Kids playing in park

[Pickingmyselfup]

Kids are soon to be 7 and 9, they have started playing alone in the park next to the house. I can see the majority of it through various windows/can hear the kids because they are noisy and see them by poking my head above the fence.

They know to stay in the park and there is a sensible older boy who will be in high school this year who also plays with them and keeps an eye on them.

It's lovely, they get freedom, I get peace and everyone is happy.

BUT

How do I start to relax?? I think my biggest fear is them being taken which is also the most unlikely scenario that could ever happen! It's a small kids park on a village estate, not an inner city crack den!

My youngest is only allowed out alone with his brother unless I'm outside pottering. All in all the risk is low but letting go is so hard! I'm constantly checking on them like every 30 seconds (mostly this is just me poking my head out when I can't hear them)

I don't want to be a helicopter parent, I had a lot more freedom but looking back I was capable of being sensible (ish) and mine are boys and a bit hyper so I'm not sure how sensible they are!

I did catch them once outside of the park away from the house and I promptly dragged them inside telling them that they were told to stay in the park itself, if they were to not listen then they would have to stay in for the near future. As I said to them it's not about where you were but I told you to stay in x place and you didn't do that so you have broken my trust.

I feel like this is a great starting point for their independence but God its hard! How do you deal with this??

Is your DC going to high school and has never been out alone?

No and that's not what I said? She walks to and from school alone, but she doesn't "play out", she doesn't actually want to. She has her friends over and she goes to theirs, I don't see a need for her to roam the streets at 11 years old.

My 7 and 5 year olds play out by themselves, they have a very specific area they are allowed and I can see them at all times from our living room (full length windows across the whole of the front of the house so have an easy, full view of them.) There are usually other kids and neighbours out there, the thing i worry about most is dogs. In your circumstances I would probably take a similar approach to you - keeping a very close eye and watching their confidence and your trust in them build until they are a bit older and you feel more comfortable checking in on them less frequently. Not sure that process can be sped up!

She walks to and from school alone, but doesn't go "out" alone as I don't see the need. She has her friends over and goes to theirs, just doesn't roam the streets as why would she at 11 years old?
I find it more shocking you send a six year old out alone to be honest.

Playing out is not "roaming the streets". It's children playing with their friends. Tbh I think that is sad that your child doesn't want to do that - to play, independently, outside.

I think the reason you can't relax is because your gut is telling you that they are too young for you not to have some level of supervision.
I definitely couldn't have relaxed at home with my seven year old at the park.

Aww! No she's a very happy 11 year old, on course to smash her SATs next week and has loads of friends round or goes to theirs. Sure you could find more deserving courses to be sad about 🤣

She has her friends over and she goes to theirs, I don't see a need for her to roam the streets at 11 years old.

Roam the streets?

Such a shame for young people nowadays. Now the evenings are lighter she should be off out on a bike with her friends. At 11 we'd get our bikes or rollerblades and head off for most of the day. Why do they just go to each other's houses? Why aren't they out? We used to get the bus to the swimming pool together at age 11, or walk the half hour to the local cinema, or head off to the youth club.

We live in a tiny village, the nearest "thing to do" is a 40 min bus ride so nope I wouldn't want her to be going alone into the next town at age 11 🙂
I also wouldn't want my 11 year old to disappear for most of the day, unlike some I didn't have my child to get rid of her as soon as humanly possible.
Luckily her friends mum's are the same, none of her friends roam the streets. We practically have a park in our back garden anyway with swings, slides, trampoline etc so end up with a garden full. I like it 🙂

I cant believe an 11 isn't allowed out with friends.
I think this has shocked me more than the op.

Her friends don't play out, why would she play out alone? 🤣 We had six 10/11 year olds in our garden today, was lovely. None of them would rather be wandering around the streets bored.

@Sofiabella you honestly don't think that 6 11 year old girls wouldn't rather have a bit of freedom, and that doesn't mean "roaming the streets" than having to play in someone's garden?
Have they actually been given the choice and any sort of responsibility?

12

I didn't have my child to get rid of her as soon as humanly possible.

Your choice of language is telling.
"I like it 🙂"

Hint: her childhood isn't all about you and what you like.

It's normal for 11 year old children to go off for the day on their bikes with friends. If it's becoming more commonplace for a group of 11 year olds to stay in their parents' gardens and not venture anywhere alone, that's a very sad state of affairs. It's crucial for children's development to be away from adults. They can't even be alone in playgrounds anymore without adults monitoring everything, and now their own parents will happily watch them stay at home all the time.

I'd be out there with them at that age.

No I don't, they spent the whole day laughing, having water fights, playing on the trampoline, watching YouTube on their phones and having a lovely time. There's literally nowhere to go in our village, if I told them to get out of the garden full of fun stuff and "go play" in the street they'd be back in two minutes 🤣

Ok I'll tell them tomorrow that they have to go wander the boring village streets and they're not allowed to play in the garden with the trampoline, garden equipment etc. They'll be buzzing I'm sure 😊 I like it, they like it, their parents like it.

7 year old in a park without an adult... are you mad! Take your child to the park as a family surely.

Well unless you have strangers in your back garden, it is different…

We have a park across from our house, but no way will my child be going there alone for quite some time

@Sofiabella so I'll ask again, have they been given the choice or any sort of responsibility?
You were the one that said you wouldn't let your 11 year old out aline in your first post.

Because there's nowhere to go? What am I supposed to ask her "do you want to go play with your friends behind the bus stop?" 🤣🤣
They're perfectly happy and I'm sure will choose to return tomorrow, thank you ☺️

"I don't let my 11 year old out alone."

Now you're painting it as her (and conveniently all her friends) choice.

It sounds like a group of 11 year olds have never been allowed out to play at the developmentally appropriate stage and now they don't know what to do without phones, YouTube and adult supervision. You've created this set up and you like it.

All the more shocking in a quiet village which will be safer than some busy inner city. Are you surrounded by barren wasteland? Those girls should be off out.

Where are all the 11 year old boys in this little village? Off out, or glued to PlayStations?

Should be off where?!🤣 They're much happier in each others houses/gardens.
I don't know what child would rather be walking aimlessly around the same ten streets. Gets boring pretty quickly I'd imagine 🤣
We often have boys round too! Crazy isn't it?
I'll enjoy my young child and her friends being around for as long as they want to. When she's ready to be travelling into the next town alone to go to the cinema etc I'm sure they'll be doing that. But not at 11, it's too far away.

I don't know what child would rather be walking aimlessly around the same ten streets. Gets boring pretty quickly I'd imagine 🤣

This is a serious lack of imagination. Don't they own bikes or have any desire to get away from adults? Don't they have their own imaginations and gumption not to be "aimless" without adults around?

I'm sure the desire to cut the apron strings will come soon enough, hopefully not in too wild a manner after years of being cosseted by parents. That's often the pattern, especially with young girls.

Too young. I would worry too.
I wouldn't allow it.