Spending summer together knowing they will break up

[Knightd]

DS is 18, he's been with a girl for 18 months, she's lovely.
His grandparents gave him money for his 18th, £15,000. He was told this is for fun stuff not practical. So travel, car, game console or similar. He bought a little run around car, some new tech for uni next year, has a fair amount left.

Today he told me they are going to break up after summer. She is taking a gap year, he's going to uni in Scotland (hopefully). They have discussed it and are happy with this even if it makes them sad.
They have stopped seeing each other now for exams anyway.
However they have decided they are going to spend the summer travelling Europe together, not normal hostel travel though, staying in hotels and having nice meals etc.
I really think this is an awful idea but DH thinks it's up to them.

AIBU feeling like this is a terrible plan?

I think it actually sounds quite mature of them tbh. They know each other well, get on well, and are being practical about their changing life situations after the summer. What's wrong with them having one last hurrah before that happens?

It sounds like a wonderful plan. Very mature of them. I’m recuperating from a sudden and hideous bout of ill health that has made me reevaluate everything. Life is for living - let them enjoy it and if they make some mistakes it’s good learning.

@Knightd

Have you posted about this before? Sounds very familiar

Sounds like a brilliant idea to me. Extensive travel, reasonable budget & accommodation, with a lovely partner.

Break up is due to pragmatic issues.
This could be a beautiful end to the relationship (if it is the end).

I had a boyfriend like this at Uni. We knew it wasn’t a forever thing and I was going to move away afterwards. We had a lot of fun. When we split up there was no hard feelings and 20 + years on we are still distant mates and I look back on our adventures with fondness.

I think thats a great plan. No expectations. Good friemds travelling together

He could be snorting it up his nose which lots of 18 year olds (obviously not Mumsnet teens) would do.
I would also struggle with the choice of lodgings at 18, but I wonder if it's because of some sort of jealousy!
My DD2 aged 18 and her boyfriend are going interrailing for a month this summer. There was talk of hotels because they didn't know any different. they are now looking at backpackers.

It will probably end in tears but it is their choice tbh. You’d think they’d rather do this with a group of friends

Lots of people do the "one last summer" thing with a girlfriend or boyfriend at 18. I did. Admittedly the highlights were Leeds Festival and Blackpool Pleasure beach 😅 - this is just a slightly more expensive exotic version. Which they both can afford!
Let them enjoy it!
He's got the rest of his life to be sensible. Before he knows it he'll be 40 thinking about those fun times as a young adult 😊

Having a great summer before going off to Uni can never be a waste of time or money

I think it's a great idea, personally. Good for them! I hope they have a wonderful time.

So why does it matter? You seem to think you have control over it they are not doing anything wrong

So tech stuff and a console was ok but hotels is a waste? So confused

Yes I think being young is about living in the moment.

And if she’s the person he wants to go with right now, then why would he go with someone else? If he can only go with his wife to be he may have to wait years …

Anyway, my bet is they don’t break up when the time comes … they seem to really enjoy each other’s company.

Let them live life to the full in the here and now. They are young, they can and they want to .

I have exactly this situation and I feel quite glad to have experienced a positive, healthy break up to a relationship. It’s a good bench mark to hand when encountering unhealthy relationships.

@godmum56 I can assure you, the stuff that DS asks for extra cash for, is not sensible!!

@KreedKafer the things my DS asks for extra money for are all fun things. There’s a lot of fun to be had any uni, and it doesn’t come cheap

It sounds amazing!

Stop chipping away at him OP, be excited for him and interested.

Not critical and negative.

I know a couple who did this in their 20s, the relationship was going to end due to one of them having to move abroad permanently. They spent a great summer together and kept in touch after that, this made them decide to keep the relationship as long distance for a while. Eventually they moved together to another foreign country and they are still together now in their 40s.

I spent a blissful summer of 1994 with my husband ‘knowing’ we would break up because in the autumn he was moving to Manhattan. He phoned me when he landed at JFK and said he was coming back as soon as he could organise it. He did. We just celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary. And even if we hadn’t, I’d hate to have missed that dreamy, perfect summer. And if my mum had a view, I wouldn’t have cared!

It sounds like a pretty perfect way to spend the summer before uni, if you ask me.

It sounds like they are both pretty grounded. I’d be more concerned if they intended to try to stay together.

Many of my happiest holiday memories are with exes. Yes, we drifted apart, but we had fun and there are no hard feelings. I remember travelling through France one summer with a uni boyfriend and we had so much fun!

I think it sounds the perfect way of spending ‘fun’ money, whilst seeing the ‘world’. Something that many never get to do. I completely understand your parents outlook on life, having lost both my parents by 30. My children are now both under 10 and I wish nothing more for them than to enjoy life. I don’t pressure them with school work etc and never will as there is more to life than that. Your son is doing as his grandparents wish and I can only hope to do the same for my children and their children in future. If anything your posts strike me as you are a little jealous that you never got chance to do this, or that you aren’t the one facilitating your son doing it.

Yes, you are definable being unreasonable. The money is earmarked for fun. Travelling around Europe in comfort with a lovely friend is something he will always remember. Don’t spoil it by advising against it.

Deciding to 'break up' to take the pressure off whilst at Uni seems like a good idea

It maybe their relationship is becoming more of a friendship anyway. Let them enjoy being together and then they may discover they have grown closer or decide they hate each other or are just friends. They may not meet anyone at Uni that compares. But it's important that they grow.

I always joke that although I loved my DH at 18, we didn't start dating until 20 because I had to wait for him to grow up first 😂

I did as your son is planning when I was younger. Had a brilliant relationship but life was about to take us in different directions to each other.

We spent the whole summer together doing fun things, in the September we went our own ways.

We are still in touch now, both married happily but that summer remains a lovely memory. There is something very liberating knowing the end date or something like that.

But you both need to feel ready to let go , if either doesn't want to, it won't work.