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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

584 replies

Vlop · 09/05/2024 05:49

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
Italianita · 11/05/2024 16:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

mandlerparr · 11/05/2024 16:10

My only take away from many of the comments on here is that you either treat your partners like shit or don't expect much for yourself from your partners. Going to a few places to get the steamy drink your partner, who is rarely sick, wants is not very much to ask. You can't, once every 18 months, get up at 11pm and go to 2-3 stores to find that one thing that will make them feel better? Really? You don't think your partner should care enough about you to do it? Really?
You all are acting like she was asking him to go out at 3am in a war torn country with missiles flying overhead. It is just them, no other responsibilities, no kids to worry about, not even a pet in an english speaking country. She asked for a certain thing. He brought her everything but and made up excuses later to cover it up. Is this what you all do to your partners? Is this the level of care you expect from your partners?
Shit, strangers have shown more care for others than this.

Ilovecleaning · 11/05/2024 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thank you Italianita. 🌺

beanii · 11/05/2024 16:32

Paracetamol in lemsip works just the same as paracetamol tablets - they may just take a few more minutes to work.

You sound like hard work.

He's not on holiday, he's working.

Time for you to grow up.

Mothership4two · 11/05/2024 16:48

Then your take is completely wrong @mandlerparr and several posters who disagree with OP have already explained that on here.

You've made 2+2=5 out of OP's posts and now you are doing it to posters who you happen to disagree with

Mothership4two · 11/05/2024 16:56

mandlerparr · 11/05/2024 15:44

All the people on here saying that putting a glass on a table instead of handing it straight to the person isn't rude are the same people that lose their minds when the cashier puts the receipt in the bag instead of handing it to them. They only understand rudeness when it is done to them.

I don't think a cashier putting a receipt in the bag or someone buying me a drink and placing it on a table in front of me is remotely rude quite the opposite. If you think that's rude you must be a pretty intolerant person in my book - and probably lose your mind over a lot of silly little things.

AngryBird6122 · 11/05/2024 17:07

Calliecarpa · 09/05/2024 16:24

If it was the other way round, if the OP was on a business trip and her boyfriend accompanied her and moaned because she hadn't gone out late at night in a foreign country to get him some lemsip because he had a cold, would you be 'shocked' if people told the boyfriend he was being a bit precious? Would that make her 'a shit wife'?

Show quote history

@Calliecarpa …. 😐it would be exactly the same the other way round. If my husband felt shit yes I would go out of my way to get him something to feel better.

mandlerparr · 11/05/2024 17:24

Mothership4two · 11/05/2024 16:56

I don't think a cashier putting a receipt in the bag or someone buying me a drink and placing it on a table in front of me is remotely rude quite the opposite. If you think that's rude you must be a pretty intolerant person in my book - and probably lose your mind over a lot of silly little things.

Show quote history

. I never said it was rude to put it in the bag. I said that it is the type of people who say shit like that is rude who never actually recognize actually rude things and only when it is done to them. But, let me make it easier for you to understand. The same people saying that putting the glass down instead of handing it to her is not rude are the same people that will lose their fucking minds if someone puts the glass down instead of handing it to them.

tuvamoodyson · 11/05/2024 18:42

Ilovecleaning · 11/05/2024 10:42

I don’t know about ‘infantilising’ (there’s a lovely MN word). Maybe if a man got me drink then held it to my lips while I drank it…
🤣

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…from a Tommee Tippee

Ilovecleaning · 11/05/2024 18:50

tuvamoodyson · 11/05/2024 18:42

…from a Tommee Tippee

Show quote history

🤣. Love it

StringTheory1 · 11/05/2024 18:57

gingersnapdrop · 10/05/2024 23:27

This will only get worse, and as you have children and grow older, you will have ER visits, hospitalizations, diseases, and injuries in the family, and need his support. This is just life. These people don’t change. Get out while you can. Find someone who loves you.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! 🤣

StringTheory1 · 11/05/2024 18:58

mandlerparr · 11/05/2024 16:10

My only take away from many of the comments on here is that you either treat your partners like shit or don't expect much for yourself from your partners. Going to a few places to get the steamy drink your partner, who is rarely sick, wants is not very much to ask. You can't, once every 18 months, get up at 11pm and go to 2-3 stores to find that one thing that will make them feel better? Really? You don't think your partner should care enough about you to do it? Really?
You all are acting like she was asking him to go out at 3am in a war torn country with missiles flying overhead. It is just them, no other responsibilities, no kids to worry about, not even a pet in an english speaking country. She asked for a certain thing. He brought her everything but and made up excuses later to cover it up. Is this what you all do to your partners? Is this the level of care you expect from your partners?
Shit, strangers have shown more care for others than this.

