To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

[Vlop]

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

I agree, it all sounds a bit dramatic 😬

You sound like a drama princess, you had a minor cold, rejected the medication he went out to get you and expected him to be a mind reader that you wanted food bringing back when you said you didn’t want anything and didn’t ask for anything.

An adult should know that lemsip is just paracetamol, I can imagine if it’d been own brand that might’ve been rejected too?

If I was him I’d be irritated by you.

@Anameisaname

I totally agree. I have an aunt and uncle who are both like the OP and it is actually quite charming. Any time they get a cold, it's Fuss Central at their house. There are multiple trips to the pharmacy, Special Tea, hot water bottles, we all hear about how SICK they are. If one gets a temperature, they issue a press release.

They both seem to relish it and part of their relationship is about fussing over each other when they're ill.

DH and I are.. not like that. I had a rotten cold last week, I WFH an extra day, bought my own meds, went to bed a bit earlier than usual. I asked DH to take over with the kids one day so I could nap. I don't think he texted me for updates. It's really cool with me. If one of us is properly ill, it would be different. We just have a different relationship to my aunt and uncle.

Sounds like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. Don't you carry basic paracetamol and ibuprofen with you when you travel?

This is why I have always packed a medicine kit. It's rubbish being ill abroad.

You got "very sick" two days ago. Very sick - your words - not just slight symptoms. The only thing that works for you is a flu relief drink, but you'd managed without for two whole days of being "very sick", yet suddenly urgently needed one at 10.45 at night, necessitating him to go out and get you one right then and there and not come home until he'd found one, despite having work the next day?

Did you expect him to forgo his dinner that night just because you didn't want any?

I'm on Team You're The Red Flag Here.

That's what my family is like and DH is the exact opposite, exacerbated I think by being the youngest DC.

Also when ill I take to my bed, whereas he insists on soldiering on grumbling away when I'd rather he just took the time he needed to be unwell.

If I were a friend of the OP on holiday, I'd have lost patience at the point she refused to take the tablet which had been touched. Get dressed and drive to get some lemsip - not a chance.

This. This is the answer you want. It’s a huge red flag he was like this.

Ignore people calling you a princess etc. Please. You absolutely are not. You deserve someone who will look after you a little when you’re ill.

Id drive 5 minutes away for my partner if they were suffering...its 10 minute trip fcol.. he wanted to do the least amount possible. Walking is 30 mins..why say that if he drives? To make it look like a bigger thing than it is thats why. Then for him to go out to eat alone and not ask about how u were going to eat is selfish. He did bare minimum so he wasnt bollocked, he could have done more...ten minutes more geez

You have a cold
That's it
Yes I am sure you feel rotten but that's life. Once you have kids you will have 3 or 4 a year minimum and have to keep going.

You have a cold.....you could have driven to the pharmacy yourself but instead you kept him awake demanding he lookafter you like you were a child.

It's ridiculous to say that a hot flu drink is the only thing that works....absolute nonsense l.
Tablets and a cup of tea would work equally well.

My DH is pretty good at looking after me but I would not send him round a hotel looking fir medication at 11 o clock at night....I mean was the pharmacy even open??

On various holidays we have had sprained knees, gout, toothache, vomiting bugs and what was probably covid. In ever case we have managed to wait to at least the next day to get some medication and the sick person looked after themselves whilst the other took on parenting for both of us.

Yabu. He went out. Couldn't get you what you wanted. You had a cold, that's all.

Not being given your favourite treats is a red flag? Lol

The guy went to get her Lemsip. It’s not his fault the store didn’t have any.

Delusional yet you made tea and that made you feel a bit better?

You should go NC and block him on all social media. Men are such vile creatures.

Nobody would drive an hour 😞 nba strange country in the hope they could buy lemsip which is just soluble paracetamol and vit c it wasn't life saving antibiotics

Christ, imagine if this were a male v female reversal.

When you say you couldn't breathe. ... Do you just mean you had a stuffy nose?
Because lemsip wasn't going to be the solution if you actually couldn't breathe!

I think it someone is lemsip ill then it's a bit much to expect a partner to run round at night hunting for it. If they are properly ill then they need to go to the hospital.

With the food, you said you didn't want to eat so how was he meant to know you actually did want to eat?

However, it does sound like you might be incompatible as it sounds like you need a partner who will be more keen to play nurse and is also telepathic

He doesn’t sound caring at all.
But honestly, when I read the whole, “only the hot drink, tablets don’t work for me” my expression was 🤨🙄
Yeah - you’re magically immune to paracetamol unless it’s masquerading as a cup of tea?
That would make me think you were over egging being sick.

“Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and”

I could have sworn you said you were 30 🧐

He doesn’t sound caring at all.

I don't know - he went out to the shops for her and then went down to reception afterwards too. I think he sounds normal to me!

I think your first sentence about how you haven’t been ill for 18 months and he hasn’t even commented about how good this is is very weird and telling.

It's the exact opposite. He DID comment on how good that is.

That's not what happened

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take a packet of cold powders on holiday with you anyway? I always have some in my luggage. As they’ve got paracetamol in they are good for general aches and pains too.

However, your BF doesn’t sound very nice.

Agree with all the other pp about you sounding like hard work.

It's a cold, and you managed to get to sleep.