · 11/05/2024 18:52

How do I start to relax??

You're so bloody relaxed you're practically asleep. It's crazy, they're far too young.

Pottedpalm · 11/05/2024 19:00

BeachHutsAndDeckchairs · 11/05/2024 18:41

A sensible child of 7 isn't too young if the they're not totally alone, in my opinion, and you relax eventually. It comes with time.

I agree. I started school at 4, my sister was six. We walked to school each day, a mile each way mainly over fields . There was one busy road near the school which had a lollipop lady. No harm befell us.
i know times change and this would be frowned on but I think in the OP’s scenario there is really no danger.

tiggergoesbounce · 11/05/2024 19:18

An 8/9 year old child should not be made responsible for their sibling so you, the parent, can have peace.

The 6 year old is your responsibility, and you should be in the park with him IMO.

So I don't think you need to chill out or relax sorry

Therageisreal · 11/05/2024 19:21

They’re 6 and 8 and are your responsibility not the responsibility of some random older child.