Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

[Sugarandmoresugar10]

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

Sorry

I was going to post to say give it a few days, see if he messages you first.

On the bright side, you now don't have to spend time waiting to see if he messages or when you should message him.

Delete his number and move on!

It's ok, I guess either way the outcome would've been the same right? Even if I didn't text him, he wasn't interested so he wouldn't have texted me anyway, surely? I just sped up the process.

He may well pop back up in a few weeks time if he's feeling bored and he knows you are interested (well, interested enough to ask him out again).

If that happens I would be inclined to say "no thanks, lots on at the moment" or something to that effect, you don't want to set a precedent of being a convenience / ego boost for him when it suits.

Honestly though OP, I wouldn't get tied up in thinking that whether you text first or not is any kind of deciding factor. If he'd been into you but just a little slow to text or shy or whatever, then he would have been delighted at hearing from you and wouldn't have cared that it was you who had texted him first.

He just wasn't into you which is fine in the end really as you weren't even sure you fancied him.

I don't get why you think he's not interested? He might be letting you down gently, but equally he might just be at work with no access to his calendar to work out when he is free. Give him a day or so to reply, and then if you've heard nothing write him off.

If its a no, it was always a no, the only difference is that now younknow where you stand.

Send back a thumbs up emoji and don't message him back unless he is back in the next 24 hours with a clear plan. Otherwise he is either stringing you along hoping for better plans to pan out first or he is not motivated, neither if which are boyfriend material. Onwards and upwards.

book to go to the film yourself. It will send a subconscious message to your brain and self esteem that your life is fine without a man, they are just a nice extra x

I found that it you play it cool you are more desirable to men. If you are too available they lose interest. Strange species men. I'd certainly give him a week or 10 days to give him chance to contact you first.

He was not just that into you after all. That is ok. There is plenty of fish under the sea.

Honestly, I just think that if you both actually like each other, then nobody should be mucking about playing games. If a bloke is 'put off' by you suggesting a date to meet again, then I'd say he's not worth your time. Actual relationships shouldn't be about 'playing the game' - a man who thinks badly of a woman letting him know what she wants is just a misogynistic knob.

I think I came across as too nice sadly.
Like he bought me a drink a couple of weeks ago, and I said thanks, I owe you one- which was meant to be a hint.

Then when we went for our date he'd got there early and already bought himself something and I said 'ahh I would've got you one'

Now looking back I'm like, why was I being so nice?+

I think you're completely overthinking it.

When you meet the right person OP, it will be easy as you'll both naturally want to spend time together. I was bowled over at end of first date with now DH when he wanted to agree when we would meet again. I didn't actually fancy him on the first date, but the fact he was politely persistent about meeting up really helped!

I think you're seriously overthinking this! You weren't even sure if you fancied him! Not the guy for you... Onwards and upwards!

This isn't always the key to a successful relationship long term though.

Why would you have any interest in a partner who plays these games? No wonder so many women end up married to arseholes. I don't want to be desirable: I want a partner who likes me for who I am, not because I pretend to be the kind of woman he likes.

Now you've entered overthinking territory. None of those things would have made a difference. Try to let it go.

I think if a guy really likes you then it doesn’t matter how nice you are, nice is good. Having said that, he might not have remembered your hint so maybe he was a bit why he shouldn’t get his own drink.

Having said that, I did a date a guy who was attracted to ‘high maintenance’ women, but who also deplored that they cost money. He would think more of a woman who didn’t say things like ‘I would have got you a drink’ and just accepted free meals and drinks as her due. But he turned out to be a prick, so it comes back to the point that men like this aren’t worth bothering about.

Yes you did so that’s stopped you wasting unnecessary time. I used to be quite good at asking guys out when I was younger (pretty successfully) but I do remember meeting someone once, we snogged and ‘petted’ (remember that word, I never hear it now) and exchanged numbers. I didn’t hear back after a few days so I (nervously) called him, he wasn’t interested. I was mortified for five minutes then moved on, at least I knew. Occasionally I look back on that and think, prat (him not me😁).

You are overthinking this. Nothing you wrote him/didn't write him would make a difference if he is busy with other things/he just isn't interested enough to make it happen. Just let it be, concentrate on other things and if he comes back to you at some point with suggestion to meet then decide what you do at that point.

Yes. Exactly.

No point fanny around playing stupid "oh, let him do the chasing". Just ask.

You should have been my life coach. 👏🏻👏🏻

That’s absolute crap - that’s also a 15 yr age span! Almost 2 decades 🤣
& yes, you’re ageist- try a bit harder to fix that.

I don't have a lot of experience with dating and new relationships, but with the guy I was seeing before I met the love of my life (been together 11 years now), I was always quite worried about approaching him and suggesting we do things.

When I met my partner, none of that existed. We both clearly had a lot of chemistry and wanted to spend time together as soon as possible after we first met. I was very attracted to him and that felt reciprocated.

I honestly wouldn't bother taking this further, it sounds a bit luke warm. Unless you're happy with a casual thing of course! Not every relationship has to be the big one.

I have thought this for a long time!

If this is real, OP, you seriously need some kind of coaching or a thoughtful friend. You have torn a simple interaction to bits worrying about rules and whether you sent out signals or were too this/that/nice/standoffish.

If you like someone and want to see more of them:ask them out.
If they like you and want to see more of you: they will accept.
If they say no: move on. Its goid information that they are not the right person for you.

This is terrible, I can't remember the timeline in the op but if a date is Saturday for example on Tuesday I would text once 'I hear the film is out next week I will be going if you want to join me let me know' type thing and then leave it

There is a difference in being nice and being a stalker