DD going for a weekend away with a man she barely knows!

[Wholivesinanapple]

DD is 22, she lives in London, in her last year of uni (just doing exams now), she’s very confident and impossible to convince that anything is a bad idea.

DD has been on 2 dates with a guy who is 32, not massively a fan of this but they to convince DD it’s a bad idea would push her further in, either way not the issue.
Issue is she’s going to Paris with him for 3 nights in a month! Apparently he was able to get tickets to the French open women’s final and DD well she doesn’t hate tennis and goes through phases of it being her preferred sport.
I’ll bite my tongue on the age situation but surely it’s never ever a good idea to go to an unfamiliar city for 3 nights with someone you hardly know?
He could be abusive or anything!

DD thinks it will be fine, and obviously they will go on more dates between now and then so I should just “chill”

AIBU thinking this is dangerous and not a great idea?

Of course he will want sex. She will probably want sex too. Most people do when they are away on a romantic weekend break in Paris...

This is entirely normal dating behaviour. They aren't going this weekend so by the time this comes around they will be have been a couple for a while. Two adults who are dating going on a weekend break is not a shocking thing to happen.

I understand the OP worrying though, because that is what parents do. But hopefully she is sensible enough to do her worrying on here and let her daughter live her adult life.

She’s 22!! A fully grown adult. She wouldn’t have accepted if she thought he was a bit dodge. plus as other PPs have said, it’s only Paris, she could be home on a train in a few hours if it doesn’t go well.

I went skiing for a week after 2 months with my now husband of 11 years. I think it’s very normal.

If you overreact this time, next time she simply won't tell you anything.

My now 21 year old has done similar things in the past with a man who is a mistake for her to be with. Sadly, you have to let them find out these things for themselves. Your DD is unlikely to be scarred by the experience. Just be there to listen when she gets back.

In basic terms, they would usually head up a team who predicts where will increase, decrease etc to maintain or grow a fund, its corporate investing essentially. Good luck to her finding someone in Paris who doesn’t speak English.

Has she ever given you a reason to believe he may be abusive or dangerous?

I remember me being invited back to DH's flat in Zone 4 for lunch. I turned him down because I realised I would be in a flat in a block where I knew nobody (in the days before mobiles) and that although he seemed ok, he could be planning to rape and murder me. We got engaged two months later and have been married nearly 25 years.

But he always thinks I made the right call. It was early on and I didn't know him that well although we had mutual friends.

I completely understand where you're coming from. However, the decision isn't yours to make. You can only ensure that she stays in a hotel that will notice if she's in need of help (Accor springs to mind) and ask her what the backup plan is if the red flags start flying.

BTW... I started dating DH at 20, married before I was 22! 😂🤦‍♀️ I don't think my Mum ever recovered.

She barely knows him but thinks going away with a guy she doesn’t know in a country where she doesn’t speak the language

It's France. She can use google translate.

This is why I didn't tell my parents anything when I was in my 20s, it wasn't worth the hassle of them overreacting about everything I ever did (it was easier in those days before smartphones!) I went abroad so many times without telling them.

If my Mother had interfered in my life aged 22, we would’ve fallen out for sure

You have to take a back seat on this one. She doesn’t have or need to explain her love life to you and nor does she need to seek your permission at 22.

however I suspect it’s more that you have realised that cute little girl is no longer little… be kind to yourself while buttoning up. At least she told you …

It sounds lovely. And if she doesn’t like it she’s only in Paris!

They can understand English in Paris!

Because it's true. Presumably OP was relying on the " more than a five year gap and he's definitely a suspect groomer" brigade.
I was dating a 37 year old at 22. Reader, I married him, and am jolly glad I did.

When my DD was 22 she had a couple of nights in Paris with an older bloke she hadn't been seeing long. She was fine

At 22 I would have given my eye teeth to b whisked away to a hotel in Paris with a gorgeous bloke - and the expectation of lots sex. That’s what Paris is made for… instead I was working hard at uni and thought all the young man around me weren’t interested… 20 years later( at a class reunion ) the same young men told me they where terrified of me 🤣. So hope your daughter has a bloody marvellous time in Paris!

I went alone to Australia at 22 and it was during the time of the backpacker murders. I was an adult and was perfectly fine.

Your DD is an adult and will perfectly fine

I went to Dublin for a weekend with a man I'd only known for one month. That was 38 years ago and we're still together.

Glass is half full op!

It France OP. They speak English

At 22 I lived in Japan, so didn't tell my mum about anyone I was dating. No smartphones, sent emails! Made some choices I wouldn't make now, had a blast. She's not that far away in Paris and will always be able to call if she needs help getting home: it is only two nights.

Everything is dangerous.

People you've known a lifetime or just met, crossing the road, going to a night club, eating dodgy food or just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The only thing you can do is minimise the risk.

1. Confirm the identity of the person your daughter is going with.
2. Ask to see a photo of the actual tickets for the sporting event.
3. Ask your daughter to text you on arrival of accommodation and depature.

And then be excited to hear about her weekend.

I think you are being ott. I think it's fine for her to go. She's an adult.

Are they going as just friends or a couple and sharing a room. Not much you can do as she is 22 and an adult.

She's going to a busy populated city with shitloads of people who speak English.

She could be on a train/flight home without hours if needed.

She'll be fine and she'll see some good tennis. I'd also be hoping for some fancy shopping but I'm shallow.

Not a whole lot you can do. It is too big an age gap, but she probably won't listen to you on that.

I was doing way more risky things at 22. Such as backpacking alone. She'll be home from Paris in a few hours if needed

I imagine most mothers would feel concernedlike the OP, even when their daughter is an aduIt- know I would.