Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

Absolutely no way. He should have factored all this in when starting up his new business.
He seems to have zero business/financial sense. This would only get worse.

I wouldn't but you could consider inviting him to live with you for free (if you're able to) with the agreement that he starts paying his way in 6 months

It's very hard and I feel sorry for you. But he is going to fail whatever you do. Your only decision is whether or not you fail as well.

Do you really want a partner, with no money skills, and above all else, no sense of personal responsibility for his child? You will not get this money back, regardless of his intentions.

So..... you don't go out, you don't see him much because he doesn't come over much any more, he doesn't work, does not prioritise his responsibilities to his child and his bills and he wants to borrow money from you to pay his bills and live on for the next 6 months?

Do not do this under any circumstances. Run a mile from him.

No, no and thrice times no.
Do not do it.
It sounds like he's in no position to be "setting up a business" due to lack of sound planning - as opposed to fantasising- and lack of finances (his own, rather than yours).
Customers are often slow to pay their bills - and sometimes, don't bother paying them at all, so relying totally on " money coming in" gives him no buffer to continue trading.
He needs to go back to the drawing board to re-think this.

I do hope he didn't ask/ suggest that you lend him the money.

No. What happens in a couple of months when the money's gone and you can't lend him more?

I would give (not lend) him £200 to get him through the next couple of weeks so he can job hunt, sign on for benefits, sort out credit cards etc.

And then I would dump him.

How can you be attracted to someone who can't even manage to prioritise their own child? Who doesn't work? Who has to try to manipulate you to get money to live? It would be the end of the relationship for me.

Any chance he decided to set up a business when he knew you had savings, expecting that he'd have dibs on them?

So instead of takjng a job and covering some of it he's asking you to cover all of it?

If he has signed contracts then there will be finance options available to him. How many banks has he spoken to?

He sounds like he has made a really really poor decision re. his business.

He is living beyond his means and can't pay child support? He needs to get a job.

Pretty much the only person who thinks this is a good idea is the person who decided not to work for an entire year while having a responsibility to support his child (children?). He was overly optimistic, and at the first sign that things would be slower than expected, he should have got a part-time job to slow the drain on his savings. If he's not a hard worker AND he's bad with money, this business has no chance.

Also you’ve said his mental health is already struggling. I promise you it will not get easier or less stressful, at least in the first couple of years. DH set up his own business 10 years ago, when he was 21, and I bought in 6 years ago (so it was firmly up and running by then) and it’s still stressful now. It only really gets more so, once you start employing people and the stakes get ever higher imo.

He wants a pipe dream and you have gone along with it living 'carefully' whilst he has no real commitment to you.

He has children from another relationship.

You would be utterly MAD and STUPID beyond belief to bail him out and give him anything.

How much are you thinking of lending him?

He can't afford to set up a new business then and will have to work till he has enough money to be able to do it and do the contracts he has promised to do on the side.

Running your own business is stressful and risky.

Don't take that stress and risk on yourself.

If you'd been married 20 years...maybe.

You don't even live together. If you give him this money you won't get it back. Not because he's bad or stealing from you, but because he'll have other creditors, and will have to have enough to pay them all back and you'll have no legal standing in this.

If it was my husband and we had a house etc together then yes. A bf of 2 years that I didn't live with? Absolutely no. What if you lent hin the money and then you broke up. It's so risky for you. I'd help him explore other avenues like benefits, a part time job etc but not handing over large sums

No, no, no. 🚩🚩🚩You are not married, not even engaged. It is on him to get a bank loan business start up loan.

No. Don't lend him the money. He's CHOSEN to make himself broke by having no income for the past year. He should have had a plan for how long he could go without income before he'd get a job and continue trying to make the business work around that. If he is not resourceful enough to ensure he can pay for himself and his kids, why do you think he is resourceful enough to build a profitable business? He can get a job and start earning something, there's no way he should be relying on you to bail him out financially. You may never see your savings again.

And also unless his supposed upcoming contracts are worth well over six figures with signed contracts for each one, do NOT do something stupid like "buying part of his business". Apart from anything else, you cannot buy part of a business that doesn't exist yet. If he has had zero clients and zero income so far, what he has is an expensive hobby that is bleeding him dry and you too if you let it. A business isn't a business if it makes no money, and you will not get paid if there is no money.

Please don’t do this Op.
You aren’t even married to him.

Don't take a stake in this business.
Don't marry this man.
Don't lend him money.

He actively made a choice that meant he couldn't pay his child support? Do you think the child's mother had the option to do that? No... she's had no option but to hold things together and keep a roof over her kid's head while her ex pursues his own goals.

No, I wouldn't lend him the money, and nor would I stay with a man who didn't prioritise providing financial support for his child.

OP this is no way to run a business. He has already shown he can't plan and budget well. Don't risk your hard earned cash. He can claim UC until his business takes off and/get a bank business loan.

So you haven’t really done anything as a couple for half of your relationship due to your boyfriend’s poor financial situation… he’s struggling to pay bills, child maintenance and even rent as what he’s banked on hasn’t came in and you’ve supported him in other ways already …what are you gaining from this relationship OP?. Honestly read your posts back and imagine a friend was telling you all of this, as other posters say RUN 🚩

I wouldn't lend a penny or be with a man that puts his own desire, like starting a husiness, over paying child support.

If you do, make sure you get a proper written agreement about how much of the business you own in shares.

I did a quick survey