Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

This will mean nothing at all.

If he hasn't got the money, he can't repay it.

Even if she takes him to small claims court (assuming the sum is low enough for that), if he hasn't got it, it can't be extracted from him.

He has other outgoings and almost certainly other debt, that will take priority over her as the last lender, and a private lender at that. So even if he had the money, she'd be bottom of the heap for being paid back.

And as he has so far failed to make this business make money, failed to provide himself a safety net to cover the period where it isn't making money, hasn't come up with a solid business plan such that any other lender would lend to him... the chances of OP ever seen her cash again are vanishingly small!

Absolutely no. I would offer to have him move in to completely get rid of his living costs and put him on my car insurance so he wouldn't have to run a car or anything but I would no way in a million years just hand over the money.

If the business goes under you will have lost everything. If he does a flit you will have lost everything and if you break up do you think he'll pay you back? You need to suggest to him that he should take a bank/business loan. Something official that he will HAVE to pay back. Because if you just hand over that money it's gone.

I'm sorry but please don't give him the money and please please do not let him bully you into it (this is a form of financial abuse by the way). If he blows up at you I would seriously consider the relationship because you should be able to say no and not be made to feel guilty. 2 years is no time at all. You're not living together. You have no kids and no commitments. He is not a sure thing. He cannot guarantee this will work and even if you believe what he's saying there are people out there that play the long game for cash (think Nigerian Prince scenario) and we don't know that he's actually that trustworthy.

I hope OP didn't follow the awful advice from the poster who suggested buying shares in the business 🙈 she seemed to jump at that suggestion sadly.

If you're going to do it anyway why bother asking opinions ??
I wouldn't if you split up or the business fails you can kiss that money goodbye the fact he has used every penny and now can't pay bills or rent tells me he's not got very good business sense or money management skills .
How much are we talking here £2000 or £20000 are a big difference and I suppose you just have to make sure youre happy to never see that money again in either case I mentioned above

Your partner does not have a head for business. Do not give him any of your money, please.

Also, please do not invest in his business, associate yourself with this business, he's set it up to fail. Please protect your money. He needs to sort this out himself. You're his GF not his mum.

It depends how serious the relationship is. Are you in it together and are you going to reap the rewards of the business if it’s successful?? Has he used all his savings because he’s just throwing money in and the business isn’t working? I wouldn’t rule out helping but I think there is a lot to consider

Just in case not enough people have already said it: for god's sake do not 'loan' money to this man. You will never see it again. He already can't manage his money to the point where he doesn't have enough to get things off the ground; your money will be assimilated into his debts and he will find a way to make you feel badly for asking for it back.

If you need further evidence: why isn't he able to get money from another source? If he can't get it from the bank as a loan, then it is presumably because they (as outside, impartial observers) can see they have no way of guaranteeing that they will get their money back. And I assume he isn't asking male friends because it's crazy to expect someone to just hand over money. Whereas, with a girlfriend, you can guilt the fuck out of her by playing the 'don't you looove meee' card so that she feels as if it's the only way to prove herself.

You aren't listening to the advice in this thread but I couldn't just pass by without at least trying to convince you!

Well, you won't have to worry about being in that situation with this boyfriend, because he's incapable of managing money and will therefore never be someone you can rely on to help you.

No! It's a bad idea to lend money to anyone, and especially not a boyfriend.

He should not have asked you. It's putting you in an awful position. There are many avenues he can go to to find funding and he needs to find them himself. If he can't get a backer or a grant or a loan, he needs to give it up- and get a job. Please don't be browbeaten or emotionally manipulated into giving him this money. If you do, don't expect to see it again. You won't.

As an aside - he's just a boyfriend you don't live with - why does he know that you have savings? It's none of his business. He needs to take responsibility for his own bills and his own children. Big red flags here, OP.

No.
"Boyfriend" borrowing money you may never see again.
Unless you are prepared to part with it for good.

You haven't said how much he wants, and how much you have saved, which is hugely relevant.

You have £20k and he wants to borrow £1k - yes, I'd do that

You have £5k and he wants to borrow £4k - absolutely not

Dear God, what sort of woman pays a man's child maintenance for him... OP if he can't manage his finances enough to pay for his child to eat and be clothed, you should be running for the hills as fast as you can.

He sounds like he couldn't write bum on a wall let alone manage a business. And I say this as someone who runs one.

Why can’t he show income for the past year? Why couldnt he work part time and work on his business as well? Why would he set up a business with no money?

if you lend him the money, you will never see it again …

No adhoc lending cash. If you give cash get a formal repayment agreement with interest
Dont pay his bills or living costs either without a repayment agreement

I would, and have in the past. I have been let down badly, ended up ruining my credit score while the people I loaned money to disappeared into the sunset never to be seen again. Only lend out what you are prepared to lose. If you are not comfortable losing money then say, sorry no - you may well lose the boyfriend if you don't help him financially, but at least you will still be able to afford to live as a single lady!

OP has left the building!

Do not lend him the money.

If you do give it to him you will probably never see it again as he will always need it to “invest in the business” or “just get past x problem”. If you are happy with the risk go ahead but make sure to get some documentation of how much you lent, when you expect it paid back (in full or in instalments) what your interest rate is (remember that it will cost you money to lend it as you lose out on any interest the savings would have made) etc but most importantly think about how you might recover the money should your relationship break down.

But most importantly, do not lend him the money!

Hahaha, no.

IF you believe in him and the business, loan the money but with a properly documented loan agreement with the ability to turn the loan into a percentage ownership (25% so you have loads of minority shareholder rights) of the business in lieu of payment if he can't pay.

he needs to get To work immediately. He can start Uber deliveroo for the evenings.

is hp with bills with written agreement to pay back. Any other big business expense needs to be assured against the business assets or personal ones.

so interesting how women are always the first people men ask for money.
You should be his last port of call.

Don’t!!!

you never ever just give money or hand over cash.

If (and that’s a big if) you absolutely want to lend him the money, you’ll need to set up a formalised agreement. The amount owed, obligation to pay back, interest rate etc. need to be (formally) agreed upon before you give him any money.

Oh, for goodness sake! A contract's a bit of paper - what if he doesn't pay and has no money and no assets? How will OP get the money then - take him to court and they'll make him pay? How, raid the 5p jar? Well, good luck with that one - newsflash: it costs money to take someone to court and even if OP wins the case....er, he's got no money to repay her, so she's even more out of pocket!

It's painfully obvious the bloke has zero financial know-how, as a bank won't touch him with a bargepole, he's used up all his savings and to him working is what other people do, not him. He's a dreamer (and probably a con artist, too). But probably the money's in his account by now anyway. 🙄

If you say not, how will he react…testing times bring out the very best, but also the worse in people…I wonder if your relationship would survive.
i would not lend him money for business that’s unproven, food, rent maybe for a short time. Just how viable is this business?