Spending summer together knowing they will break up

[Knightd]

DS is 18, he's been with a girl for 18 months, she's lovely.
His grandparents gave him money for his 18th, £15,000. He was told this is for fun stuff not practical. So travel, car, game console or similar. He bought a little run around car, some new tech for uni next year, has a fair amount left.

Today he told me they are going to break up after summer. She is taking a gap year, he's going to uni in Scotland (hopefully). They have discussed it and are happy with this even if it makes them sad.
They have stopped seeing each other now for exams anyway.
However they have decided they are going to spend the summer travelling Europe together, not normal hostel travel though, staying in hotels and having nice meals etc.
I really think this is an awful idea but DH thinks it's up to them.

AIBU feeling like this is a terrible plan?

Very indulged. 🙄 I think it's a crazy idea, however just let him get on with it OP. There's obviously plenty of money floating around and they/he are perfectly happy to fritter it away. Its up to him.

He has been given specific instructions to "waste" it in your terms.

Seriously why are you begrudging him this?

His grandparents want him to enjoy himself, he wants to enjoy himself and you want to stop him enjoying himself.

Why go backpacking & staying in hostels when you can afford hotels. Isn't backpacking/hostels to allow you to do things on the cheap

I'm with them on this. Great idea. Sounds like a fab summer for them

I think it sounds like a fantastic adventure. They may get back together at some point, or remain friends.

The thing is, you "would want to know" something that's not really your business - even if you were his parent.

They're adults, it's their money and they can do what they like. If it turns out to be a mistake - it's their mistake to make.

Why on earth would it be "a waste" ?

Life is about the journey, not the destination. Most romantic relationships do not lead to long-term commitments, and surely you would not want an 18-year-old to spend his entire life with his very first partner.

They are friends first and foremost; would you think it "a waste" if he traveled round with a mate, knowing they were each off to separate unis in the fall?

I think he sounds realistic and mature. Clearly they have good communication. Don't get too mired in the details of your son's relationships.

Out of all the fun things to do in the world this would be exactly what I'd choose to do. Day hikes then nice hotels (with spa/pool and great food) in Cyprus, Germany, Hydra, Slovenia, Bratislava, Switzerland, Spain, Italy, Scandinavia and on and on.

It's my idea of complete heaven to wonder these beautiful places and have space to think, feel, taste and be in different places without thinking about future plans, responsibilities, money and every day life. It would sustain me for years. It might not be your bag or idea of fun OP but I'd love for my children to have this opportunity. It's not a waste at all.

I think it’s a great idea. Who wants to stay in a hostel when you can have a nice hotel!

I think it sounds like a lovely plan and a very mature outlook too.

Young memories of fun and love !!! Let him have them, before he has all the shit that adulthood brings !!

Sounds like there hoping he’ll be able to have the experiences your brother never got the chance to have.

This thread has really divided people into the joyful and joyless.

I'm actively encouraging my youngsters to do some travel. My 23yo is about to head off to Bali for three weeks. My 18yo wants to do some travelling after college.

I think there is a lot of learning in such trips and opens your eyes to possibilities away from the daily mundane. I went to Canada for three months at 19 with the man who became my partner and ended up having four children with.

There is time enough to be tied down with bills and children and work.

Surely he is the one who decides what to do with his money and not you?

My eldest and his girlfriend very sensibly and maturely did the same before university. I was impressed by how grown up they were. Can't see the problem with this at all.

He is 18 and an actual adult, it doesn't matter what you think, he can do what he wants. And it sounds to me as if he's planning on enjoying the money to its fullest, and making the most of the time he has left with his girlfriend. These memories with stay with him forever, I think that's a good way to spend the money.

Why are you expecting an 18 year old, who has just been given 15000 free pounds, to be sensible with it?

I'm assuming your family have a lot of money, and your son can expect a lot of windfalls like this; otherwise yes he will be sobbing over the wastefulness when he needs a house deposit. However as it sounds like he's never going to ever suffer financially in his life then let him do what he wants with it.

They are young and in love and will both be contributing equally. They will both make wonderful memories through that last summer together. You sound jealous of them. Leave your son to make his own choices with his own money. His Grandparents said it was fun money.

I so agree with this. I've got some wonderful memories of holidays with ex partners.

They might not break up

I did a similar thing. Although not travelling. I went to Uni in a seaside town and instead of going home at the end of the summer term stayed down there with my boyfriend. We knew we were splitting up as I was going abroad in September to study- this was pre internet, pre mobiles so letters and phone calls were the only way to keep in touch.
I look back on that summer as one of the best times of my life. The sun shone, we had no responsibilities, just had fun for 3 months.
Yes, the inevitable goodbye was heartbreaking but we were both moving onto different phases of our lives that meant we couldn’t be together.
I’d love to say that years later we reconnected and were together… twas not to be though. Still in touch through Facebook and happily married to other people.
But the summer of 1992 still gives me a warm glow when I think about it over 30 years later. Do I regret it? Hell no!

I think hotels in Europe are not good value - I'd encourage them to do this but in SE Asia, money will go much further!

I think them going together is totally fine - they are young and living in the moment! most young people are in relationships that will end!

i actually totally agree about the hotel thing. waste of money he could save and just enjoyy the hostel life.

There is no learning experience to backpacking, unless you count learning as finding out just how many places don't have laundrettes, finding out what a bad back is before the age of 30, and worrying that the locks on the hostel bedroom doors are actually useless.