Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

[Sugarandmoresugar10]

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

The whole “men have to chase and women wait to be chased” is bullshit, and designed so that men have all the choices, and also never have to feel uncomfortable by saying yes or no. They can choose whether to take it further. Bollocks to that.

You should text him if that’s what you want to do - say “do you want to come and see x film on y date”. That’s what I’d do anyway.

Sorry have seen your update re his “no” but my advice would have been that if you’d asked me. I think it’s fine he said no, but now you move on and don’t think about him any more.

It wouldn’t have been different if you’d waited. You’d just have been waiting endlessly. Now at least you know.

A good man who is into you will not pay any attention to mind games and who asks out who etc.

if a man is put off because you asked him out, then he’s an idiot not worth it.

if a man expects you to play mind games, then he is an idiot not worth it.

this man was simply not that into you. It happens. Now you know so you are not investing energy wondering about it. if he said no because you asked him, then he’s an idiot.

you have been very brave, and it’s his loss!

same!

Nah. If he likes her he’d have sent a text. Sadly that’s how men work 99% of the time.

I'm even older and I'd do it. And I see OP jas!

I would send a text saying “XXXX film is on at YYY cinema , I am thinking of going on Sunday afternoon, do you fancy coming too”

Just seen your update. 🙁never mind, plenty of other fish in the sea…..

It’s a stereotype but for a reason - if he wants to see you again then he will make it happen. You were the last one to text so leave it for a day or two and see if he replies suggesting another date. If he doesn’t, that tells you all you need to know.

What this is, OP, is a crock of misogynistic crap (yes, there's that word again - prevalent innit?) It infantalizes women; indeed, even a child would be less backwards in coming forwards. Women have control of our intellectual and communicative faculties. We're all perfectly capable of asking for what we want.

Direct communication, without playing silly 'chasing' games or dropping PA hints as to what we want (and then being pissed of when we don't get it), simply isn't my style. If I want a thing, I ask for it (once only) and if the answer's 'no' or silence then I move on.

If someone's going to run in the opposite direction from a woman because she's capable of even this basic level of articulation, then it's a certainty they would not be the person for me. IMO, this would be an effective means of sorting the wheat from the chaff. Might as well cut to that part straightaway and save wasting either of our time.

Just send it to him. The way you’ve put it, it doesn’t sound desperate at all. Better to do it than not do it, and always wonder ‘what if’, especially if he’s being a bit cautious about coming across as needy too. He could be ‘the one’!

I posted before reading your update - so sorry :( Plenty more fish in the sea though and try to frame this as in you are just not suited for each other. Your perfect man will be begging you to go on dates with him!

Best outcome because you won't be wasting anymore time wondering. I find it better to know these things upfront.

Send it.
Faint heart never won fair maiden, or similar or equivalent.
Send it.

Sorry. Just seen update! Never mind. But I still think the decision to Send was the right one.

the way i would manage this - if it takes a lot of your brainspace and energy thinking if you need to reach out or not, then get it out of way and send a text.
IF you can live your life without analysing 25 different scenarios based on sending/not sending a text, then I would not reach out.
actually, if it was me I would likely leave at that for 2-3 weeks at least.

It's not 1700

Women can ask. Men or women aren't telepathic.

If everyone waited and dithered bo knew would date.

When you said to him you'd have bought him a drink , you thought it may have come across as being too nice. I'm afraid I think it came across as too eager to please . Please stop analysing and overthinking things , you'll find someone who appreciates you without you trying too hard .

The whole “men have to chase and women wait to be chased” is bullshit, and designed so that men have all the choices, and also never have to feel uncomfortable by saying yes or no. They can choose whether to take it further. Bollocks to that

I don't believe that. Women have the choice to say no, or yes without the need to feel humiliated. Men can not "choose" to take anything further without facing the possibility of feeling humiliated, rejected or silly when they are told no.

I am not passive, but I would rather gauge someone's interest. I might then reciprocate if I am interested, but I have never had any qualms about saying no thanks when I am not.

As for "send a message otherwise you are left wondering" why are you mooching about wondering, haven't women got other interests besides worrying about whether a man will text them. Unless you are committed to someone you are free to go on other dates. And free to do your hobbies, meet friends, do yoga or even work overtime or whatever you would normally be doing.

Whether its old fashioned or not, I would rather let a man chase, and I will reciprocate if that is what I want. Men like independent confident women, and making a man aware that he has to make an effort for you is no bad thing. Equality isn't about two things being the same in every respect, but about two things being equivalent even if they are different.

The OP was wondering because she posted a thread asking what to do.

I'm sure she's capable of multi-tasking and can accomplish more than one thing at the same time.

For future reference, OP, the whole vague "this has been lovely, we should do this again" conversation at the end of a first date means, "we're never going to do this again, k thx byeeee."

This is nonsense. A bloke who likes you won't care one bit if you text jim.

HIM ffs. 🤣

He probs would care if you text Jim instead!

Send it, you have nothing to lose! He replies and is keen or he replies and he's not. Either way, you have your answer. I wouldn't be with my partner if I hadn't text him to crack on and meet me! I don't agree with men should always be making the first move. Good luck!

ha this reminds me of a date I had once following a double date. We got on well, and I said I'd give him a ring on Thursday. I was quite busy that day so didn't get time, I called him on Friday and he had a right mardy strop about it and said he thought my friend and I had decided he wasn't cool enough for us so that was it (what it had to do with my friend I don't know, or why he didn't just call me). Apparently I was supposed to do the chasing in this case, and I didn't stick to the schedule.... So the 'rules' aren't really set in stone.

I would send the text if you like him.