Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

[Sugarandmoresugar10]

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

You did nothing wrong. He's just not the right one. The right person will be really happy to hear from you. Way too much angst early on for this to be a goer.

I would send a text saying I’m thinking of going to see this film this date want to join me?

@Sugarandmoresugar10 you did absolutely nothing wrong so please don't berate yourself! Also, don't let this put you off future opportunities as it's 2024 despite horrid opinions from people like @OldPerson who seems to be living in the dark ages and I don't believe that even in the olden days people had such awful views...

My instinct is your date might have thought you weren't particularly interested in him as you said 'you had things to do' so cut the date short to 2 hours for drinks and food. Maybe he thinks you're now trying to be kind by 'offering' to go to the cinema with him and he's too proud to say yes? A lot of men are prone to over thinking these days just like us! He's probably planning on waiting a while before he contacts you and then it's entirely up to you what you want to do next but don't let him play mind games...

Don’t listen to the relationship experts on here, they’re all clearly in happy relationships with no problems ever. I didn’t think what you did was wrong - sometimes people are just not interested 🤷🏻‍♀️ don’t let it bring you down at all! Off onto the next one

Exactly.
And it prevents all that overthinking and wondering and headspace being taken up by some man who isn't interested. If you ask and they are interested they'll agree to meet up and if they aren't interested and say no, then you know, and that's the end of it. Which is what has happened in this case.

One thing I regret is how much time I have wasted daydreaming about men who weren't interested in me, interpreting each little sign or message etc. If I'd just asked I would have wasted a hell of a lot less time.

Sorry I don’t think this is true. Men are a lot more simple than us on the whole. If they like you they will let you know.

Men are not prone to overthinking like women are. He will not have been agonising over whether to send a text or not. He won’t be reading anything in to it.

Sorry to hear it didn’t work out. If you are in this situation again, you could send the guy something linked to one of the films or things you looked at doing - a review perhaps - and a message saying something like ‘This looks like it’s worth watching!’ Then it opens the door without suggesting a date outright.

I found it always very sad, that woman avoid a date nowadays, because the fear the man would want to like more.

I give it into the hands of the universe where thing are going. If you didn't feel attracted to him but you felt chemistry. How do you meant it? Would it be an idea just to give it a bit more time?

If I would be him and you would not feel attracted to me, I believe I would feel in return not very much attracted to you either, but I can be wrong.

I would probably keep trying gently anyway, but not expecting to become anything serious.

Bit by bit I would try to place you on my friends list; that in case we both realise this is just not really what we want, we can be each others wing mates, to help each other to meet more people.

I just found it very sad, that most girls don't answer their phone anymore at all, just because they realise they don't feel any chemistry.

However I am not a woman and I am not other man. I am looking for answers myself in that respect.

If you believe it or not but one time I needed six weeks to call and text her. In the meantime I was daydreaming how it will be like to be with her.

If you feel like calling or texting just do it.! You never know what is really sure what is going on in the other persons head.

Your last sentence made me laugh a lot haha! Completely agree. Life’s too short, I’d advise the OP to go and have fun and when the time’s right, the right guy will come along!

Surely that's the wrong takeaway from this. Now you've done it once, it will be easier next time. Just send the text and then you know either way and you're not left stewing on it for ages. I really can't be doing with all these mind games and don't understand why anyone past teenage years is still subscribing to this idea of women being passive creatures who must wait for a man to chase them.

What @ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine says in spades. Just because he wasn't interested doesn't mean it was the wrong thing to do. He was just the wrong guy.

This

That's just silly.

There are loads of men out there to talk to and date. Stop fixating on one that you didn't even fancy much.

Nothing bad happened. You had a date, it went okay, he doesn't want another one. That is NOT a bad outcome. You know what would be bad? If he thought, oh hey she's into me, let me use her for sex before I dump her. Or if he pretended to be into you, only to string you along until he found someone he liked more. Or if he kept dating you and you were constantly feeling unsure of how he really felt.

It's done now. Let it go. Don't start feeling sorry for yourself - he's really not worth it.

To be fair, "see all" isn't available in the Android app.

It's not an excuse though for not quickly scrolling through and stopping on the OPs posts (which are in a other colour) or checking the date, seeing it's several days old and figuring that probably their wisdom of "just send the text" is not desperately needed or in fact unique by now...

