Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

@LittleBooThang

"Maybe you should have picked a better person to procreate with if they’re so shit?"

Joey: You want my advice?
Ross: Yes! Please!
Joey: You're not gonna like it.
Ross: That's ok
Joey: You got married to fast
Ross: That's not advice
Joey: I told you

Christ! The “holier than thou” lot are out in force tonight!! Yes, i occasionally lose my temper and shout at my DH. He occasionally does with me. It’s usually when we are tired/stressed/under pressure. I do not think it’s abnormal to shout on occasion. And I have heard NO END of arguments in hotels. Wouldn’t dream of reporting it though, unless there were threats/violence. People fall out, it happens.

@BingoMarieHeeler have you been away with a baby, I can assure you that it isn't relaxing to care for a baby from a suitcase, outside of your normal residence where you have everything set up.

Do you think you’re the only one who’s been away with a baby? 😂 yes, I have 3 kids and have been away with all of them younger than 5 months. Key is DH is a hands on dad and our communication is open and calm. You said yourself, what your DH is capable of is ‘limited’………🙄

YANBU To get irritated at your husband if you’re carrying the majority of the mental load, even if you are meant to be relaxing on holiday.

no harm done, at least you’re aware that the walls have ears now.

hope you manage to get some time to relax, I think you’re getting a hard time on here, I sincerely doubt that a lot of these posters have never had a heated discussion with raised voices 🙄🙄 I’d ignore this thread as you’re going to get a pile on

By “help” I mean therapy, not anger management. To help process your emotions and problems in a constructive way.

Sounds like you need couples therapy to be honest, as your partner is clearly quite useless, and that’s what’s causing your stress.

I maintain that shouting at your partner isn’t normal, and it will damage your child if they witness it one day. Not trying to stick the boot in, but it is true. I guess you witnessed shouty arguments when you were little, from your own parents, and that’s why you think it’s normal? It’s up to you to break the cycle.

Then why do it then?

Yep, they’re too holy to ever raise their voices to their beloveds but somehow not quite holy enough not to be nasty to a stressed new mother on the internet. Go figure.

Then why bloody do it? Honestly this martyr attitude of how difficult it is taking a baby away and having to ‘arrange all the activities’. You are choosing to do it.

Babies don’t need or appreciate holidays and neither do other guests hearing your dramas whilst trying to relax! Selfish all round.

I imagine this is a really stressful time for you and you had high expectations for your holiday and are frustrated and disappointed that you aren’t getting the break you wanted.

I often wonder how much of a holiday people actually have with a baby, is it not the same duties different scenery? If your partner isn’t pulling his weight and you were hoping for a break then I can see how annoying that would be. You and the baby are out of your comfort zone and normal surroundings and if you are in a hot country heat makes tempers fray more.

I don’t believe all the people expressing shock and denying they never argue with their partner, arguing leads to raised voices which is commonly referred to as shouting. It’s actually healthy to argue and air grievances and clear the air and if you are sleep deprived and feel like everything is left to you then you are bound to snap and loose your temper.
Obviously this shouldn’t happen around a baby but you’ve said the baby wasn’t there.
I hope you can resolve things and make them a bit more equal. Do you have a better way of splitting things so you both can have a break?
Try to find things to do you will all enjoy together and make the most of things. You know for next time you plan a holiday how difficult it is with a baby but it’s not forever.

The people in the room next to you are probably really pissed off they have ended up next to a frustrated couple with a baby on holiday. Being completely honest my heart would sink and I’d ask to move. Hotel rooms are paper thin and I look forward to my holiday and save all year for it. If they heard you shouting then I imagine they have heard how frazzled you are and are concerned, it’s probably been reported partly out of concern and partly out of annoyance.

The staff and manager will have witnessed all kinds of things and it’s really good they checked on you. Not everyone ends an argument just shouting, things can escalate and the baby needs to be the number 1 priority and they needed to check they were ok.

I hope your holiday improves, talk to your partner about how you are feeling (and I know it’s not easy when they are being a prick) but try to stay calm and avoid raising your voice because this leads to more arguments, if he’s feeling defensive he’s less likely to listen. If you tell him honestly that you are struggling and need more support without getting angry then hopefully he will want to do more to help and you can suggest making a plan as to how you can both have a break and enjoy your time together with the baby.

Also see if it’s possible to move rooms if it will make it easier? Maybe you could be moved next to someone else with kids who will be more understanding about noise? You will be wondering who reported you and feeling uncomfortable around your temporary neighbours and they have probably had enough of the noise.

Shoulda went camping instead .

I went on holiday with a six week old baby once, it was lovely. My husband helped me. Kindly - you have relationship problems. Don’t blame it on your baby.

They should check. They don't know that all is well.
Imagine they had a report of shouting and they did nothing then later found out someone had been injured. You know it was just a bit of shouting but the hotel staff didn't and they had to check everything was ok.

Noone is forced to go on holidays

I guess you don’t realise what it’s like until you’re in the thick of it.

Has it occurred to you that the parents may also need a holiday? early May is perfect for a family with a young baby

I feel for you OP

Mumsnet has always seemed to have a large proportion of people who don't lose their shit at some point with a small baby and lack of sleep. Christ knows how these angels manage it !

DH and I definitely DID not manage it when DC were small 🤣

Hope you're ok and DP has pulled his finger out

If someone complained then your row was loud. Stop making excuses.
People rarely complain about the noise from neighbouring rooms.

Own it and deal with it.

Yabu. I'm impressed with the hotel. What you say. I understand why the guest and hotel is worried as it's not ok to shout. Are you and dh ok. How long ago was the birth.

@NinaPersson yes this, I was too worried about the pregnancy to go away when pregnant and won't be able to take the time away from work once maternity leave is over and thought it would be a break.

@Londonrach1 surprisingly the birth of my 5 month old, happened 5 months ago.

I‘m shocked how many people are implying they’ve never heard of a married couple having an argument before

Nice take, but you are wrong. It’s not normal to shout at your partner and get reported at hotels for shouty arguments. The (few)
people on this thread who think shouty arguments are normal and “fine” have probably not had examples of healthy relationships themselves.

Sure, everyone can break and shout sometimes. But it should be followed with remorse. I think posters are picking up on OPs very abrasive/argumentative posting style. If it was “I’ve shouted at my partner and I feel awful, how can I fix this? I’m so embarrassed”, people would have replied differently.

The OP asked, and people answered honestly. If she wanted “you haven’t done anything wrong hunni, I shout at people all the time” she should have posted on Facebook.

Yeah I think you proved my point that it’s a selfish move.

Couldn't be bothered to think it through fully because they needed a holiday…so other guests should have their holiday experience affected because someone didn’t take the time to consider taking a 5 month old baby on holiday might be challenging and cause arguments? Riiiiight.

I’d hope you’d go to an adults only resort or a child-unfriendly location then, since small children and babies do exist in the world and sometimes join their families on holiday or a night in a hotel.

@PixieLaLar most hotels offer cribs because they expect people to want to take their baby on holiday with them. It's not selfish to take a child on holiday. Pre baby I wouldn't come to a family friendly hotel.