Bless

Italianita · 11/05/2024 19:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AllCatsAreAutistic · 11/05/2024 19:32

I think you were making a lot of fuss about a minor indisposition.

Goldenbear · 11/05/2024 19:38

I think some posters on here are missing the point as they are men!

Josette77 · 11/05/2024 19:52

mandlerparr · 11/05/2024 15:44

All the people on here saying that putting a glass on a table instead of handing it straight to the person isn't rude are the same people that lose their minds when the cashier puts the receipt in the bag instead of handing it to them. They only understand rudeness when it is done to them.

How is that rude though? I don't think I've ever been handed a drink at a bar or restaurant. It's usually placed in front of me by a waiter or if someone bought it for me.

I honestly don't know why that is rude?

Nor do I understand the receipt issue? People think a receipt in the bag is rude?

Josette77 · 11/05/2024 19:55

mandlerparr · 11/05/2024 17:24

. I never said it was rude to put it in the bag. I said that it is the type of people who say shit like that is rude who never actually recognize actually rude things and only when it is done to them. But, let me make it easier for you to understand. The same people saying that putting the glass down instead of handing it to her is not rude are the same people that will lose their fucking minds if someone puts the glass down instead of handing it to them.

Show quote history

Do you think it's rude to put a glass down instead of handing it to the person? Is this a thing? I've never heard of this being rude before.

Josette77 · 11/05/2024 19:59

mandlerparr · 11/05/2024 16:10

My only take away from many of the comments on here is that you either treat your partners like shit or don't expect much for yourself from your partners. Going to a few places to get the steamy drink your partner, who is rarely sick, wants is not very much to ask. You can't, once every 18 months, get up at 11pm and go to 2-3 stores to find that one thing that will make them feel better? Really? You don't think your partner should care enough about you to do it? Really?
You all are acting like she was asking him to go out at 3am in a war torn country with missiles flying overhead. It is just them, no other responsibilities, no kids to worry about, not even a pet in an english speaking country. She asked for a certain thing. He brought her everything but and made up excuses later to cover it up. Is this what you all do to your partners? Is this the level of care you expect from your partners?
Shit, strangers have shown more care for others than this.

At 11 pm at night for a cold when they have already been handed meds? No. I'm not doing it.

You can call me a shit partner but I'm in bed at 11. I'm not running around to 2 or 3 stores for cold meds close to midnight. I'm just not doing it.

I wouldn't ever ask anyone to do this for me either. It's late. I'd drink tea and rest. Rest is the best defense any ways.

tuvamoodyson · 11/05/2024 20:27

Josette77 · 11/05/2024 19:52

How is that rude though? I don't think I've ever been handed a drink at a bar or restaurant. It's usually placed in front of me by a waiter or if someone bought it for me.

I honestly don't know why that is rude?

Nor do I understand the receipt issue? People think a receipt in the bag is rude?

Edited
Show quote history

MN has very strange views around etiquette!

Rhaenys · 11/05/2024 21:20

OP on Mumsnet people don’t believe in being nice to people when they’re ill.

Mothership4two · 11/05/2024 23:08

I never said it was rude to put it in the bag

And...

They only understand rudeness when it is done to them (about putting receipt in bag)

So that's exactly what you said @mandlerparr

I don't need you to make it easier for me to understand, just write clearly and don't contradict yourself.

The same people saying that putting the glass down instead of handing it to her is not rude are the same people that will lose their fucking minds if someone puts the glass down instead of handing it to them.

And that's a lazy assumption and just not true.

HTH

Silverfoxette · 12/05/2024 00:24

In future, always be prepared with provisions for this type of scenario happening.

I think he could have been more empathetic too and I get why you were upset. I remember going for 3 days to NY and got a raging temperature and sore throat the first day I got there. I think he could have shown more compassion. I would have a conversation with him about it, get it out in open, maybe the sore foot was worse than he was letting on

BadLad · 12/05/2024 01:06

The same people saying that putting the glass down instead of handing it to her is not rude are the same people that will lose their fucking minds if someone puts the glass down instead of handing it to them.

This is one of the strangest things I’ve read on here for a long time.

Mothership4two · 12/05/2024 01:21

Agree @BadLad it's a bizarre statement to make

Nuttyputty · 12/05/2024 01:23

mandlerparr · 11/05/2024 15:46

I have also fallen asleep while sick with a 39 fever. Fever's sort of do that, you know?

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What you do and don't do isn't relevant to what op did, she hasn't mentioned a fever you are purely speculating to fit your narrative. FYI paracetamol brings a fever down, which she claims doesn't work for her, other than a lemsip, which ironically contains paracetamol