Kids playing in park

[Pickingmyselfup]

Kids are soon to be 7 and 9, they have started playing alone in the park next to the house. I can see the majority of it through various windows/can hear the kids because they are noisy and see them by poking my head above the fence.

They know to stay in the park and there is a sensible older boy who will be in high school this year who also plays with them and keeps an eye on them.

It's lovely, they get freedom, I get peace and everyone is happy.

BUT

How do I start to relax?? I think my biggest fear is them being taken which is also the most unlikely scenario that could ever happen! It's a small kids park on a village estate, not an inner city crack den!

My youngest is only allowed out alone with his brother unless I'm outside pottering. All in all the risk is low but letting go is so hard! I'm constantly checking on them like every 30 seconds (mostly this is just me poking my head out when I can't hear them)

I don't want to be a helicopter parent, I had a lot more freedom but looking back I was capable of being sensible (ish) and mine are boys and a bit hyper so I'm not sure how sensible they are!

I did catch them once outside of the park away from the house and I promptly dragged them inside telling them that they were told to stay in the park itself, if they were to not listen then they would have to stay in for the near future. As I said to them it's not about where you were but I told you to stay in x place and you didn't do that so you have broken my trust.

I feel like this is a great starting point for their independence but God its hard! How do you deal with this??

My daughter will be fine, thank you ☺️
Hope yours haven't had too much freedom too soon, often leads to trouble 🙂

I think you're doing exactly the right thing letting them have a bit of freedom. I don't think you ever really relax though 😏Bringing children up is about learning to let go and it's the hardest thing. Wait til they're teenagers and going out at night! I used to lie awake listening for that key in the door, DH snoring away beside me! They're in their 20s and 30s now and I still worry about them 🤷‍♀️ I think it's just a mother's lot in life!

I just would not let a soon to be 7 year old out alone. Sorry.

It's a privilege to be able to let your child out to play at that age alone. I live on a main road, kids do not "play out" here. The local park is not safe.

Jeez you people on here are behaving as if @Sofiabella needs to justify her parenting to you. Who do you think you are?
Can you hear yourself? "now you're painting it as if it's her choice" like you've hit on your "gotcha" moment..as if it's your business.

She shared her opinion and experience, she didn't invite you all to pile on and critique her parenting or her child's life. Nosey fuckers.

"It's a privilege to be able to let your child out to play at that age alone. I live on a main road, kids do not "play out" here. The local park is not safe."

I agree, and I think a lot of people forget that we don't all have that privilege too. I live on a council estate in one of Britains poverty pockets. We have regular TWOCers who screech scarily fast down our 20mph streets, drunk people staggering down the street, police coming and going and just last week a woman drugged up to her eyeballs crashed her stolen electric bike into our house.

These people have no idea what it's like for a lot of us. I'm a grown woman and even I don't even like going on my local park. Someone got GLASSED on the skate park, older kids steal bikes from the younger kids, creeps follow female joggers around. People don't even know they're born.

I live on a council estate too, in an ex-mining village in a northern town which also has a high level of social deprivation and all of the issues that come with those. My dc have played out on the street in front of our house with the local kids around their age since they were about 6-ish. As they've got older, they've been allowed to go further away - to the park next to the primary school, for instance, or to the shop or to the rec. It's not dangerous if you introduce freedoms gradually, slowly, and build up as they become more street-smart.

I don't know what child would rather be walking aimlessly around the same ten streets. Gets boring pretty quickly I'd imagine 🤣 Are there not woods or open spaces nearby? Do they not have bikes or scooters or balls or chalks?

Exactly @Beezknees I think sometimes people are comfortable in their own little bubble and forget that the world other people experience is a whole different place.

@blablasmthsmth

as if it's your business.

It's my business as much as anyone's on a public forum. She's posting her opinions on OP's parenting. Is there a reason she can spout her opinions and I can't respond with mine?

She can post what she wants and so can I. Try to worry less about it.

