Kids playing in park

[Pickingmyselfup]

Kids are soon to be 7 and 9, they have started playing alone in the park next to the house. I can see the majority of it through various windows/can hear the kids because they are noisy and see them by poking my head above the fence.

They know to stay in the park and there is a sensible older boy who will be in high school this year who also plays with them and keeps an eye on them.

It's lovely, they get freedom, I get peace and everyone is happy.

BUT

How do I start to relax?? I think my biggest fear is them being taken which is also the most unlikely scenario that could ever happen! It's a small kids park on a village estate, not an inner city crack den!

My youngest is only allowed out alone with his brother unless I'm outside pottering. All in all the risk is low but letting go is so hard! I'm constantly checking on them like every 30 seconds (mostly this is just me poking my head out when I can't hear them)

I don't want to be a helicopter parent, I had a lot more freedom but looking back I was capable of being sensible (ish) and mine are boys and a bit hyper so I'm not sure how sensible they are!

I did catch them once outside of the park away from the house and I promptly dragged them inside telling them that they were told to stay in the park itself, if they were to not listen then they would have to stay in for the near future. As I said to them it's not about where you were but I told you to stay in x place and you didn't do that so you have broken my trust.

I feel like this is a great starting point for their independence but God its hard! How do you deal with this??

Sending a six year old out unsupervised with the attitude that they'll hopefully come back alive is WILD.

That wasn't what I meant, I meant when they are older because then they are taking their own risks but it doesn't mean you worry less. I will still worry when they have passed their driving test or going on a camping trip because that is a lot more risky than playing in the park even it they are teenagers!

Just wanted to write I would definetly allow my 7 year old to the park next to my house.. especially with an older sibling.. children don't need to be watched all the time! If you know it's usually safe it's nice for them to have freedom.

It can be worrying and I understand considering the worst... I'd just keep checking on them tbh until you feel a bit easier about it...

I'm shocked about all these comments saying 7 is too young tbh!

I don't let my 11 year old out alone, not a chance in hell I'd be leaving her responsible for my six year old. Way too young OP, sorry

@Sofiabella you are doing your child a huge disservice, this is not good parenting despite what you might think to the contrary, unless a drip feed about additional Needs etc

But if one (god forbid) had a serious accident in your garden, the other would not hold themselves responsible for the rest of their lives, would they

Too young.
But there are 6 year olds walking the streets alone where I live so I think I'm in the minority.

They wouldn't if that was to happen at the park across the road, either, if people are careful not to apportion blame.

A kid paying in the park behind their garden is in no more danger than a kid playing in the street outside their house and if they know their parents are watching, and available if anything was to happen, they won't feel as if they're in charge and their responsible. They'll just be out playing with their siblings.

Do people really go about their lives constantly expecting accidents and looking for dangers and thinking the worst everywhere they go? It must be exhausting.

On MN they do. Also, constant child kidnappings.

Another day of hyperbole and hysteria on MN. 🤣

7 is too young imo. Mini blondes is 7. No way she would be at a park without me

9 maybe / but he shouldn't be in charge /look after his 7yr

world according to MN is a very dangerous place. Kidnappings and out of control speeding cars in quiet village playgrounds. But also you cannot ever leave children home alone, as you will inevitably have a car accident while your house suddenly spontaneously combusts..

This thread has been an eye-opener. At 6/7 I was walking 2 miles to school with my younger siblings. Same with swimming - my dad had to take us which meant me being in charge of us all at 6 as he couldn't be in the same changing room as us.

And now apparently kids twice that age are too young to play out alone?!

@fitzwilliamdarcy doesn't necessarily make it right that at 6 you were put in charge of your younger siblings

@fitzwilliamdarcy yes from about the same I was walking across the town to school with my friend, picking up all of my younger cousins and our friends along the way, and then repeating in reverse going home.

We'd walk across the fields behind our house to the park and stay there all day long, messing about in the streams and in the paddling pool.

Things did happen - older boys would try to intimidate us and we saw a car accident but we knew what to do (ran to a phone box and knocked on local doors) because it had been drilled into us. One cousin refused to go to school one day so some of us stayed with him and some went on to school to get a teacher. When we were a bit older and allowed to go to town by ourselves, if buses didn't turn up we knew what to do and if there were any other problems we knew we could ring home using reverse charging. Yes, the world has changed since then, but not so much and in a lot of ways it's safer than it used to be; and people haven't changed. People are still the same now as they used to be.

Children aren't idiots, mostly, and given the opportunity and the skills they need to cope, they can manage risk and they can look after themselves. They do so every day in other parts of the world.

Keeping them in and sheltered might keep them safe in the moment but when and how do they learn to cope, to assess and mitigate risk, to look after themselves and each other, when they're not given the opportunity to do so until they're into the pre-teenage years?

I know people like to talk about the good old days when children were allowed to play out from a young age. But do you remember those scary public information films they used to show at schools, I still have nightmares about them! And there was a reason we were shown them.

In my peer group at Primary school 3 children were hit by cars (on separate occasions) whilst playing out and 1 of them died.

