To hate this current trend that girls should be raised to be fierce and fiery but boys shouldn't??

[Voodoohoodoyoudo]

Now I'm not saying one gender is better than the other. But as a mother of sons I feel worried for their future because it seems this notion is currently being pushed that girls can get away with being drama queens but boys need to keep their feelings to themselves and pander to them or they might grow up to be abusive men? What happened to equal rights? I don't condone violence of any sort but this is totally unfair that boys shouldn't be able to do what girls do in terms of sticking up for themselves.

The ‘kitchen sink’ approach to feminism benefits no one.

My boy was kicked by a 6 year old girl is met with how he will be privileged throughout his life so maybe he should just take a kicking now (no one has used those words but it has been pretty much implied).

Contextual offers for girls are justified due to ‘toxic masculinity’ and the fact that later in life women may be disadvantaged with respect to equal pay.

As I said earlier, this approach doesn’t serve boys or girls well. The Year 10s came out of their separate consent talks (girls about self respect and self esteem, boys about understanding consent) totally polarised when it was addressed later on. The girls hadn’t really changed their views on anything or learned much new (consent is a hot topic and they cover it every year since primary (at different levels). They basically said it was boring. The boys on the other hand were affronted and upset. They didn’t really do ‘class analysis’ (Year 10s don’t really) and felt they were being personally accused of being ‘rapey’ and they felt it was hypocritical that the girls were given a ‘go girl’ attitude when they objectivised boys (it happens much more than some people think) and that they were accused of being potential rapists for similar comments.

Ultimately it is far more effective to give boys and girl an equal and fair message even if, by class analysis, it applies more often to the boys. Children (and most people) have an acute sense of fairness and injustice and look upon it from an individual perspective.

@Newbutoldfather but the statistics are that a significant amount of boys/men are a bit 'rapey' and don't understand enthusiastic consent. I do think girls should be taught about consent and how to hold their boundaries too - perhaps the method in how they teach it should change but not the content because every single woman I know has had her boundaries crossed by men sexually and it seems young boys/men are not learning.

I get what your saying OP to an extent but the difficulty is that boys, and boy mums are having, is that us girl mums ( mum of 3 girls) are sick to the back teeth of boys and their behavior.

Honestly i was naive to most of it until my girls started primary school and i can tell you the behavior of the boys in general is absolutely fucking outrageous but let me tell you whats worse 10 x over.......boy mums.

I have been truly shocked at the lengths they will go to ignore or make excuses for things that have happened within our school and one example would be when a boy whipped up around 20 other boys to chase my daughter into the girls toilet and kick in the door trying to get to her, the reason for this was the teacher put up their "first day of school" pictures and my child said he looked cute. According to the boys mum this embarrassed him and his reaction was acceptable. This is just one of the many stories i have.

And of course there are exceptions to the rules, girls can be shitty, boys can be delightful but in my opinion this "movement" is a direct consequence of boys/men and their behavior.

You escalate to the HT.
You go in and say after several attempts to get the class teacher to do something I've told my son that if he keeps getting kicked and the adults who are supposed to protect him, do nothing, then he can protect himself . It's amazing what HTs can sort when they are aware.
My DNiece was repeatedly pushed /kicked by a boy in her class, had bruises. DSis went in 3 or 4 times and in the end BiL told her to push him back. She did, told the HT her dad said to so he was called in as they 'couldn't condone that behaviour'. When he explained what has been going on HT was shocked and it was sorted from that point on.

@MotherofChaosandDestruction ,

But surely you see that ‘feisty’ girls can be a bit ‘rapey’ too. No, it probably doesn’t represent the same threat but girls shouting about boys ‘bulges’, normally to the shy and embarrassable boys isn’t great either.

As I said above, the important thing is to actually get a message about consent across that everyone can embrace. Not separating the sexes for this will bring understanding and not create resentment.

I sometimes think the purpose of education isn’t really thought about with all the ideas about class analysis. We are trying to create a more tolerant and happy society. There have been loads of articles (evidence based ) about older teens and young adults not bothering with sex at all, the ‘chaste generation’. That isn’t a good outcome for anyone.

Also, again, to return to the OP about younger children, the amount of posters justifying being nicer to girls when they are violent just isn’t acceptable. Neither sex should be allowed to be violent. Period.

And of course there are exceptions to the rules, girls can be shitty, boys can be delightful but in my opinion this "movement" is a direct consequence of boys/men and their behavior
Having had one of each now young adults, what I've seen is equal poor behaviour on both sides.

Yes, poor behaviour from boys tend to be more physical but my goodness can girls be nasty towards boy in a very covert way.

Surely it's more than time to stop the boys Vs girls and start commenting on individual behaviour instead?

Let's encourage our children of both sexes to value individuals as a whole on the basis that everyone should be equals?

No one is saying not to listen to boys or empathise with them.

At no point did I ask you to trawl through the thread.

But surely you see that ‘feisty’ girls can be a bit ‘rapey’ too. No, it probably doesn’t represent the same threat

@Newbutoldfather it probably doesn’t represent the same threat?! Probably??

