Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

Of course everyone says no.
That is my reaction too.
I looked into a business, the person supplying the capital you are talking about was to have 50%. Does it makes sense in that sense?

BANK LOAN. Or his family. Under no circumstances should you loan anyone large sums of money UNLESS you are 100% financially secure and wouldn’t miss the savings.

As others have said, it’s too risky. Protect yourself.

OP hasn’t posted for four days.

I swear, threads shouldn't be trending unless OP has posted recently. She said it was almost “too urgent” for lawyers four days ago, so I imagine she’s lent him the money, and with no legal protection at all.

No petrol to visit you ?

Bicycle, bus, ask friend for lift, electric scooter, walk

Zero effort

Loan him zero

OP I’m really sorry to say this but I have seen two people lend their partners thousands of pounds and they both lost their money and the relationship not long after.

One received an inheritance and gave 4k out of 5k to her boyfriend to kickstart his business (van, tools etc), so that, like in your case, he had enough money for food and rent etc. She’s one of my closest friends and we were all flabbergasted she did it. Her parents were beyond disappointed as at this point she was early twenties and whilst it certainly wasn’t a deposit in full, at the time it would have contributed heavily to the Help to Buy scheme and her parents were ready to match it to get her started. He dumped her two months later. She got about £200 back - he would just pop and envelope through her door occasionally with £20 cash in it….

The other was a colleague who’s partner was a carpenter, went for a job where he needed his own tools, pretended he had them and got the job. She then gave him nearly £2k for the tools. She was chatting to us about it at work and when someone said they could never hand over all their savings like that, her response was basically “but if he doesn’t have the tools he’ll never get work” so she saw it as a no-brainier, She was dumped spectacularly 4 months later.

Now I’m not saying this will happen to you or that your BF isn’t a good guy with good intentions but as a couple who aren’t even at the point of living together I would be very cautious and look for ways to get this done legally if you decide to proceed.

I wonder if this man identified her as a soft touch who had savings and then started the business with the expectation that she could be persuaded to lend (give) him the start up money?

Gosh. There are quite a few red flags here.
So, you have a father who has not prioritised his children. He, from what you say is not in paid employment to cover his dream business and asking his girlfriend for money.

The motivation does not sound there and I absolutely would not lend him cash but of course would feed him if he comes over and is hungry.

His family have nothing to lend him you say, how do you know he hasn't exhausted them with his ways 🤔.

Perhaps support him with a UC claim who pay your rent and ctax and give you funds for the first year of a new business and support him to not to bury his head. Also perhaps suggest he goes on the council list and explain he needs to co-parent well and let his children's mum know he is struggling right now but is hoping to get a job while building the business soon.

Plenty of carers needed or nights in stores and seasonal work this time of year.

I will be curious when you pop this money boundary in place and say no cash. How he reacts.
As, if that is a red flag big style too, then I would seriously think about your future with him.

This has disaster written all over it. Your partner needed to plan all of this so much better and factor in all his commitments before ending up with no income. Wouldn't fill me with confidence about his business acumen. Unless you are happy to gamble this large amount of money on his business being successful and you getting your money back eventually I wouldn't do it. There is every prospect of losing your money and your partner. I'd rather just take my chances on the latter.

Maybe you could lend what you could afford to lose, with a proper contract.

But I'd first want to know why family can't/won't help him. And I'd also want to see him get at least a part time job until the business starts paying out.

At the moment you seem to have sacrificed almost as much as he has. But presumably the business is 100% his and you have no stake in it.

Child support is based on earnings

isnt child maintenance based on earnings??

If you're feeling confused by it, and I suspect already have your doubts which i guess is why you're posting, then I definitely would not lend him the money.

If you decide you do want to, please get legal contract stating how and when it will be repaid. If he's genuine I would hope he is agreeable to this to protect you both. If he's not you may lose him, but you will keep your savings.

👆

Do NOT do it. A similar thing happened to me, when an ex insisted on using my credit card to 'help' with money flow in his crap business. He ran up £7k, we ended up splitting up over something different anyway and I never saw a bean of my money again.

NO! He isn't very astute not having properly planned ahead.

Never lend money you cannot afford to lose.

No. It will be difficult to say ‘no’, but you must.

I would usually say don't do it but if you truly trust him and believe in the venture can you loan him the money but in exchange for a % stake in the business? Or have I been watching too much dragons den? 😂

Not a chance! Not your business, not your risk!

Honest, I wouldn't do this. He has no assets so you have mo way of getting your Money back even if you have a written binding legal agreement. He was banking on borrowing Money from you. Could you let him move in instead?

True

It seems like a recipe for disaster. I'd only lend him money that you could afford to lose because what happens if the business fails or the relationship breaks up?

He's been planning to start this business for a while and would know that it wouldn't be profitable immediately. If he's capable of planning for and starting up a successful business then surely he should be capable of factoring in his living expenses while the business takes off.

I think it would be better for him to sort out a way to earn some money of his own.

If he's that skint and running his own business without savings left then he can apply for Universal Credit, so tell him to do that and not leech off you...

If you're not worth petrol money, he ain't that serious about your long term prospects.

I've known guys like this. They are living in cloud cuckoo land. Big ideas with no logistics or budget. If he had any business sense he would have kept a job while getting the business running. As it is he's spent half your relationship fucking around while not working and now the cheeky fucking wanker expects you to bail him out indefinitely? Nah, get rid, he's a leech and not very bright. Sorry, it's not your fault, but cut your losses now.

I think he’s struggling mentally with it all......

Really, he sounds very naive, as do you. If you acquiesce now, he will be draining you of funds for years to keep the business afloat, so buckle in.

If you think this pressure is bad then wait til the pressure reeeaaallly starts.

When customers don't pay on time, when you struggle for cashflow, when funds aren't available to pay for essentials for the business. The first years are often a struggle.

You have to be very resilient to run a business.

So in all this he hasn't been working for at least a year? No way I would loan him the money as is.
I would get somebody to review his business plan and discuss with you the evaluation of overall concept.

He also needs to sign a repayment plan that includes interest or you converting it to a percentage ownership.