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Original poster

Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

463 replies

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:09

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

OP posts:
WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss · 09/05/2024 22:42

Don't do it.
In my experience, if you have to ask then they aren't that interested.
Hiding to nothing.

TokyoSushi · 09/05/2024 22:43

Send the text, but if nothing comes of it, do NOT send any more! Grin

MariaVT65 · 09/05/2024 22:44

It’s late now anyway. So wait until tomorrow.

HawkersEast · 09/05/2024 22:45

Don't play games, if you like him just text him. It's really simple. If he responds and reciprocates great. If he doesn't, at least you know, without having to worry/stress over it.

ACynicalDad · 09/05/2024 22:50

Don't play games. Yes he may work harder or he may take it at face value and never contact you again when you would have liked him to, make it clear one way or the other. I would hope that as consent and stuff becomes a bigger and bigger thing, a decent man would take the hint if you're not interested, so don't tell him you aren't if you are.

LauderSyme · 09/05/2024 22:52

'The chase' makes it sound like men are hunters and women are prey 😕

I don't think it would be desperate to suggest meeting up again. I'd leave it a while longer though, personally.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:55

Alright let's suppose I send it tomorrow, would it be ok for me to say 'one day after Tuesday?' like I think saying 'tomorrow' is very short notice, but saying I'm busy the next few days is better maybe?

OP posts:
Teabelly71 · 09/05/2024 22:58

Just out of interest - did he reply when you texted that you’d had a nice evening? Has he texted you since the date?

re the next date - go for it and ask him. I did with my partner, we’ve been together for nine years now. He would have waited but I think life is too short lol! I liked him, I wanted to see him again. Maybe it’s because I’m older and this is a relationship after a failed 20 year marriage? I just didn’t want to play games and my communication with my partner from the start has been honest and direct. It’s exhausting playing those mind games, and nobody is a mind reader. If he doesn’t want to go, then at least you know where you stand.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:59

Yes he replied and we had a general chat and said we'd meet up again soon.
But I'm a bit paranoid that he thinks I'm not attracted to him, which is partly my motivation for sending this text too.

OP posts:
Zonder · 09/05/2024 23:03

You're really overthinking this and turning it into a game, instead of two people getting to know each other better
Whatever book you're reading giving you this view needs binning.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 23:05

I just feel he won't value me as much because he'll see I like him and hasn't had to work as such for me. I know that sounds grim .

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 09/05/2024 23:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Theredjellybean · 09/05/2024 23:14

If you are worried he is getting "friend" zone vibes from you then send a clear text saying " I'd like to see you again, what about seeing 'insert film' next week together ".

He will pick up , you remembered the films you both talked about...and I think if he is wondering also what the situation maybe..this is a clear date offer

Zonder · 09/05/2024 23:18

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 23:05

I just feel he won't value me as much because he'll see I like him and hasn't had to work as such for me. I know that sounds grim .

Yep, it sounds grim.

Zonder · 09/05/2024 23:19

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Yes he replied and we had a general chat and said we'd meet up again soon.. OP at 22.59pm

WilliamButt · 09/05/2024 23:21

Send the text. If he's put off by you texting him, well, quite frankly that is a bit pathetic. I used to play by "the rules" and it didn't work out too well for me. By the time I met my now husband I was so over it and I texted him every day after the first time we met, and told him what I was feeling and thinking. Luckily he was equally desperate and we are happily married for the most part.

Shelllyfish · 09/05/2024 23:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

StarsBeneathMyFeet · 09/05/2024 23:23

I started dating again a couple of years ago after being out of the game for 15 years! I found the concept of ‘too keen’ was only really when I was texting first all the time. Most blokes liked that I made the effort to message first sometimes.
I wouldn’t send a text this late. I’d text tomorrow afternoon with a ‘how was your day?/hooray it’s Friday night!’ type text and assuming he replies I’d go into ‘You know we mentioned films, x is now showing. Fancy going on Tuesday if you’re free?’. That way you’ve got the date proposed. He may say yes! If he’s says he’s not free Tuesday but offers a different date, he’s interested. If he says he’s not free Tuesday but doesn’t suggest a different date then he’s not interested. A clear suggestion of a date minimises vagueness.

Enough4me · 09/05/2024 23:25

It's easy, just send the text.

If he's keen he'll respond positively. If he doesn't then close that door and...NEXT!

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 23:30

Thank you for all being so encouraging :)

OP posts:
Surprisedbuthappy · 09/05/2024 23:30

I've been with my husband for 10 years now, but when I was single I couldn't be arsed with 'rules' and game playing! I did whatever I wanted. And a lot of the time it was absolutely disastrous! 😂 But when I met my now husband, I wasn't sure if I was getting interested vibes from him or if he liked me more as a friend. So I sent the text that most people on here would tell you not to send! I asked him what he was looking for. And he wasn't scared off or whatever nonsense because it was right. I honestly don't believe you can 'scare off' the right person for you! Anyone who gets easily scared off isn't that into you in the first place, so it's doomed anyway. Better to find that out quickly and move on, in my opinion. Even if it feels embarrassing at the time. (Believe me, I've had my fair share of moments I cringe to think about now.)

Magnastorm · 10/05/2024 00:05

Don't fanny about.

If you want to see him again, just send him a text asking.

Gymnopedie · 10/05/2024 00:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

What a horrible ageist post. You know how old every poster on this thread is do you?

OP this 67 year old says go for it. Life's too short for what-ifs. If he's put off by it it tells you that he likes to be in control and doesn't want to be equal. Run.

If he thinks that it makes you too easy (or desperate) then he'll soon start with disrespect. At that point - run.

Or y'know, he might just be pleased to know you'd like to see him again and it could be the start of something good. You snooze, you lose. Send a cheery light message about seeing a film. And my fingers are crossed for you.

SherrieElmer · 10/05/2024 01:38

Send the text but do know that if he has not been in touch yet he is probably not that into you. Many men will say "yeah yeah let's meet up again" and so on because they don't have the balls to admit they are not interested. They can't handle uncomfortable situations.
But not all of them are like that, so do send the text just in case.

Ilovelurchers · 10/05/2024 01:43

Do you want to be in a relationship with a man who is so absurd that he would want to go out with you but be put off by you asking?

Surely not.

Therefore ask him. It's a great screening process, because if it puts him off he's a disgusting irrational chauvinist.