Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

[Sugarandmoresugar10]

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

You did nothing wrong OP. Don’t overthink it. What you did was perfectly acceptable. I hate the type of games you’re talking about - that’s not how human connection occurs. Better luck in the future.

Curious as to where you get these 'facts' from. According to mumsnet themselves (information for advertisers), 78% of users are between 26-45 (source: www.mumsnet.com/i/advertising). Given AIBU is the generally the most active topic, I'd be surprised if it was then so heavily occupied by the 22% who fall outside of that age range....

I hate myself for quoting from SATC, but here goes - if a man is ambiguous about what his feelings are towards you, he is just not that into you

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. He hasn't said an absolute no but at least you know where you stand now.

Op, honestly please try to stop overthinking this, it’s not as you are too nice and offered to buy him a drink. Maybe he was also meeting others, maybe like you he wasn’t feeling it. Who knows. It doesn’t matter, not ever one works out..you’ve played it perfect.

By agonising how you come across you are doing yourself an injustice, OP. Never apologise or second guess being upfront and straightforward about what you want – and expect the same in return. If you 'scare someone off' by 'chasing' then that person is an absolute dud and you should be waving goodbye to them enthusiastically. You will only ever put off the wrong people, and that is a good thing.

Observing these outdated dating 'rules' will bring nothing but undeserving people to you. The right person will be thrilled and interested in you no matter what.

Send the text! X

Bloody hell, at least read the ops posts…

Urgh.
If a woman says no, it means no. If a man says no, it means no.

I don't understand all this "chasing" nonsense. I'm in my mid-50s, and it was a thing apparently when I was young. I didn't play the game. If I was interested I was interested, if I wasn't I said no. If someone persisted I reiterated that I'd said no.

I don't play games but I like to see lots of interest from my new dating partner - that I will reciprocate. If we parted and I wanted to see him again I'd have sent a text saying how much fun I'd had and I'd love to see him again. Generally I'd send that the following morning after the date. If he got in first I'd respond enthusiastically and suggest somewhere for a next date.

If I don't want to see him I'd also quickly send a text to that effect to avoid any crossed wires or unnecessary hurt or embarassement.

If I sent a text saying how much I enjoyed the date and would like to see him again before he sent anything I'd expect him to be suggesting the next date.

Listen darling reading your last comments I am starting to think that there are some underlying issues here that need addressing.

It is evident you have low selfsteem and you need to work on it. You can't afford going through these mind games every time you have a date with a man.

It's not playing games. It's not coming across as desperate and needy. I'm not desperate or needy so wouldn't text. I'd leave time to see if he text. OP has already instigated one text, getting a reply but not a suggestion of a further date. The ball is in his court.

No — it's mind games and you don't build a healthy relationships on playing mind games. 'If I text him now will he think I'm desperate?' 'She's not the woman for me if she takes the initiative.' Do this and you'll get a man... Don't do this or you'll put him off...

Just be yourself, with your enthusiasm on show if you feel it, and keep applying until you find a partner who will respond positively to who you are and be a good match. There is absolutely no point in trying to forge a relationship with someone you hope to spend years with if you have to change your behaviour or follow a set of rules from a book.

I wonder if this is why so many women on MN seem to live with/ marry men who treat them really badly and whom the women don't understand and can't communicate clearly with? Did they start by playing the game in order to land a man, only to find out he has no respect, let alone love, for them?

Yup the ball is in his court now. Granted the response sounded a little lukewarm, but maybe he just needs to work out his diary and will contact OP with something more concrete. And if not, OP at least knows she's tried and doesn't have to worry about whether she came across as uninterested on the date. Nothing ventured, nothing gained 😊.

That link doesn't work.

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/advertising works for me - but if not, you can just google 'mumsnet advertising' and it should be the first link.

Thanks, this link works but your first one doesn't, just tried again.

Remember what you said in your opening post:

I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

I don't think you've missed out on the love of your life here.

Well I think it’s often the other way around. They don’t understand what their boyfriends are doing and mistake their game playing for sincerity or mistake the early chasing phase for real love.

Good luck!!

I completely agree!

Some of these replies are quite cringey and definitely sound like advice teenagers would give other teenagers.

I’m hoping these replies are from teens who are on study leave at the moment and not from grown women who think it’s normal or even attractive to play childish games about who texts who first.

I'm sorry... WTF?

are we supposed to quietly wait in our boudoir, staring winsomely out of the window as we wait for gallant gentlemen suitors to pay court?

you need to address your internalised misogyny

have you missed out on the last two decades somehow? were you in a coma?

no always means no
if someone pursues you after you say no, they are creepy stalkers

If it's a no because you asked him then that's good. No time wasted on a sexist old fashioned idiot.

That's not being so nice