Something might have changed in his life that isn’t a reflection on you.

i had a date organised once with a new to me man, but between agreeing to it, and the actual day, my x turned up and I stupidly agreed to see him again, thus cancelled the date.

fast forward a couple of months and I was back on my own again. Unknowingly I past date man on a club stairwell and he called out was I such and such which I acknowledged. I was saddened to see the look on his face as I had clearly upset him and there wasn’t the opportunity to explain why as he walked off…

Please don’t think like that, dating can be really hard and make you second guess yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong, he just hasn’t been that proactive for whatever reason but it’s nothing to do with how you handled things or what you did or didn’t text him.
Try not to dwell on it, someone better will appreciate you soon 😊

Send the text. There is lots of online advice on how to develop a good text rapport and what to watch out for, signals/red flags. I recently had a first date after meeting someone at a mutual event. Short date, nice convo, I thought we had fun, he seemed interested in getting together again. No response to my text the next day letting him know I found my phone. No response the followin day either so I thought he ghosted me. So I send the cringiest, most out of character text letting him know just how interested I really was. (Ugh, I wasn't even drunk! lol) Turns out it went to a shared work phone to top it all off. So he gives me his real number and we continue texting for a few days and arrange for another get together for coffee and a walk. During the course of our several days of flirty, "getting to know you" banter I saw a couple of red flags and he finally admits he's married and just looking for a very casual hook up on the side. I wasn't ok with being part of cheating on his wife so ended it at that point before our next "date". Moral of the story - sometimes players have an easier time admitting the truth over text and you can dodge a bullet if needed. In more legit relationships, playful text back and forth is a great way to get to know each other and build a little interest before the next date. Either way a win! There is some great info online on how to establish great texting rapport. Go for it. Bottom line is any guy who can't handle receiving a text from you isn't really worth pursuing. Be adult, start the convo and see where it leads. Have fun! And don't be afraid to question red flags if they come up.

Re 'women texting men is a terrible idea' Look, there's nowt spoiling. The point is, generally if a man is interested he will be in touch making that known. Who asks whom for the next date isn't that important in that case. This is about if you're left waiting

If he doesn't message, and you want to know where you stand it will save you uncertainty to just send a message. Then he can confirm yes, I would love to see you. A message went amiss or something (not that likely but not unheard of)/no thanks/ hmm whatever I'm busy, maybe at some point blah. This is tantamount to a no. But you have clarified matters and moved on.

Why shoulder the emotional uncertainty of waiting around to for someone to decide if they want to message you just because you're female when you could just clear it up either way? Obviously try not to invest too early but that doesn't mean wait around forever if someone isn't following up.

Someone keen would absolutely not be put off by a text suggesting a date. 50 texts consecutively, maybe, but not this. If you text and feel you shouldn't have, or get a non committal answer then the person was not for you.

Of course there's a bit of a dance in early dating, you don't want to overstep but it isn't as silly and reductive as 'women must wait to be asked'.

I think it's because I initiated the coffee too, though that literally could've just been two friends meeting, it didn't necessarily have to be romantic.
He initiated asking for my number.
I gave him days I was free for the drink, he suggested one .
I texted after the first meeting.
I came across desperate, and ruined it...
Sadly I do think there's some truth in it all, I did make it easy for him and make it clear I wanted a date.
There was zero challenge and I think that put him off. It's rubbish but at least I know.

Don't give up, OP!

I had a spreadsheet when I was dating at one point. I started keeping stats of which ones I liked but didn't like me and vice versa. It was about 50/50!

So many horror stories. It only takes one good one who likes you back in the end!

You're right. I'm just convinced if I hadn't made it easy he might've been interested :(

Well he's lost out- move on! No time to waste with time wasters. 😊

@Sugarandmoresugar10 things didn't work out because you texted him, they didn't work out because there wasn't chemistry on the date so no point repeating the experience as you already knew each other.
Or it may have been because your first response was lukewarm friend zoney.

If you were genuinely meant for each other the sparks would have flown over dinner and drinks - given that you know each other already.
If something is meant to work, it will unless you get his and hers t-shirts made up for the second date. You will know because it will feel easy and natural.

No it doesn't .just text and call if he doesn't answer the text. I am a man and I don't like to chase. I believe this chase sorry is prejudice.