Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

Out of interest did OP ever come back beyond the first page or so?

Ten posts on the first day. Nothing since. I think she’s a lost cause. Scammer bf won because she was def looking for ways to do it rather than reasons not to. Hope I’m wrong.

Sounds about right to me ...

I do get a feeling that if I were to say no that he would think I’m just letting him fail and not supporting him or being there for him in a way a couple should be.

He knows this. He’s counting on you feeling bad to give him the cash. That’s also why he left it to the last minute even though he knew for months that he was heading into financial difficulties.

His decision to hide that from you is him ‘not supporting you or being there for you in a way a couple should be.’

So he’s inept and deceitful about important things. Definitely don’t lend him any money or move in. Might be worth taking a step back and reviewing the relationship.

As gently as I can be, he doesn’t sound either that knowledgable in the setting up of a business or hes made quite poor decisions (not least with his financial forecasting) so to be honest I would have advised you invest in a share of his business rather than simply gift the money HOWEVER I’m not entirely sure you’d see a return then either (though you’d be more protected). He’s really got himself into a pickle and let it build to this point (surely he saw this coming two/ three months ago with his finances?).

Please take legal advice before you pass any money over, don’t be pressured by the urgency of a situation he’s constructed. This is still a relatively new relationship and you’ve already made great sacrifices for it, should it really be this much of a struggle so soon?

Yes, with trembling fingers she sent the transaction. See ya never, money!

OP will be back, under a different name, with huge sob story 'I woz robbed'.

He, meanwhile, will have moved on to his next gullible "victim".

A share in a business of nothing is still nothing. If the business even exists. She either gives him the money as a gift, because it’s not coming back, or she says No, the latter being the wiser move if only because it will run out, he’ll be in the same position and she will have no savings this time. He will probably take the money and move on to another soft target

She was always going to give him the money. In 6 months she will do another post about he's fleeced her gor ££££ and 'how do I get my money back off him!'
No helping some people

Spot on - but then I often wonder about the backstories where people have allegedly "been robbed"

Being Mumsnet the men will naturally be rotters, but sometimes it's hard not to muse on what the supposed victims have contributed to their own misfortune

100% agree

2year relationship? No, no, no,no,no.

If his work isn't starting for a month why isn't he looking for a temp or casual job for the month to pay his rent and support his child like a grown up

What a weird reply. If a job covered even half his bills its still better than nothing and he'd need to borrow less? Why are you not suggesting that as a compromise at least?

Indeed. Well she can’t say she wasn’t warned and it’s a lesson learned the hard way.

No way.

if he’s been saving for a year and couldn’t even forecast his expenses for his new business planning, then he’s terrible with money.

Small Business Failure RateStarting a small business is not easy, and many entrepreneurs face significant challenges. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, approximately 20% of small businesses fail within their first year. The failure rate increases to 30% by the end of the second year, 50% by the fifth year, and 70% by the tenth year. The most common reasons for small business failure include cash flow problems, lack of demand for the product or service, and insufficient capital.
You would loose your money if it failed. It might mean that you would fall out in these circumstances so that's a split up rate of 30% within 2 years.
You don't have to 'BEEE KIND' you can choose to look after your own self interests, no one else will.
My ex is setting up a business and is on Universal Credit. He has a year to 'prove' the business and can receive benifits, so his £700 a month rent is being paid and he has an extra £200 a month. Your boyfriend could do this and you could feed him and that would be that.
You don't know this bloke very well and he might be a bit of a dreamer, he might not deserve your loyalty.

Lol
What would you advise your daughter to do if she came to you with this question?

If he has no income he has no liability for child maintenance. I would want something in writing but I would consider his loyalty to you if he's willing to pay his ex money she isn't entitled to.

Exactly

Yep sounds like a scam a con man

Yess she's with him 2 years doesn't live with him how does he know her finances he must know she has money

Unfortunately that's it there what you said she will be left with nothing I know a girl this happened to she remortgaged her home to help her fella that she was with for 5 years sad he's gone she's left struggling with the debt silly idea to let someone who u are only with a few years know your money situation

There u have it

Ye I know a girl who remortgaged her home and left to struggle paying for it over the same type of thing

@Strawberryshortgirl - have you decided what you will do?