Spending summer together knowing they will break up

[Knightd]

DS is 18, he's been with a girl for 18 months, she's lovely.
His grandparents gave him money for his 18th, £15,000. He was told this is for fun stuff not practical. So travel, car, game console or similar. He bought a little run around car, some new tech for uni next year, has a fair amount left.

Today he told me they are going to break up after summer. She is taking a gap year, he's going to uni in Scotland (hopefully). They have discussed it and are happy with this even if it makes them sad.
They have stopped seeing each other now for exams anyway.
However they have decided they are going to spend the summer travelling Europe together, not normal hostel travel though, staying in hotels and having nice meals etc.
I really think this is an awful idea but DH thinks it's up to them.

AIBU feeling like this is a terrible plan?

How is any good time ever a waste?

Isn't it literally the entire point of life - enjoy yourself?

I'm always intrigued by the 'we had a good time but it's ended so it's all wasted' mindset. How? How is it wasted? Is something only not wasted if it lasts forever and ever, and you die at precisely the same time?

I really don't see why you have an issue with this.

At 18 this is a great gift from his Grandparents, life is for living and he is doing what they have asked and spending it on fun.

I think it sounds amazing and very mature of them too. Yes he could save the money but that's not what it was gifted for. Let him have an amazing time and some wonderful memories. At least he's not pissing it up against the wall!

This! OP has a very romanticised view of backpacking and staying in hostels it seems. In my experience I had much more fun and much more energy for exploring (and -gasp- learning) when I was staying in a nice hotel over dossing it in a smelly hostel where someone will steal the socks off your feet if you take your eyes off them.

Let them be young and have an adventure OP, while they can. It may not fit your idea of an adventure, but you're not actually invited so it doesn't matter what you think!

I really don't see how a wonderful experience with someone he loves is a waste though. What an exceptionally sad way of looking at life. The memories I have with the people I travelled with in my 20's are some of my most precious, certainly not a waste at all, even if I don't see those people anymore.

Would you mind telling me the name of the book please, it sounds really good

They probably feel comfortable enough together to be able to do this, rather than alone.

@likepebblesonabeach Its called Die with Zero by Bill Perkins. Its an interesting flip side to the 'don't buy a Starbucks every day and you could have a house deposit' but rather 'don't buy a Starbucks every day and you could have 3 sets of flight tickets a year - which will give you more overall pleasure'.

@CMOTDibbler thank you, away to order it

They sound emotionally very stable and secure. They are probably great friends as well as a couple. I think it’s a great idea

What would you rather he did?

Money (not always) can buy experiences, which create memories that last a lifetime. Good luck to them. Life will get serious for them soon enough

Yabu. What an amazing opportunity. Why is backpacking better? It is what young people usually do because that is all they can afford! I have stayed in some shocking (cheap) hotels because I have never fancied sharing a room with a bunch if strangers. And that’s ok. While we can look back and laugh about them the experience would just have been different (nicer?) with more money to splash. As for the, not staying together, they sound mature and will hopefully stay friends. Experiences with an ex aren’t wasted. You still went to those places, shared those experiences, lived it. I had some wonderful holidays with my ex husband (and other exes before). All were good experiences and none ‘a waste’. If you are thinking about the money he has literally been given it to spend on fun. You don’t get to decide what is ‘fun’. That’s up to him surely.

Gosh the green eyed monster has reared his head rather a lot on this thread!

He's a very lucky boy and his plans sound fabulous. A learning experience doesn’t have to include catching bed bugs or having your valuables stolen in a grotty hostel.

This sounds like a rom com situation.

I could see the point if you wanted him to keep it for a deposit or similar but that's not the case, so what do you think he should do with it instead?

No, hostels won't do!
If he has the money and they're going to split up, why not have a little treat!
Go out in style!

Would you have objected if he was travelling on his own?

Travelling and seeing Europe and having a great time with someone he likes seems totally in keeping with what the money was for - having fun before knuckling down to serious study.

Just because they are not going to be boyfriend/girlfriend at separate universities doesn't mean they are never going to see each other again. They might make plans to travel together next year. You just never know!

From someone who had been with their boyfriend for 4 years at 18, we broke up for a year. We married at 25 and have been married for 10 years.

You never know what is going to happen.

I would just let them go!

Properly planned, able to contact you, not travelling alone. Sounds lovely. And before the visa requirements for travelling to the EU come in, so will be a lot easier than next year.

This thread has warmed my soul. Thank you to all of the people that have reminded me that life is for living in the here and now.

OP - your parents sound amazing, life has dealt them a crushing loss, no parent should bury their child. What a beautiful legacy to their son’s memory by gifting their grandchild a fun fund.

Your son sounds like he has a plan, he is working hard revising for exams and plans on going to university. Well done for raising such a great child. Now, regardless of reservations, support him in having the trip of a lifetime. I hope he has the best summer.

What an incredibly fortunate young man. I wish I'd done more of that type of thing when I was younger. I did live overseas for a bit, but never with much money behind me.
They are being mature enough to know that it's unlikely to last, but they have a plan. TBH, I've had plenty of holidays with ex-partners. Only one was tainted by a protracted break up, whilst we were away. Given they are planning to have fun, then go their own way, it sounds very mature, and I wish them health to enjoy it.

This sounds like an amazing opportunity that is unlikely to come his way many times! Teach your son to grab on to life and enjoy it. So what if he and his girlfriend break up? Should no-one ever experience anything with someone they care about unless they can see a long life together in front of them? No-one has any guarantees for the future.

You sound rather joyless, OP. Let your son have a summer to remember forever. I backpacked the way you suggest when I was young. That wasn't the memorable part of the experience, it was the places I went and the people I met that have stayed with me decades later. Very few of which I now have contact with.

This was my plan with my boyfriend at the time as we had to move to different countries when we were 19, and had been together a year.

We said we'd stay together for that summer....

Still together 20 years later!

Yes this. It’s a lovely way to see a bit of the world with someone they get on well with. I would absolutely be encouraging this plan!!

Oh my goodness how is it a waste? I have many beautiful memories that I treasure of times with exes. A relationship is not a failure or a blight on your life just because it didn't end with one of you dying. This sounds like a wonderful relationship, with a natural time limit, and this trip will be one of its wonderful parts.