Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

He should speak to the business team of his bank they can do lending without the previous year books against the business if he has contracts set up already they can review this.

A lot of start up businesses get financial support - doesn't mean it's a 'personal bank loan' which is entirely different.

So he had an entire year of no income and now its taken him by surprise that he cant pay his bills?

He is going to find running his own business extremely difficult if he cannot anticipate future cash flow and future problems like this. Very difficult indeed.

Yes I have been really good to him and helped him out in as many ways as I possibly can to make his life better and easier so he could focus on the business. I’ve also helped with food and small things financially to help him out.
Like I said before, we haven’t really been out or done much together due to lack of funds and he hasn’t really wanted me to pay, so we have just stayed in. He also doesn’t come over much anymore due to petrol costs.

I think he’s struggling mentally with it all. I suppose I am too. It’s such a change from our life before this.

He has been working on the business and expected to get contracts sooner.

His business is already falling short before it's got off the ground. The 'expected' contracts didn't happen until later. Next it'll be the 'expected' payments didn't happen so he can't pay you back.

He needs to get a credit card out and live on that until his money comes in.

Can I ask what his business is?

I’d lend him the money but get it drawn up legally as a personal loan and he has to pay it back by X date….
BUT if he isn’t earning he needs to apply for housing benefit which would atleast cover part of his rent,

"I’m just letting him fail and not supporting him or being there for him in a way a couple should b"

No
Support does not mean handing over your savings for a business you have no stake in

He could lose all your money
Then what?

Support in other ways

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support.

So not only does he have no business sense...he also doesn't care about his kid enough to ensure he can pay child support. What a catch.

You've been a fool for helping him so much so far OP - buying food and giving him 'small financial things.' He's taking you for an absolute ride.

End this now.

I think he’s struggling mentally with it all

Then running a business isnt for him. If he thinks it is stressful now, it will get a million times more stressful in the first year of the business actually trading. Invoices are often paid late, there can be contractual issues, suppliers let you down, meanwhile, you still have to pay wages etc. You have to be rock solid to cope with all of that, and financially literate and be able to anticipate future problems. If he cant do that, his business will fail. Running your own business is not for the faint hearted. Its immensely stressful.

Op...look up two things

1. Sunk cost fallacy
2. Schmuck

Listen to the advice on here and don't.

If you are determined to then only give what you can afford to lose and never see again as that is a potential likely scenario. Draw up a contract with a timeline for a payment plan - though in reality it could be useless especially if the business flops. Do you expect him to honour your loan if the business fails or (more likely) shrug his shoulders and say "oops, no money again, can't repay you!". Whatever, your loan will not be his priority, in fact it will be way down his list of priorities. Remember lenders tend to end up being the 'bad guys'.

What would he do if you weren't together? What would he do if you didn't have any money? He lacks foresight - he should have worked longer saving up especially as he's paying child support (they should come first). It's early days in your relationship - especially to be majorly bailing a partner out.

What ballpark figure is he talking about? How does he know you can afford that?

I do get a feeling that if I were to say no that he would think I’m just letting him fail and not supporting him or being there for him in a way a couple should be.

Yeah...he's not a nice person. He's pressuring you to give him your savings to prove how much you love him. You're not getting it back OP, because he doesn't have it to give and probably never will. He is awful with money.

I really hope you don't have dependent children that rely on you and will need that money in the future.

No no no

No, because he has not shown sufficient responsibility if he has got into this situation of not being able to support himself or DC. It shows lack of sense and judgement.

Why won't he get paid until another 4/5 months?

What sort of business is it, is it likely to run up costs aka debt eg premises, stock, or is it labour only?

Can't he work and save then try again with the business when he has savings to fund his living costs until he starts making a profit?

OP, please don’t give him any money, either directly or by “investing” in the business.

You might think you’re being kind by doing so but you actually aren’t - one or two months later & he’ll have spent that, be in the same situation and will feel bad for losing your money too.

He needs to sort this out for himself. If it is a viable business then he should be able to find some business person/company to invest. The bank etc won’t lend if they think they’ll lose their money.

I would also not encourage him to move in with you either. You have already been more than supportive. It is not your job to “save” him or his business. He’s responsible for his own life.

How on earth has he got to the point where he suddenly needs several thousand right now! Could he really not foresee this?

He doesn't appear to have a good business head.

If you really must/want to help him (though not under duress), then GIVE him the money, it's a one-off gift. Don't lend, lending will cause a world of pain, you won't get it back.

However, your BF is seriously making a hash of this business. He should have been forecasting his cashflow. No cash to pay bills means he's bust. There is no 'business' right now. Who says these contracts will pay once work is complete? Can he not take a certain percentage of the quote as payment upfront? I'd be seriously watchful of how he manages his way out of this mess and what it means for your future and how he manages money, how mature he is.

It's also total rubbish that he can't earn money right now, the gig economy is booming.

Also, higher up the thread, someone suggested owning part of the business as a trade for the money. Don't do this for the love of God. You will become liable for the business debts if you don't set up the company properly. Debtors will come for your assets if anything goes wrong.

Just run.

You've been careful "over the past year"

ie So he's not been working in all that time? That's not good. That's irresponsible. And lazy. What's his excuse for that?

He's not paying his child maintenance.
What is that all about.
That child should be the most important thing in his life. A good parent would be working multiple part time jobs to get the money together. Again not good.

Has he form for this kind of thing, starting businesses and then they fall through? I'm imagining he has.

What are these 'bills'he needs to pay? Credit cards which he's not been paying by any chance as he's been too lazy to earn an income? Not good.

Businesses have start up costs. What is this business? What costs does he need to find money for?

He needs to take in a lodger, get a quick cash in hand job for a couple of weeks, an actual legit part time job, or follow the earn ten pounds a day thread on here.

He's lazy. He's guilting you into doing stuff you shouldn't be doing. It's emotional blackmail.

If you must help him - and I wouldn't- I'd loan him money on the presumption you will never see it again. No more than a grand. Tell him the rest is in an account that needs a long notice period to withdraw so you can't access it. End of.

We need more info to work out just how bad he is. I can't believe he's expected you to live like a hermit and he hasn't done anything to improve things for you or his child as sitting on his arse was more important to him.

NO

This. Clearly this guy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, nor has he got his priorities straight. It’s baffling to me that he’s just been ‘working on the business’ for a whole year rather than staying in paid employment until the business could be financially viable. His planning leaves a lot to be desired.
Absolutely do not invest/buy a portion of this ‘business’.

What's the business?

Crazy.

@Strawberryshortgirl - you know your boyfriend is not a business person. He went about setting up this so called business entirely the wrong way.

This business is going to fail. You know it will.

Don't do it.

Just make sure you draw up a loan agreement if you do it

Also, higher up the thread, someone suggested owning part of the business as a trade for the money. Don't do this for the love of God. You will become liable for the business debts if you don't set up the company properly. Debtors will come for your assets if anything goes wrong

This too! Depending on how the company is set up, if you own part of his business you may be responsible for the debts of the business which means they can come after you personally for payment. Please research this thoroughly before you just jump in and get part of his business. This will end in utter disaster if you dont.