Spending summer together knowing they will break up

[Knightd]

DS is 18, he's been with a girl for 18 months, she's lovely.
His grandparents gave him money for his 18th, £15,000. He was told this is for fun stuff not practical. So travel, car, game console or similar. He bought a little run around car, some new tech for uni next year, has a fair amount left.

Today he told me they are going to break up after summer. She is taking a gap year, he's going to uni in Scotland (hopefully). They have discussed it and are happy with this even if it makes them sad.
They have stopped seeing each other now for exams anyway.
However they have decided they are going to spend the summer travelling Europe together, not normal hostel travel though, staying in hotels and having nice meals etc.
I really think this is an awful idea but DH thinks it's up to them.

AIBU feeling like this is a terrible plan?

Why do you think it's terrible?

Just seems a waste, fair enough if they want to travel but won't hostels do?
Won't the memories be forever tainted by being with an ex?

What is your objection to it?

Why? It’s his money and he was told it’s for fun stuff.

Are you concerned she's just spending his money?

He’s young. I should imagine he’s either thought this through or not. And decided it was worth it.

They are only splitting up through circumstance not because they don't love each other so I think it will be a nice, if bittersweet, summer.

No she has inheritance as one of her parents is sadly no longer here anymore so they will contribute equally, it just seems a waste!

They might not break up

How can it be a waste? They're mates still presumably and know they get on well enough to travel together

Lots of teens do this knowing theyl be going off separately to uni. They can make lovely memories and have fun together care free. They are both happy with the plan so it shouldn't bother you.

It is them who have decided they will, not an assumption.

Is she paying for herself or is he paying for her?

He knows she is going to be an ex so I don’t think the memories will be tainted. It’s not like they have had a bad break up (someone’s cheated etc). It’s just like him going with a friend. They might end up staying in touch as friends anyway.

The money was for fun stuff so I don’t think he is wasting money choosing hotels over hostels.

I think it's a wonderful idea. How mature of them too.

It might be a summer of lovely happy memories. They might not break up. If they do, they might find each other again further down the line. Either way it's his money to enjoy.

Sounds fine to me because a)presumably his decision, not pressured by the gf b) was told to use money for having fun, and travelling sounds like a great way to do this- certainly preferable to paying for a big group of mates to go out partying every night or something. He has also used a lot of the money quite wisely already in the car and tech.

Just seen your update that she will be paying for herself. It’s not a waste at all. He will have a great time and make amazing memories. It’s what the money is for.

I know two couples who split up like this and found each other again in their mid or late 20s and ended up getting married and having kids. You never know. Whatever happens, I think its a lovely thing to do, relationships when you are young are about living in the moment not investing in the future.

an ex from when you're 18 is very different from an ex from when you're 40, they're young and carefree, let them go and have fun.

It’s not a waste, they’ll have an amazing summer and then go their separate ways. Nothing about that is wasted.

Let them be OP. I've had three relationships where we both knew that we'd break up, but we've continued to spend time together in the run-up to doing so. Sometimes we all have to make hard decisions. IMO they're being very sensible and mature in breaking up so they can both set off on the next stage of their lives free and single. Doesn't mean they don't still really like or love each other now though.

Is your objection having the trip with someone he'll break up with - albeit amicably - or is it that you think that his first big adventure trip should be backpackers hostels and a tight budget? The first I wouldn't worry about.

The second, I sort of get it. We all look back fondly on our first on a shoe string trips. But really, eating cereal for dinner in a park out of a plastic bowl you carry in your backpack because that's all you can afford (I've done it in my uni days!) is more fun to look back on than to actually do. I certainly don't think my trips got worse once I could afford a hot meal and the occasional cocktail! And hostels tend to be really grim.

But might be worth pointing out to your DS that he could do multiple trips if he takes a more budget approach. Or they could have one week maybe at the end where they splash out on a nice hotel but do the rest more cheaply.

At the end of the day, though, sounds like he is spending the money as his grandparents hoped. Just make it clear to him he needs to send them many grateful postcards!

I don't get at all the 'it's a waste' thing? So, what isn't a waste in your mind?

I just feel like backpacking is more of learning experience. This is just a ridiculously expensive 6 week holiday!

I'm trading a book at the moment which talks about experiences like holidays being an investment in your emotional bank which gain interest as you look back on them and grow from them. At 18 I'd say that having a wonderful summer with someone, staying in nice places is going to be a massive deposit in the memory bank and one he'll look back on fondly all his life.