To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

[Vlop]

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

They weren't on holiday and how is going out twice not lifting a finger??

Do you really think food poisoning and a cold are on the same level?

no it is not. This happens all the time. You ask someone to take out the trash and they go and clean the garage instead. They really should study what causes people to be like this. My guess is ego. They want to be able to say they did something for you, but something in them has to make it be something that doesn't actually help. I guess because they always know there will be somebody around who will go, "but he did do something!" The easiest and most helpful thing would have been to go and get the exact medicine she needed from the open pharmacy a few minutes away. He instead did 3 unhelpful things. Expending effort to do things you know aren't helpful just so you can later claim you tried is toddler level behavior.

You were being quite high maintenance. At nearly 11pm, if you can wait until the morning for medication, you should just wait. I wouldn’t be asking DH to go here there any everywhere looking for Lemsip at bedtime.

You're nuts for trying to rewrite history and clearly have a vendetta against the ops bf, and possibly all men. How is going out to a pharmacy and down to reception to try to get the lempsip not what she asked and not helpful? She had a cold, her legs weren't broken, she had the ability and opportunity to go to the other pharmacy herself. How many times is it you expect someone to source a powdered drink, where the only known medication is paracetamol, which she didn't want, at God knows what time?

But you weren’t really ‘ill’ were you? You just wanted a lemsip and to test your poor sod of a not to be long boyfriend

You have a cold 😂

Lighten up ! My post was in reference to lemsip in general and how enlightened we have become to know it’s effectiveness is not that good . I never mentioned ops bf in what he did or didn’t do!

Hope that’s sarcasm .

She probably explained that she felt she was suffocating and practically about to die (how she felt in that moment). I think he put in a fair effort to be fair

You lost me with “tablets never help me anyway”. Paracetamol is paracetamol. Take it with a cup of tea if you like, you were being a princess to request the exact right type of paracetamol at 11pm in a foreign country.

After your princessy dying drama-llama act and then the continued victimmy sulking the next evening: “I don’t want any dinner” - I’d not be hugely surprised if OP doesn’t have a DP for much longer after their return.

This will only get worse, and as you have children and grow older, you will have ER visits, hospitalizations, diseases, and injuries in the family, and need his support. This is just life. These people don’t change. Get out while you can. Find someone who loves you.

When I have a cold, I wouldn't take paracetamol for a sore throat.

I get very sore throats, and take paracetamol - works every time.

they didn't go to the pharmacy.

I don’t think you were being princess. High fever can make an adult very ill.
let him know you appreciated his help but would have liked it if he had been a little less grumpy. If it happens again, question the relationship. These guys dont change. Good luck.

Do you really need me to say? 🙄

Agreed.

Some shitty, hard-hearted comments on here from posters who possibly have low expectations of the level of consideration and care from partners. It is surprising how you can get used to low standards and see it as the norm.

Many years ago an x and I were with another couple having a drink. It was a defining couple of hours from. Her husband was polite and attentive to his wife and me; and affectionate towards her:
Would you like another drink, darling? Anything else? The drink was brought and put down carefully in front of her with a smile.
He wasn’t OTT or soppy. He was NICE.

What did I get? ‘same again?’ ‘I’m getting a drink, do you want one!’ Then the drink was dumped on the table where I had to reach for it.

I realised what an ignorant, ill-mannered, uncaring shit I was with.

Me, too! Well put Mandleparr.

Nope. mandlerparr is not ‘nuts’. She is perceptive, can read between the lines and has got it bang-on about some people’s behaviour. I doubt she is ‘anti OP’s partner’ or has a vendetta against all men. That is laughable.
Small actions are often a big giveaway about people’s characters.

You had to REACH for your own drink?!!.
With your own hand?! The hand!! The horror!!!

The OP went to bed at 10.30pm and woke up at 10.45pm with a cold. She asked her boyfriend to go to the shop a few minutes away for 'a flu relief hot drink'.

He went to the shop, but it didn't have what she wanted. She then asked him to walk a half an hour to get the lemsip.

Talk about a princess mentality.

This boyfriend needs to run a mile.

"Small actions are often a big giveaway about people’s characters."*
*
Indeed. Small actions such as knowing instinctively that only a lemsip will do and nothing else, rejecting a pain killer as it has been touched by someone else, insisting a partner drives/walks to a pharmacy late at night when they have work the next morning for a minor illness, taking the huff because- during a busy day at work - they have only asked once how the OP is feeling because of their cold. Yup, I'd say small actions are a big giveaway.