Girls can’t rape. If you haven’t understood that, there’s a problem.

In our school, boys and girls in the sixth form had a talk together about consent- no segregation. But the boys still came out of there whinging about ‘boy-bashing’. I guess they didn’t like the factual statistics about who normally overrides consent (clue: it’s not girls).

Oh. Girls can be rapey now. Good to know.

This absolutely.

OP - how's it going getting a meeting with the Head?

Oh. Girls can be rapey now. Good to know.
Is this the only thing people really worry about? The other day I was telling my son the crap the quieter girls got from the popular girls in my school (class) and he was absolutely shocked. I am sorry for the people who only have experience of boys or men being dickheads. There’s definitely an equal spread of both (but that means there’s also as many nice of both too x)

edited to add: op, the boys here have always been told no matter what you can’t hit a girl. You just can’t

I am sorry for the people who only have experience of boys or men being dickheads. There’s definitely an equal spread of both (but that means there’s also as many nice of both too x)

The trouble is, it’s not really about girls or boys being dickheads, it’s about deeply ingrained societal expectations that shape how the two sexes behave. It’s no good pretending everything is the same because it’s not!

You only have to spend half an hour in the average classroom to pick up on the ingrained differences. It quickly becomes clear that a) as a group, the boys expect to be heard and b) as a group, the boys care less about following all the rules.

This behaviour is absolutely ingrained because we lived in a society in which women were essentially objects to be bought and sold for many centuries. I mean, I don’t really think anyone needs this basic history explained to them, but then you get an OP who apparently has no idea about any of the history of sexism.

It would be odd if we weren’t still feeling the effects of millennia of female subjugation. But the knock-on effect is, obviously, that boys and girls operate differently. And it’s usually to the detriment of girls.

No one has answered my question yet, why am I labeled a misogynist for using certain words, but when those same terms are applied to the males no questions are asked? So you now can't say a woman can be a psyco but a man can be a bit 'rapey'? Correct me if I am wrong please!

Yes, curious about this.

As for the little girl, apparently it's not just my child she bullies a few others in the class as well. She is very confident and always gets the lead parts in any dancing, speaking etc. Which is great but all they keep saying is we're looking into it. Her mum is very active in the school and I'm almost certain she is the teachers favorite although I have no proof of this it just feels like because her mum is really in with them it must be a case of not what you know, it's who you know 😔

Or the child struggles massively at school and the mum is trying to give as much support as she can?

Or this whole post is made up by an MRA who hopes to attract other MRAs who think girls commit rape and female violence is on a par with male violence. Plus a few "Not my Nigels" added for good measure.

Highly unlikely. She is very talented I'm not sure about academically. All I see is a child, who is going to be encouraged to bully her way to the top.

@Voodoohoodoyoudo I'll try. There are words which are used specifically to minimise and devalue women's emotions and feelings. A woman who is legitimately angry about something she feels strongly about is often described as hysterical, or a drama queen or told to "calm down, dear". It means she is not being taken seriously. The classic "psycho ex girlfriend" is a classic of this genre. A man will use it to shrug off anything he may have contributed to the situation. I don't think there are equivalent terms for men. I am personally not particualarly keen on "rapey"-I prefer to keep the term rape for actual rape. But it is true that men often talk about women in worryingly violent/sexual ways and it is a good descriptor of that sort of behaviour.
Women are, of course, capable of sexual assault, and using unwanted sexual language towards men. That's not acceptable either. The abusive terms you cited are not particularly sex-specific. Apart, perhaps, from wanker, which in my experience is usually used in a jocular, friendly way often between men. HTH.

it can hardly be a surprise to you that you aren’t going to be privy to other students personal information? You won’t hear about their consequences or possible triggers because it’s none of your business. Your business is what happens to your child and what the consequences are. Boys that kick or otherwise assault other pupils or staff will have that on their records. What you do about that is up to you.

@BernardBlacksBreakfastWine ,

It is a scary thought that you take that sexist attitude into a classroom!

I have taught in many classrooms and my experience doesn’t mirror yours. Yes, on the whole boys like to be heard and and are more ‘disobedient’, but there are plenty of exceptions. And a lot of the ‘naughty’ boys are really struggling when you scrape beneath the surface.

In addition, girls tend to have more excuses and are well aware that they are more likely to get away with minor infractions (missing homework, not obeying dress code). In the most recent school I taught in detentions were about 3:1 in favour of boys.

Pupils need to be treated fairly, as individuals, not labelled as part of an oppressive class.

The boys of today just shouldn’t be paying for their grandparent’s misogyny.

My ds was in a school like that, 2 teachers actually had their kids there, one teacher had his own dd in his class. It caused so many issues! Then there were the parents who buddied up to the teachers, friends with them on FB etc.. it was all about networking. We took ds out in the end.

Because often those words are used to put women and girls back the box for doing what the boys do but "boys will be boys".

An interesting thing about the word rapey ... it's often now used by females to discuss and label words and actions of a man who does or says things that get our spidey senses tingling. A warning to others if you will.