DD going for a weekend away with a man she barely knows!

[Wholivesinanapple]

DD is 22, she lives in London, in her last year of uni (just doing exams now), she’s very confident and impossible to convince that anything is a bad idea.

DD has been on 2 dates with a guy who is 32, not massively a fan of this but they to convince DD it’s a bad idea would push her further in, either way not the issue.
Issue is she’s going to Paris with him for 3 nights in a month! Apparently he was able to get tickets to the French open women’s final and DD well she doesn’t hate tennis and goes through phases of it being her preferred sport.
I’ll bite my tongue on the age situation but surely it’s never ever a good idea to go to an unfamiliar city for 3 nights with someone you hardly know?
He could be abusive or anything!

DD thinks it will be fine, and obviously they will go on more dates between now and then so I should just “chill”

AIBU thinking this is dangerous and not a great idea?

It’s creepy a 32 year old is going out with her.

im similar age and live in London and none of my normal friends who I’d consider a catch would date that young.

did they meet organically or a dating app where his settings were set to 22?

It’s not interfering, it comes from love, and it’s not wrong for OP to feel apprehensive about it.

Harsh- OP is just concerned for her daughter, it would be strange if she were not!

My ex lived in Paris when we got together (I was about 24) If we hadn't taken a punt on staying with each other for weekends in the early days there would have been no relationship. Having said that, we met through a mutual friend, so I had some confidence that he was who he said he was, and wasn't a known fellon. Perhaps it would help set your mind at rest if you had more solid knowledge about him, so he's a person not a demographic?

I met a man and married him after meeting
hom 6 times - O was also 22. We just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary!
YABU! She’s an adult!

Sorry for typos

It's only sex. Have a good weekend and come back content

I went skiing for a week with a guy I'd only met twice (although he was a friend of a friend so there was a reference). Best week of sex I've ever had in my life! We're still friends now decades later although the relationship only lasted a year.

It’s France FFS! Most people speak at least some level of English there.

I did much worse when I was her age, difference is I didn’t tell my parents. And I’ve survived to be in my 50s 🤷🏼‍♀️

If she was travelling she’d be staying in hostel dorms with all sorts of people she had never met. At least she’s met this guy a few times. It’s fine to worry but don’t vocalise it - just smile and tell her to have a good time.

Let her trust her instincts. 22 (girl) and 32 (boy) not that different. You’re over thinking it. Probably enormous fun. He might be not for her 🤷🏻‍♀️. There may even be heart break - shock! Heart break at 22, who knew.
HIGHLY unlikely to be a psycho (why is this the worry - so so so likely!) At 21 I ran off to Greece for the summer with a 28 yr old Canadian I’d known a week. Best fun/sex ever. Huge love affair, he had to go home after 6 months, long distance/intense re unions for a year, grew too tiring, I then I met my (future) husband and it ended. Complicated times but what an adventure. 30 years of (happy) marriage I still give those days a little thought. I hope your daughter has a fabulous time. If he’s a dick, I hope she shrugs her shoulders, walks away and has some great tales to tell. I very much doubt he’s dangerous.

OP, I understand your concern. I was naive, trusting, always saw the best in people, took things at face value, was swept along with what other people wanted, didn't know how to say no etc. Started dating age 20, married at 22, finally realised I'm autistic age 43. If I'd read this guide beforehand then I'd have had far better boundaries and saved a lot of heartache. Hope it helps x
https://www.durham.ac.uk/media/durham-university/research-/research-centres/neurodiversity-amp-development-centre-for/FINAL-A-autistic-guide-to-healthy-relationships-copy.pdf

‘I asked her what does he do and she said “oh he’s head of fund research” now I have no idea what that really means and neither does she!! ‘

It means he earns enough money to take a girl to Paris and buy £££ tickets to a sports event. I hope he takes her to a really plush hotel and a few good meals, as well.

It also means he is probably not a criminal ( unless you are a Socialist).

Is he married? Kids? This is something your dd needs to know about for sure. Check his identity. As they’ll be sleeping together check with her that she’ll stay safe and won’t have unprotected sex. Get a phrase ready that she can say on the phone if she needs to get away from him and needs your help. Check that she knows how to get to the airport or international train station in case she needs to get back by herself.

I went away with my now DH barely three months into dating. I was 25, he was 32. I didn’t tell my mum though because she would have freaked out ha!

Why is someone considered creepy because they are 32 and she is 22. I've worked with and know far more with 10 year age gaps and bigger. Someone I went to school with got together with a guy of 34 wen she was 18. Still together after 40 years. A lovely lady I know, in her 70's now, she met a guy 25 years her junior when he was 20. Not together. He died.

I've a long list of other examples. Some haven't worked out sure.. Same as any other relationship. Some comments on here remind me of a father who beat up his 21 year old daughters 30 year old boyfriend simply because he wouldn't stop seeing her.

Sure you would be worried as any mother would and regardless of his age...even if he was 22 too. I have a relative in her 50's who still checked up on her son of 26. All hell broke lose when she heard he was seeing a woman in her late 30's. The son has cut ties with his mother now. One to bear in mind.

There is nothing wrong with an age gap in a relationship if they are fully grown adults and are both mentally sane, not vulnerable and not boss and employee.

34 and 18 is one year off being classed as a pedophile.

I went away for a week with my DH less than a month into dating. I was 18 and he was 23. My mum had similar concerns and tried to forbid me from going. I wouldn’t listen to her and my dad backed me up because I was legally an adult so he rightfully thought they had no right to tell me what to do. Now that I’m a parent myself I do understand why she was worried but it was honestly fine. I had a great time, we really got to know each other and it helped us both decide that we wanted to be together seriously. It’s completely understandable that you’re concerned but your daughter is an adult and you need to trust her to make her own decisions.

OP I’d let her go but if you asked her to have a code word she could text you if she feels unsafe what would she say to that?

Wouldn’t hurt for you to meet the bf. I would be concerned to but what can you do?

Do people really 'check' with their 22 year olds that they're having safe sex?

When I was 22 I'd been a nurse for a year, owned my own flat and lived about 300 miles from my parents. I wouldn't have been impressed if they had so little trust in my judgment that they sent me a checklist about everyone I dated

This has been said so many times now but...you don't 'let' a 22 year old woman go anywhere. She decides to go herself because she's an adult.

Yes you are right of course, I didn’t mean let her as such but “have her go and don’t make a fuss”

When l read the title of the thread l was expecting it to be about a 16 year old. She’s 22 for goodness sake! And this is the best way for them to get to know each other.

Would l have done the same thing at 22 (I’m 40 something in the university of life)? You bet. Would l do it now? Oh yes!

It would be if she’d decided to backpack round the world with him but a trip to Paris is no different really to if she was going to Scotland for the weekend with him.