Kids playing in park

[Pickingmyselfup]

Kids are soon to be 7 and 9, they have started playing alone in the park next to the house. I can see the majority of it through various windows/can hear the kids because they are noisy and see them by poking my head above the fence.

They know to stay in the park and there is a sensible older boy who will be in high school this year who also plays with them and keeps an eye on them.

It's lovely, they get freedom, I get peace and everyone is happy.

BUT

How do I start to relax?? I think my biggest fear is them being taken which is also the most unlikely scenario that could ever happen! It's a small kids park on a village estate, not an inner city crack den!

My youngest is only allowed out alone with his brother unless I'm outside pottering. All in all the risk is low but letting go is so hard! I'm constantly checking on them like every 30 seconds (mostly this is just me poking my head out when I can't hear them)

I don't want to be a helicopter parent, I had a lot more freedom but looking back I was capable of being sensible (ish) and mine are boys and a bit hyper so I'm not sure how sensible they are!

I did catch them once outside of the park away from the house and I promptly dragged them inside telling them that they were told to stay in the park itself, if they were to not listen then they would have to stay in for the near future. As I said to them it's not about where you were but I told you to stay in x place and you didn't do that so you have broken my trust.

I feel like this is a great starting point for their independence but God its hard! How do you deal with this??

A 6 year old is too young to play out.

A 9 year old is OK as long as you are keeping checks on them. Y5s are allowed to walk to and from school by themselves here.

There are a bunch of kids in my village who were allowed to play out from the age of 6/7. Funnily enough they are the ones who are known to be disruptive at school. YABU.

@blablasmthsmth

Did it, aye?

Yes. That's how I read it in my head at least.

They are young but going by what I used to be able to do they are really old!
It’s a different world now. More cars. More teens doing stupid things so they can film it to put on TikTok. More perverts who feel comfortable displaying sick fetishes because society is letting them get away with it nowadays.

What you used to do at the same age is irrelevant. I used to walk to the shop at 9 and go on the bus to the leisure centre at 13, I wouldn’t dream of letting my kids do that. I certainly wouldn’t let a 6yo play at the park unsupervised.

You also can’t say bad things didn’t happen back in those days. Parents just seemed to give less of a shit. Some very bad things happened to me and my friends, I want to protect my own kids from that.

Completely agree, im in Scotland too and I can't get over an 11 year old only being allowed to play in a garden.

@likepebblesonabeach

Completely agree, im in Scotland too and I can't get over an 11 year old only being allowed to play in a garden.

Completely boggles my mind. It's a damn shame.

As pp pointed out they are actually 6 and 8 not 7 and 9. The 'nearly' is doing some work there!

It's ok because it turns out she only wants to play in the garden anyway 🤣

@likepebblesonabeach

The idea that I wouldn't let my 11 yr old out of the garden - just absurd.

@Aria999

Aye, that'll be the electrified fencing.

In Nz kids play out at that age. Thank Christ - they actually get to enjoy their childhoods

You're all so boring 🤣
Carry on letting your kids roam the streets when they've barely started school. They'll be the ones posted on the local FB pages getting up to all sorts because their parents couldn't be arsed to parent them and wanted them out the house from sunrise to sundown.
I know where my child is, she's happy, she's with her friends most days and they're having a great childhood. Because an 11 year old is a child, despite the weirdos on here acting as if I should barely see her at this age.
When she's a bit older and able to cope with a 40 minute bus ride and navigate a large town without an adult then I'm sure she'll have a great time doing so.
For now I'll enjoy having a house and garden full of kids 🙂

@Sofiabella

Sounding the hyperbole klaxon 🤣😳😳

Every time you post you show your motivation behind keeping your child penned in the garden.

It's because she's a child that she should be "roaming" further than her garden.

The fact that she wants to stay in the garden isn't the argument for keeping her there as you think it is. It shows she's socially developmentally behind where she should be. She's not alone, millions of parents are doing the same to their children sadly.

I'm thankful that in Scotland most parents still have the sense to give their children more freedom. It's better for society as a whole.

I really don't care enough to spend the day debating it. She's a very happy, very intelligent, very popular CHILD and I love that her and her friends love being at our house rather than wandering the streets. Have a fabulous day relieving yourself of your parenting duties and telling yourself it's a good deed 🤣 off to set the hot tub up for when the hordes inevitably arrive 🙂
Won't be returning to this thread, peace out ✌️

Have a fabulous day relieving yourself of your parenting duties and telling yourself it's a good deed

It's not surprising that you think it's a case of either or: either my child "roams" the streets like an urchin never seeing their parents, or I keep them in the garden all the time never out of sight of their parents.

Most people are capable of doing things as a family and allowing their children the developmentally appropriate freedom away from adults. Society is fucked if parents keep their children under the thumb until they are teenagers.

The problem won't be fixed by YouTube and hot tubs.

I realise that, of course. Your street isn't the OP's street, either, and she does feel that it's fine for her dc to play out. I think that's a good thing - children should be allowed out to play and to develop the skills they will need to live as independent and confident adults.

I probably didn't make it clear enough but my point was the pp who doesn't let her 11 y old play out of the garden is not doing her dc any favours in the long run - 7 is not too young to gradually allow them to develop street-smarts and be able to go further without adults hovering over them. The park outside the back garden in a safe area sounds fine to me, a person living in a council house on a rough estate. I was also trying to make it clear that I don't live in some kind of idyllic little village.

Out of interest, when do you think you will let your dc go out without you and how will you build them up to be able to do that? Eventually you're going to have to loosen the reins.

Allowing children age-appropriate independence is very much my parenting duty. Helicopter parenting creates vulnerable, anxious, dependent, and self-conscious children.

Thanks for the opinions, I understand why people think they are too young, I feel like they aren't too young to do it little and often.

I am finding it hard to give them that freedom even though it's as low risk as it could be because I'm a worry wart and envision a pack of wild hyenas, a kidnapper waiting to lure them into his van, a cracked open head..

The first 2 are highly unlikely, the 3rd entirely possible but when my youngest was smaller he fell off the climbing frame headfirst because despite me being there he wasn't anywhere near the edge until he tripped over his own feet and sailed over the edge. He also required a trip to hospital the other week because his friend accidentally scratched him in the eye.

You can't prevent everything and for me that is honestly the scariest thing. I can only do my best at keeping them safe but there is never any guarantee. We could get hit by a speeding car mounting the pavement, get mauled by a passing dog, caught up in an armed robbery going to buy milk but if we worried like that we would be jibbering wrecks!!!

All I can do is my best based on my own judgment of their capabilities and hope they come home in one piece.

Please do not rely on the older child to keep an eye on yours though, it is absolutely not their responsibility.

I don't, he plays with them nicely and wouldn't encourage any unwanted behaviour but I'm the parent and I'm responsible. Hence why when he suggested keeping an eye on them whilst I went to the shop I said no and took them with me.

I think he's a great influence on my kids, polite, including, sensible but he's still a child and can't be responsible.

but you are sending tow children to the park alone, so if something happened to one child, then what effect would that have on the other? A child sadly died near us a few weeks ago, while accompanied only by a slightly older sibling - do you think that sibling is ever going to come to terms with that?

"Hope they come home in one piece."

Jesus Christ

I don't know what kind of park you have near you but ours really isn't full of broken glass, razors and all kinds of stuff.

The odds of something happening are pretty slim! It's literally an area of grass and trees, a climbing frame, a baby swing and 2 proper swings. They can't get into any more trouble than they can in my back garden.

It's true though when they are in their teens and adult hood. Not so much now because they are in the park next door but when they start driving?