Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

He's not ready to start a business.

A business startup needs to be able to survive without drawing wages. He should have enough money put aside to carry him through for at least a year. The fact that he will be so reliant on that initial money coming in rings alarm bells.

The current 'plan' is asking you to do what he hasn't been prepared to do. Work and put money 'into' the business.

This so called plan will break the business, you and your relationship.

He needs business mentorship and guidance.

I've not read the thread but anything that is "urgent" is normally a scam.

I also suspect he's been playing the long game with this story that does not hold up to scrutiny to get hold of your savings.

As his girlfriend you don't need to provide financial support, especially if you're not living together. Hopefully you haven't shared how much you have in savings. If he has asked directly how much you have saved, that's not a good sign. What happens if he spends your money and there is nothing left?

In terms of setting up a business, there are start up loans etc he may be able to access. Has he sought any financial advice about how to start up a business?

Adults plan how they are going to pay bills and meet their basic needs. Most sensible people keep their full time job until they know their side business is viable and paying them a salary. His failure to plan is not your emergency and that he asked at all is a huge red flag. Absolute no. Good luck.

Of course you shouldn’t. Unless you’re prepared to never see it again.

I wouldn't lend him money. Setting up a business is risky and it takes time to make a profit, more to earn a living. You need to have enough of a cash reserve to cover your living expenses for 18 months - 2 years of rent, food, utilities, child support etc add up quickly.

I haven't read all 24 pages but here's an extreme example of how it can go wrong.
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c2e0662y19yo

A 2 year relationship where you don't live together is not secure enough to risk losing money.

No.

If he is serious about starting a business, his research will have told him that most startups go bust in the first yesr.

Can you guess why his bank won't lend him the money?

I do get a feeling that if I were to say no that he would think I’m just letting him fail and not supporting him or being there for him in a way a couple should be.

Sure, because men like him manipulate women like you very subtly for their advantage. He is also one of life's dreamers, and a taker. He has let this situation happen and it's his kids I feel sorry for.

Don’t do it

Do not do this. You are not married. He can walk off with your money and you will not get it back. Even if you do stay together and he never can pay you back, it introduces a horrible dynamic in the relationship. Lastly, do you want to be a partner of someone who is not responsible with money? Love is important, sure, but not the expense of your financial well being.

Nope! Do not give him any money.

Never lend anything you're not willing to lose

Haven't read the whole thread, and don't need to. A big fat no.

I helped out a boyfriend like that decades ago, when I was very young and naive. He too had grand plans for a successful business. Sent his entire time in "setting it up" and "knew" it was going to work, so would not get a normal job. Later on I learned he'd done this to other people and I was just one of his victims.

So take it from my experience and do not fall for this man's stupid acts. No matter what he says, he would have known there was a risk of this happening and he should have made sure he had enough money for bills etc especially for his children's maintenance! Even if he is not a scammer, he is definitely a chancer who relies on others to bail him out, and is most definitely not good at managing any kind of business. If you give him any money be prepared to write it off.

He needs to get a job!

I work 30 hours a week and set up a business at the beginning of the year. I work on my business on my “day off” and also evenings and weekends.

This is a poor excuse for not working at all when he has no money to pay for his basic needs and his children

He needs to get a job and do the business as a side thing until it is making enough money for him to cut back his job hours, then maybe grow it until it it self-sustaining.

"Lack on planning on your part is not a crisis on my part."

All the things he cannot pay are all things he should have factored in when planning out his business. There is a reason you are his only option now.

He will manipulate you until you give in and the very idea that you'd even consider it indicates that he may not even have to try very hard. Don't do it OP. You will NOT get the money back.
By the time the contracts are fulfilled, and while he's still living off you because now you've set the precedent and you won't want to leave in case it jeopardised your chance to be paid back, he's still going to have to wait for payment and possibly chase up payment etc. It won't be ONE lot of money he needs from you.

You don't NEED a partner and you definitely don't need to buy one. You are not responsible for his mental health and his inability to be responsible. A man with child support to pay and responsibility to his children pulling this shit? Not someone worthy of you 🤷‍♀️

10000% no.

I lent a (now ex) bf thousands of pounds in a very similar situation, they were trying to start a business - I (stupidly) believed in them and handed over my hard earned cash.

I never saw the money again.

Yet another woman so desperate they hand over money for nothing. You are not even married! And this is someone who did not even think of his children when he pretended to be a businessman.

Of course you will loan, never see it again. Probably he will move in - and then leave once he finds another cashed up (stupid) woman.

And you will be on Mumsnet whining.

Rinse and repeat

No, don't lend it to him

My thoughts.

What would he do if you weren't around or did he factor in that you would financially rescue him?

How much of a committed relationship are you in? Have you talked about marriage, living together or any forward thinking?

What we're the circumstances of his precious relationship and child are there any potential red flags ?

On reading just your responses it seems that you have already decided to help him and are just figuring out how best to do it.

Honestly this sounds like the beginning of something you hear about on This Morning , 'How I lost my life savings to my boyfriend.' Do not get into business with him, you will become liable for any accrued debts, most businesses take years to be fully profitable and it sounds like he is already in debt.

For what it's worth , it seems there is a reason you aren't forthcoming about just how much it will take to 'rescue him' because you KNOW it will be an even more resolute NO from replies to this thread. That is alarming in itself.Have you spoken to your friends or family about this ? If so, what has been their advice? If you haven't spoken to them, why not,? ...and if you have, have they said no frigging way ? Because I can't see any further information that would make this something that anyone could condone or encourage.

It's not necessarily that I or any other person in mumsnet get these answers, rather that you need to ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself when you answer them.

He really should have thought about this commitment a bit more before falling behind on child support or his rent.

It's fine to help him out with food but no more.

Then that tells you everything, no no and no, do not lend him the money, how is he going to ever pay you back? You don't even live together fgs!!
By all means give him meals at your house so his food bills are lower but certainly not propping him up with child support they're not your responsibility.
Please please don't do it this will end in tears

New businesses take a long time to break even, let alone profit. Only a very small proportion make it through their first year, so enough cash flow /capital is crucial.

Not to be harsh but your money is for personal debt, not the business. You will not be doing him a favour by giving him the money. He needs to claim benefits and be realistic about his business.

Help him to find advice, business support but do not give him your savings. I would never expect this from my partner.