Kids playing in park

[Pickingmyselfup]

Kids are soon to be 7 and 9, they have started playing alone in the park next to the house. I can see the majority of it through various windows/can hear the kids because they are noisy and see them by poking my head above the fence.

They know to stay in the park and there is a sensible older boy who will be in high school this year who also plays with them and keeps an eye on them.

It's lovely, they get freedom, I get peace and everyone is happy.

BUT

How do I start to relax?? I think my biggest fear is them being taken which is also the most unlikely scenario that could ever happen! It's a small kids park on a village estate, not an inner city crack den!

My youngest is only allowed out alone with his brother unless I'm outside pottering. All in all the risk is low but letting go is so hard! I'm constantly checking on them like every 30 seconds (mostly this is just me poking my head out when I can't hear them)

I don't want to be a helicopter parent, I had a lot more freedom but looking back I was capable of being sensible (ish) and mine are boys and a bit hyper so I'm not sure how sensible they are!

I did catch them once outside of the park away from the house and I promptly dragged them inside telling them that they were told to stay in the park itself, if they were to not listen then they would have to stay in for the near future. As I said to them it's not about where you were but I told you to stay in x place and you didn't do that so you have broken my trust.

I feel like this is a great starting point for their independence but God its hard! How do you deal with this??

Way too young

I don't think it's as risky as it could be so that's why I'm somewhat OK with it.

They are young but going by what I used to be able to do they are really old! I'm not worried about cars but definitely a kidnapper but when does that ever go away?

They are pretty much in my sight the whole time but there have been times when they aren't because they are behind a bush or something.

I was allowed to play in my school playground over the road from my house at an early age, definitely 6 because I remember it! It was somewhat visible from the house but certainly not within earshot like my kids are now.

Definitely aged 9 I was going further afield, I think at that age I was allowed to be out of sight and earshot as long as I stayed in a certain area.

So this is why the park is a great starting point because at some point my eldest will be going further, in a year and a bit he can walk the mile to school and back if I give permission so we need to start somewhere.

I will be walking his brother anyway so hoping I can keep an eye on him for a bit but they do need to learn and at some point I need to let go and I don't see what will change between now and a year's time in terms of my anxiety. We can practice the walk to school as we do on a daily basis but that won't help my paranoia!

Sorry I think they're too young!

Your 8 yo is fine on his own. It is being responsible for the 6yo which is iffy.

I don't let my 11 year old out alone, not a chance in hell I'd be leaving her responsible for my six year old. Way too young OP, sorry.

I was always a bit overprotective of mine but I would never have let mine out at 6 and 8 years old and I’d be concerned if I saw two such young children out alone. I think the last term of primary is soon enough to be playing out alone. Children are little for such a short amount of time, is it really such a hardship to be out there with your dc watching them have fun?

@Pickingmyselfup

You obviously didn't need to post as you think you're right 🤷🏻‍♀️ despite the good advice to the contrary. Pointless.

This has definitely got to be an area thing because where I live 7 year olds are in the park playing happily and always have been. I'm genuinely shocked that people think that the last year of primary is the acceptable age.

I'm surprised you don't let your 11 year old out to play, surely they are in high school or almost in school so they need that independence?

I'd be worried about traffic, more than kidnappers. The fact you caught them straying up the road means they'll be doing that again.
I think if they were both 9 or 10 it'd be better. I'd say they need to be old enough to have phones.
So at this stage I'd still be keeping a pretty firm eye. Unless it really is a tiny rural hamlet with nothing but fields all around.

I think 7 is a bit young too and it's not fair for the 9 year old to be responsible for the younger one. My DD is 9 and I let her play around our street and nearby playground with friends, this is the first year I've let her do this.
I think the fact that you're so stressed about it is telling you that you know they are a bit too young

there is a sensible older boy who will be in high school this year who also plays with them and keeps an eye on them.

This really stands out to me. You’re putting a massive amount of faith in a 10year old. What if he goes home early or has a bit of an idiot-ten-year-old moment and does something stupid. It’s not fair on the older ones to put that loco parentis responsibility on them.

