Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

[Sugarandmoresugar10]

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

Bollocks to all the rules and game playing.

Would everyone be calling a man 'desperate' for initiating a date? No. So why should a woman.

Harassing and mithering and sending repetitive messages is desperate. One message to initiate seeing a film you have already discussed potentially doing, is not desperate.

Go for it OP.

I'd text early next week and ask if wants to see a film at weekend

Another oldie here saying definitely message. However I wouldn't be so detailed, I'd just ask if he was up for seeing x film, then arrange the day and time together if he wants to do it.

I like your musings on the differences between how a behaviour looks if a man does it versus is a woman does it. When i was last dating I just expressed myself clearly. I did once get turned down. It's OK, it doesn't make me a shameful or desperate woman!

You've already messaged first right? So why would you message again? Even if he's not interested he'll probably hope for a shag before the "I'm not ready for a relationship" talk. or you get into a relationship and have to do all the chasing and planning

100% don't message - if he is interested he WILL.

Not this!

I think some posters have missed that a) OP and the guy have been messaging daily for a while and b) since the date she messaged to say she had a good time and he replied!

@Zonder I've been with my man for 2.5 years - he's the dream man and more and he still messages first (and he has an incredibly high powered job and he's busy). I don't want some weak "man" who needs his girlfriend to do all the organising. This guy can ask OP out right? I say no way or even if it continues it will not end well

Her suggesting a film together means he's a weak man? Riiiiight. 🤔

I missed that OP is in the 1950s.

And for context I've been with my man 20 years - I also missed that it's a competition.

Definitely text him. I'm 54 and would without hesitation. Also OP wants him to know she likes him and is slightly concerned that it came across as if she didn't (or that's how I read it).

What do the people saying that the man must do all the running think happens in same sex relationships?

I actually think it's quite the opposite and it's posters with outdated views telling the OP to go for it.

If you haven't been actively involved in the dating scene over the past couple of years, let me tell you it's changed beyond belief from even pre-Covid.

Every time I've been the one to initiate an early date it's never ended well. Some will be happy to go along with it for sex if you're the one making the effort but I don't get the impression that's what the OP is looking for.

If a man wants you, you'll know; if he doesn't
you'll be confused

🤣🤣🤣

This!

That's a load of ageist shite.

Does he know these imaginary rules though?!

I'd text him asking how he is etc then see how it goes and if all is well ask him out in a few days.

@SomeSuspiciousSushi when you say dating scene do you mean apps? I'd agree that 90% of men on apps are after a shag. OP says they met in real life though so I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Plenty of men can chase and still only be after a shag too.

Oh op. All these fixed ideas in your head. Worst case he says no, and I can guarantee it won’t be because you asked.

just text and first ask how he is, something like hey how are you doing, enjoying the weather, working in it is tough 😄x

or whatever, and when he responds, then say fancy seeing this movie?

This stereotype assume every man feels confident enough to reach out and act on their feelings hence if they text they're not interested so you shouldn't. As if no man can ever be shy or anxious or uncertain. If a light would you like to catch a movie text turns him off then he's not a man worth being with. You shouldn't need to play games.

If you want to see him again don’t send a wishy washy ‘be good to see any of the movies we talked about’ text. Just say what you want. A ‘Hi Gary, do you fancy going to see Care Bears 3 at the Odeon on Saturday?’ Will suffice.

It's a very dated attitude that the man has to do all the initiating for the for the first few dates whilst the woman waits to be asked.

You are not acting desperate by sending him a text asking him if he fancies watching a film with you. Go for it!

Text early next week. Be direct. Name the film you’d like to see/imagine you’d both like to see.

Text him later this morning. No harm done.

Do not send anything its beggie and desperate just wait if he don't arrange another date its because he doesn't want one ...dont do it

You get people saying both ways so you should do whatever works best for you.

Bloody hell!

Husband asked me out as I was about to ask him out.

We had sex on the first date & have been married for 30yrs!

If he would say no just because you asked him then imo you'd be better off out of it anyway!

I absolutely would not send a hinting text. It lacks confidence.

I would send a direct saying it was great to see him before and you're going into town tomorrow with friends and after you've finished, does he want to meet you at the cinema at X time to watch the film you talked about. Direct, light, breezy.

Is answer is either yes, no, no but let's plan another time or ghosting.

And FYI, men chasing women after they say no was romanticised 90s/00s crap that encouraged men to disrespect women's boundaries.