I’m not sure children did always know what they were doing

Yes, I do remember them and believe we should still have them. The government committee for public safety information (don't know its proper title) was disbanded so the only ones made now are from charities and other groups, which is why we rarely see them now.

We can all sit here and share horror stories of kids who have got into some kind of trouble and then scare ourselves into limiting our children's freedoms in the hope of protecting them but it really is doing them no favours - they benefit from playing outside with friends and without close adult supervision and limiting this is really not helping.

There are growing numbers of charities and government action groups calling for change, to encourage more outdoor play and to educate parents on the benefits of it because it is so important to children's mental and physical health and well-being.

https://www.playengland.org.uk/

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/jan/23/children-suffering-due-to-lack-of-outdoor-play-uk-charities-warn

https://www.savethechildren.org.uk/news/media-centre/press-releases/children-today-62-percent-less-likely-to-play-outside-than-their

https://playingout.net/blog/uk-government-backs-play-streets/

But most of those initiatives don't seem to be encouraging 6 years olds to be out supervising their younger siblings, they just seem to be encouraging families to look at some sort of outdoor activity for their children. Or provide more safe, outdoor spaces. Do 6yo need to be independent and also responsible for their younger siblings?

And let's remember many parents didn't send children out to play for hours on end for the fun of the children, it was to get children out of their way so they could do chores, or the children were latchkey kids, or just get them out from under their feet. It was rarely child focussed.

I was brought up in the 70s, this was also the decade where children sat in cars in the pub carpark whilst parents were drinking inside, before they drove us home. The decade where we crammed as many children as you could in a car, some even in the boot. Again, parents were not thinking of their children. I have sometimes heard the parenting style of the 70s described as benign neglect. Not sure it is something we should be emulating.

I think this is all about context. My DC although we are going back a couple of decades had freedom as we live in a rural village on the road to nowhere. I know you can't rule out risk at all but only you know about the proximity of the park to your home and the other children that frequent the park.

When I read MN sometimes I fear there are some kids going off to Uni never having crossed the road alone.

I grew up in the early 80s and have similar memories and I'm not saying we should go back to exactly how it was then, but the pendulum is swinging too far in the opposite direction now and we have a generation of kids with social, emotional and behaviour problems, as well as high levels of anxiety and of obesity as a result.

There is a middle ground between the two. Also, a child playing out with younger siblings and friends is not necessarily a child left in charge of or responsible for those younger children; they're simply playing with each other.

When I send my children out to play it's not to get rid of them or get them out from under my feet; if anything it's more stressful when they're out because I worry about them. If I kept them in, though, or went out and followed them about, it would be for my benefit and not theirs.

No-one has answered my questions though: when will these overly anxious, overly cautious parents give their children freedom to play unsupervised, to roam further than their own garden, to use their own initiative and to take and mitigate risks for themselves? These are not things that just miraculously happen after a certain age - they need to be modelled and taught and then put into practise over and over, gradually building up and increasing the freedom and the responsibility that they will need to be able to cope with when they're adults.

@BeachHutsAndDeckchairs who sorts out a child if they are hurt or need something if no adult about? It will have to be one of the children who is responsible, or if a younger child wants to do something rash or dangerous?

Those young lads who died in frozen lake a couple of years ago, died because one went in and the others tried to rescue them. Who was the one responsible and looking out for the others? One of them was 6. Not sure that 6yo needed that level of freedom.

Yes building up gradually is the way forward but I also never thought I should expect older children to be completely responsible for my young child.

Children had mental health issues in the past, many children were sexually assaulted by their peers in the golden age of playing out, but never said anything.

Many of the issues we have with children now are down to social media etc. Letting children play out is not going to solve all problems

Terrible accidents like that happen, but you have to teach your children safety rules before you let them out to roam. For instance the frozen lake - there's a classic children's cartoon in Finland, aimed at below school age children (so before they are starting to go places by themselves) that warns about weak ice (in a terrifying way, so it really sticks in your mind!)

Children tend to help each other out when there's no adults around. I remember when me and my brother were young, we were roaming a forest while on holiday and he got stuck when we were climbing up on a big rock. I had to help him down, it was too high to physically help him down so I had to talk him down and eventually got him down safe and sound. Of course the idea that my children will do something like that scares me but I have such fond memories of exploring with my brother, including the risks we took, that I hope they do take a little bit of risk so long as they don't do anything properly dangerous like go on weak ice.

@Natsku many parents probably wouldn’t want their child to watch that in this country. So many complain if their child, whilst at school, watches a news programme that is aimed at children.

Yeah that's not good, doesn't help the children to shield them from the things they need to know about in order to be safe. I'll certainly be showing my son that video before the next winter, as well as telling him he can't go near the lake without me.

Yes, in schools in which I've worked, the police come and do a safety talk about the dangers of frozen water and if they haven't, then I've done that same talk. There should be more of those shocking safety videos. As parents you drill safety into them and hope it stays there because, as I've said over and over again, you are not actually helping them by wrapping them in cotton wool.

That's another example of overprotecting children now, and making them more fearful rather than less. I despair sometimes at how ridiculous it is now.