Couple different issues here
1 They are young tbh & having gone out of park safe area' have shown they aren't old enough to understand the basic rules.
2 an 11 Yr old being around isn't good enough imo. Or having your older child looking out for younger one.
perhaps I'm biased, my DGM was the 10yr old child in charge of her younger sister & a disaster happened, neither she nor her parents ever forgave her, unacceptable! - she was a child & carried this for the rest of her life, her relationship with them & wider family never recovered & frankly blighted her whole life ...so your children, your responsibility - if not comfortable please don't palm off your responsibility to a child.
I speak as oldest of 5 siblings who was always expected to help out but also always never expected to be responsible (see above why!)
3 as with everything parentwise you will become more confident & relaxed with each child. This does mean kids need to abide by your rules & gain trust, if not rules become stricter again. Its life. I have 3 older teens YA DC & can see this happening as a parent myself. I speak as the oldest of 5, & having strictest rules applied to me.
Decide where your absolute boundaries lie now, kids will attempt to stretch them regardless but will ultimately respect you setting them out & sticking hy them. I have permissive parent friends whose now older teenage kids frankly ride roughshod all over them & they have now given up all hope of any decent relationship with them. We set out our/their limits when they were very young, stuck to them & largely they've respected them & 2DS live at home as students(city) & we have great relationship with them.
If you're uncomfortable with it trust your instincts & don't do it, who cares what anyone else thinks they're your kids & you are responsible.

That's nice for your children @BeachHutsAndDeckchairs but you understand that not every person will have your experience. I don't live on your estate, I live on mine. We don't have children my son's age on our street, but we do have speeding cars going twice the limit and mopeds speeding on the pavements.

We have a nice little park round the corner that's been locked up since before my son was born and some fields where the local teens like to race their mopeds and light fires.

I think I would leave it a year if I were you. I feel with them at this age you should listen to your own instincts and if you are not feeling relaxed then don't do it.

If you are still worried when they are 10 and 12 then maybe you could try forcing yourself to relax 😊

Well you could take your own advice Spud, maybe worry less about piling on someone when their life ha literally no affect on you whatsoever?

You're saying you can both post what you want..well I can post what I want, right? By offering your opinion you invited my opinion on yourself, is that how it works? Is there a reason you can spout your opinions but I can't respond with mine? 😉

@blablasmthsmth

No one's life on Mumsnet affects me. I post where I please.

Respond all you like.

Why are you expecting an older child to keep an eye on your DC?

Also how noisy are they? Are they disturbing your neighbours?

Of course you post where you please, we all do. But when you're pressing other people about their parenting repeatedly and expecting them to justify themselves to you then expect for other people to pull you up on it.

At the end of the day, you felt entitled to post your opinion on another persons post but when I did the same to you, you got upset.

At the end of the day, you felt entitled to post your opinion on another persons post but when I did the same to you, you got upset.

Upset is a hell of a reach. Post your brains out hen, I'm not fussed.

It will come.

Mine have been going out to play since age 7/8 at the park round the corner that I cannot see.

We checked up on them a lot at the start and required them to check in regularly and gradually over time we relaxed.

As they got older and demonstrated responsibility they got wider areas to roam and were allowed out longer.

It's normal to worry but it's also important to build their independence over time.

We brought small two way radios they could clip onto their belts and I'd call them every 20mins or so for a check in.

Also put Bluetooth tags on shoes or in clothes, just incase but I'm a bit paranoid

Completely agree.

It depends on the child and the area.

The vast majority of kids go out to play by at least age 7 where I live in Scotland but I do notice a cultural divide on this issue with England (At least on MN).

Are you joking? 7 and 9?

The vast majority of kids go out to play by at least age 7 where I live in Scotland but I do notice a cultural divide on this issue with England (At least on MN).

Completely agree with this. Scotland here too. Every time this subject comes up on Mumsnet it's full of people aghast at kids out playing, and Scottish posters baffled at the reaction.

Every time this subject comes up on Mumsnet it's full of people aghast at kids out playing, and Scottish posters baffled at the reaction

@Spudthespanner

You've summed it up perfectly

Sure, maybe it's the way I read it. "Why can she say what she wants but I can't" sounded like a whinging child to me 🤷🏽‍♀️