I asked how do I start to relax about giving the kids independence because I know that each stage comes with its own worry!

I'm OK with them being in the park even though I worry and I want to know how to learn to relax because right now it's the park, then it's walking to school, then going into town with friends etc etc.

Each age comes with more independence but you have to let go eventually.

Does this come with time and them proving to be trustworthy with each small step?

So now I worry about the park, then I might relax about that but then it's argh they are walking to school and so on and so on.

Traffic isn't an issue, we are on a dead end on all ends so people driving down here go slowly because they are turning into their drive and it's not the kind of road you can speed down anyway because it's small.

Where I live the park is in the middle with our houses all in a square round it, no road to cross and there are children playing out from maybe 6, you can see them from the house.

my DC played out there when we moved here so maybe he was 8. You only relax when they have been doing it for awhile without incident. Until then you will keep popping your head over the fence.

Where we lived before was a cul-de-sac and all of the girls were a similar age and they played out from 6ish, I used to do my ironing in the hall with the front door open so I could watch without “watching”

Sounds a lot like my park so I guess for the rest of the summer I'll be checking on them every 30 seconds. If I'm outside I don't need to because I can hear them, they are so noisy!

I just know that it's scary giving them independence no matter what that stage is! I still check on them if they are quiet after 5 minutes in the house!

You'll get used to it in time, and gradually increase the length of time between checking. Disagree that 7 is too young so long as the child is ready and comfortable, that's the age children start going to the park and walking to school alone where I am. My youngest is 6 and is chomping at the bit for some independence so I let him walk out of sight of me in the woods (there were neither bears nor men there that day), with walkies talkies to keep in touch, and he was so happy.

I couldn't take advice on this topic from someone who doesn't let an 11 year old out alone.

OP, it really depends on where you live. People living in cities or the suburbs with busy roads have no idea of village or rural life. It depends what you're happy with. I'd suggest that if you're really antsy that's maybe an indication that the wee one is still too young. By 8 years old you'll probably feel differently.

How old will your child be when you finally allow them some freedom? You are not doing then any favours by keeping them under your constant supervision and if anything this is worse than letting them out too soon.

That's the thing, I don't feel I will which makes it very much a me problem.

This is my park, obviously in a photo you can see less. If I go out my front door my drive is next to the park, if I stand on the outdoor sofa I can see over the fence.

If I look out of one child's window I can see more park, if I look out of the other I can see more of the front.

I can't see them if they are in the bushes climbing the trees but I can normally hear at least one and where one is the other one is pretty much guaranteed to be there too.

If the park was round the corner then no way but at what point do you become comfortable with them being out of sight/earshot? Maybe not 6 and 8 but eventually they will be and how do you build up to that?

I guess this is what I'm asking, when do you feel comfortable with them playing out and what did you do to get to that stage? It's all very well saying 11, 12, 13 but what does that consist of? By 13 I was getting the bus into town to go shopping, by 14 I was going strawberry picking.

There must have been a process leading up to this that made my parents be like ok off you go.

Sorry the other photo from a different window didn't load but basically the only thing that separates my garden and the park is a fence.

It's fab you've got a wee play park right there next to your garden. I think you have to just go with what you feel is right and push through it. Check on them regularly and lay down the law about them leaving the park. Have consequences that really matter to them and stick to it.

7 is probably too young for me. I was playing out in the street with friends from age 8. At 9 we could play in surrounding streets in the neighbourhood but it was known that you didn't stray far. By 10 we were venturing further and taking bikes to the park etc. No phones of course.

7 seems too young. I think if you wait until they’re older you’ll probs be able to relax better

Inappropriate OP for you to expect an unrelated 9 yo to 'keep an eye' on your children. I think 6 is way too young and even 8 to play unsupervised by an adult even if they are almost 9! I think you know they are too young but you want to convince yourself. I don't think you'll get much support on here OP.

It's unfair on the older child. What if something does happen - anything from breaking a leg to being taken. The poor older kid is going to get the blame and that's not right.