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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I lend him the money???

625 replies

Strawberryshortgirl · 10/05/2024 10:01

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Sparklfairy · 10/05/2024 10:11

He can get a 0% credit card or two surely. You can pay rent with a CC, and most bills. He just has to be organised and pay the bills on time.

Motherfirstbeforeanything · 10/05/2024 10:11

SallySunrise · 10/05/2024 10:10

He needs to claim universal credit as a self employed person until the business starts paying out.

This.

VestibuleVirgin · 10/05/2024 10:12

No, unless you have a proper contract outlining amount, dates for payments of loan, consquences if payments missed, etc
But in reality, no. He can get a business loan and pay appropriate interest

Original poster
Strawberryshortgirl · 10/05/2024 10:12

LuluBlakey1 · 10/05/2024 10:10

How much does he want?
Is he prepared to have a solicitor draw up a loan agreement and repayment schedule?

Why can't his parents/siblings loan him the money?

Show quote history

His family don’t have anything to lend him. I feel I can’t just let him fall apart when I can do something to help.

OP posts:
GardenGnomeDefender · 10/05/2024 10:13

No.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/05/2024 10:13

Didn't he plan for this? Isn't this why most people work on their business whilst they have a job (even a part time one) until they are sure it's financially viable? How likely is it to make money?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/05/2024 10:13

He needs to get a job then, whether it be in the evenings in a supermarket or even overnight in a supermarket.

YOU are not responsible for his child, nor him !

There are all sorts of business start up loans out there, along side credit unions - he needs to start Googling.

Do you realise when the end of Qtr 3 is ? we are only half way thru Qtr 1 !

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/05/2024 10:14

Also can't he move in with family for a bit?

Original poster
Strawberryshortgirl · 10/05/2024 10:14

Comedycook · 10/05/2024 10:11

Why can't he just get a job?

He did say he would but it wouldn’t cover his bills. Neither would benefits.

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 10/05/2024 10:14

Thing is, what he is saying to you is, I can't manage to meet my responsibilities - to my landlord, child etc- and I'd like you to pay them for me and at the end of that period it might have all gone tits up and I won't be able to pay you back.

And I'd bet that if you have split up with him by then he'll walk away from his responsibility to pay you back too

Comedycook · 10/05/2024 10:14

How long has he not worked for? How long has he been setting up this business? It sounds very vague.... should get some money end of Q3. Is the business even operating right now?

rosaleetree · 10/05/2024 10:14

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/05/2024 10:13

Didn't he plan for this? Isn't this why most people work on their business whilst they have a job (even a part time one) until they are sure it's financially viable? How likely is it to make money?

This. I have a business but you dont start it until you know you have the funds to support yourself. This wont end well. He clearly isnt capable of planning or managing his finances. This doesnt bode well for someone starting a business.

Perpetualpotion · 10/05/2024 10:15

It’s alright having a written contract but if he’s utterly skint, what use is that? A written contract can’t magic money out of thin air if he defaults. You should be approaching it like a bank - are you going to get your money back or is there a substantial risk that you won’t. If the bank won’t lend to him, then you shouldn’t.

Cathbrownlow · 10/05/2024 10:15

No.

Womblingmerrily · 10/05/2024 10:15

From your last posts it sounds like you're going to do it anyway, whatever we say.

It sounds like he is terrible with money so it's likely that his business will fail (if it ever gets off the ground) as it's quite an important skill to have in business.

It's likely he will not pay you back.

It's likely he will waltz off into the sunset leaving you with no savings and a faint sense of regret that you did this.

If you're really unlucky he will involve you in his debts.

Is he really worth you spending this much money on him? You are essentially paying for him to be your boyfriend.

Bumblebeeinatree · 10/05/2024 10:15

Jeezitneverends · 10/05/2024 10:05

Only if you do it formally so that it would be recoverable in court

Only recoverable if he has the funds, he would probably go bankrupt if/when the business fails. And it can get very expensive trying.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/05/2024 10:16

Nooooo. It sounds like this was always his plan, you’re a mug.

MitskiMoo · 10/05/2024 10:16

Why aren't you saying how much?

LoveSkaMusic · 10/05/2024 10:17

Most business fail to make a profit in the first 2 years.

No business has won a customer until they've signed on the dotted line so his potential customers are just sales leads at this point.

Even when a customer does sign, getting them to actually pay may be harder and slower than expected, which massively affects the cashflow of a small business.

He obviously hasn't prepared enough to start his business up. If he hasn't saved enough to even live whilst he ramps things up, then its likely he's not fit to run a business at this point in time. It will be a massive learning curve for him and he'll need to mature quickly to avoid failure.

I know this sounds harsh, but it's meant in the kindest possible way. Do not lend him money, even with a loan agreement in place. He will need to get a job working nights or whatever whilst getting his business off the ground.

Either that or sign up a customer or two and have a 50% contract deposit payable up front just to get some cash in the door.

Arraminta · 10/05/2024 10:17

For God's sake no. Absolutely no.

MILTOBE · 10/05/2024 10:17

He needs to park this business idea until he can fund it. If it's a good idea, it can wait.

In the meantime he needs to find work and support himself and his children.

You will not get a penny back. He's planned this business knowing you have some money. When it starts to pay out, he'll still have his business, rent and childcare costs - how can he afford to pay you back?

It sounds as though he's unrealistic about how much he thinks he'll earn and the costs involved. Over 90% of new businesses close within a year, many for that very reason.

Comedycook · 10/05/2024 10:17

If you lend him the money I think you'd have to accept the fact you will probably never get it back

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 10/05/2024 10:17

How much does he want ?

how much does he owe elsewhere?

why doesn’t he have savings of his own?

have you seen these contracts ? How much are they paying?

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 10/05/2024 10:17

We've rarely been asked to lend money as no one we really know lives from hand to mouth. However, as per OP's story, one of our siblings asked over 25 years ago as their buniess went belly up due to financial crash and interest rates soaring withing days - we lent several thousand on the basis we might never see it again but was offered it back within the year. We said make us last on your list for repayment as they'd also borrowed off other family - we got it 18 months later

Only lose what you can afford to lose -fact!! (feel free to say no and you will see what your relationship is based on)

OurChristmasMiracle · 10/05/2024 10:17

He’s already shown he has no financial sense- I get he’s been setting up a business but he has left himself unable to pay vital bills and relying on someone else bailing him out. He will be waiting for payments throughout owning a company so he needs to have budgeted for that and for any unpaid invoices too.