Spending summer together knowing they will break up

[Knightd]

DS is 18, he's been with a girl for 18 months, she's lovely.
His grandparents gave him money for his 18th, £15,000. He was told this is for fun stuff not practical. So travel, car, game console or similar. He bought a little run around car, some new tech for uni next year, has a fair amount left.

Today he told me they are going to break up after summer. She is taking a gap year, he's going to uni in Scotland (hopefully). They have discussed it and are happy with this even if it makes them sad.
They have stopped seeing each other now for exams anyway.
However they have decided they are going to spend the summer travelling Europe together, not normal hostel travel though, staying in hotels and having nice meals etc.
I really think this is an awful idea but DH thinks it's up to them.

AIBU feeling like this is a terrible plan?

Really don't understand why this is a waste and any different to going with a friend? Sounds like they are on good terms.

Hostels are horrible. Let him book a hotel with a door lock and their own bathroom!!

Indeed. My Interrailing experiences in the early 90s included losing a lot of weight because we had so little money, sleeping in parks, doorways and beaches, and getting fleas! I mean, I loved every second, but I don’t feel it’s compulsory to suffer (or be hosed with cold water by the Roman Parks service!)

It sounds like great fun to me and very mature of them to recognise the relationship has an end date but that they can enjoy each other's company until then.

I think it’s a great idea! They’ll have a blast.

also galloping trots. Much galloping trots and throwing up.

oh PS yabu

Yes, I do think YABU, OP. I think they sound remarkably adult; acknowledging that they will go in different directions and break up after summer, but wanting to spend the time they have left enjoying themselves. I don't understand why you wouldn't want that for them. Memories are only "tainted", in my eyes, if there is something hugely negative about them. Mutally agreeing they should break up isn't necessarily a negative thing, particularly when they seem able to talk about it so openly.

He was given the money to have fun with. So why shouldn't he enjoy a "ridiculously expensive 6 week holiday"?

I agree with the majority (if not all?) on here. I think it's amazing and even if they don't stay together, it sounds like they will remain good friends!

I went out with an ex from school to mid way through college. We split because at college we had different ideas of what our futures looked like, and decided we wouldn't hold each other back.

That was ~20 years ago. We still occasionally chat through social media (usually when a school friend has posted old photos or something), say happy birthday, catch up if we're both back in the hometown (we both moved away), etc.

Absolutely no lingering feelings, no regrets, no animosity. And no place or memory is tainted from the fact that we went there or made that memory as a couple, and are no longer together.

Not all exes are bad. All exes are ex for a reason, but the reason is sometimes not awful. We knew we couldn't keep making each other happy and so parted as friends. And your son and his girlfriend know they are on different paths so are parting as friends. It won't taint any memory.

Sounds brilliant. Hostels suck and there are tons of cheaper hotel rooms. And sounds likethey have the moneh. Tons of relationships have an expiration date. A lot of times that makes it fun. Summer, sex, traveling, doing it with someone you like? Sounds like it will be fun. If it doesn't work they both have enough cash to continue solo.

Sounds amazing. They seem to be quite mature and wouldn't you rather he went with this girl that you know who cares for your son.

But they are only spliting up for practical reasons which absolutely make sense. So if they enjoy each others company, why not? It's only going to be tainted if they dont get along or split up horribly along the way. Do you honestly have no happy memories of time spent with an ex?!

Isn't backpacking/hostels to allow you to do things on the cheap
Not just that, it's a way of meeting other like minded travellers and many hostels lay on/or sell activities and trips. It can be very sociable and a good way to meet others (which dilutes the intense couple dynamic) and get ideas for travel.
Backpacking doesn't have to be staying in hellhole dorms, plenty of hostels have gone upmarket and have rooms for 2, en-suite even. They may have laundrette facilities, kitchens. Not dirt cheap but more affordable than hotels and you meet similar people.
I would suggest they do a mix of accommodation which could be hostels, B&B, AirBnB, hotels, sleeping on buses and trains etc. It can be a learning experience or character building or whatever but also fun.They don't have to rough it and he doesn't have to blow the budget.

Why are you so keen that he should spend the summer uncomfortably?

OP, there are two separate issues here.
The first is backpacking instead of nice hotels which is ridiculous. He's been given the money specifically for fun, let him use it in the spirit which it was intended!

The second is last hurrah with this girl... Well... I don't think it's a good idea either, but there's nothing you can do about it. He's 18, can make his own mistakes. And presumably finds it more fun to travel with someone than alone.

I doubt many other 18 year olds will have the money to spend on a nice holiday so she's probably the most suitable person anyway. Even if he gets his heart broken, he'll be off to uni in September and find lots to distract him 😊 so it'll be fine!

I'd just advise him to book flexible rooms etc, so that he doesn't lose money if one or both decide to cut the trip short.

I married one of my sister's boyfriends. It didn't cause any problems. She liked him but not as a partner so they parted amicably and she was delighted when we started dating.

They sound more grown up than you tbh.

Roughing it does not = better memories

They’re 18 OP! Let them do what they want, it sounds sensible and measured. They will hurt each other much less doing it this way than breaking up further down the road when one has met someone else.

What could be nicer? They are a close and loving couple who want to experience this trip together. They know each other well so no awkwardness between them and they are both equally paying their way. It's a brilliant plan. They sound really mature and you should be proud of your son. I would have loved this opportunity. His life and his business honestly.

But even if they weren't planning to split up they could have at some point anyway.

You can still have good memories with an ex!

Sounds like madness to me, especially when he’s going to be going to university and will really need money then.

DS1 is in his first year at uni and is always asking for extra this and extra that. Assuming you’ve already planned and discussed a budget you’ll be giving him for university, I’d make it clear to him that you won’t be subbing him any extra if he blows all this money on a fancy holiday.

One of my husbands friends did this. Agreed they’d split in August, when his friend flew to the US for uni and his girlfriend was starting a job. They got back together in February, having talked throughout; and have been together ever since. They’ve got two daughters now and have been married for 13 years.

Circumstances are breaking them up; nothing else. They enjoy each others company. It’ll give them fond memories.

he has been clearly told by the donor that the money is not for anyuthing sensible.

I don’t know if you missed this, but he was given the money on condition that he spent it on having fun, not on daily life.