Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

Blimey OP,

You're getting a hard time here.

Me and my DH are long past the arguing phase, but god, when the DC were small and we were both exhausted, we were on short fuses.

Can't understand why anyone would report you based on what you've described.

But that’s because they decline invitations to go out, never have family round or even answer their front doors if some posters on here are to be believed 😆

@FanofLeaves I was thinking all these tv shows and movies are giving this unhealthy distortion, what with including arguments. The Mumsnet community are clearly all very well behaved in perfect relationships and resolve all issues by writing things down and having a silent discussion.

This! My goodness me, holiday with little children and sleep deprivation is very stressful (the irony) and I think a heated discussion isn’t uncommon! Certainly isn’t in my house - I think it’s a lot better than the classical repressed method people prefer in this country where they say nothing then despise each other 😀

Don't worry - it's not that unusual to be at the end of your tether when you have a baby and a partner not pulling his weight.

I haven’t read any posts that say they’ve never heard of a married couple arguing.

What is unusual, and many posts on this thread back this up, is to complain about people arguing. Someone heard the OP and felt it was disruptive/loud/concerning enough to complain and then the manager felt it warranted a further follow up comment. That’s unusual. It wasn’t just a conversationally loud sentence or two.

Has anyone said that?

Honestly, this place is becoming more and more ridiculous.

I would shout if I went on a first holiday with my husband and baby and he left me to do most of the work.

Raising your voice is not the end of the world. Yes, ideally it wouldn't have happened in a hotel but shit happens, sometimes.

I hope he listened to you properly, OP. He should be pulling his weight.

What do you want from this thread OP? None of us were there so we can’t say whether the person who reported you was reasonable or not.

You have to look at your own relationship and the way you handle disagreements and make a judgement as to whether it’s healthy or not. Maybe ask a trusted friend who knows you both for an outside opinion.

Or maybe we are mature enough to control it when we're in a hotel room with thin walls where people around us are paying for a relaxing break.

I went on holiday to France with a friend and her baby when my DS was 5 months - it wasn't stressful, I didn't need half the house. i brought some nappies with me, got more over there, I was breastfeeding and it was before I introduced solids.

I hope you don't put other parents of babies off going on holiday - I found it a great time to travel - baby didn't need a seat, which is a big plus, I was on mat leave and clothes were tiny, so easy to pack, and easy to wash in the sink and dry on the balcony.

I think the hotel staff are looking out for you, and being supportive, not being judgemental.

@TheSnowyOwl I don't have evidence that someone complained and the manager wasn't doing a further follow up. The manager brought up how he would argue with his partner about their children, I didn't know if it was because someone reported hearing the argument me and my partner had. So this situation you're creating is not reflective of what actually happens which was a conversation level argument with my getting frustrated at one point.

People aren’t saying they never argue with their partners but they recognise that when you are paying to be on holiday for a relaxing break the last thing you want to hear next door to you is an arguing couple with a baby.

I also think it’s quite unhealthy to think it’s fine shouting because “It's not exactly like things were being thrown”. I’m not surprised someone reported it.

And yes I do stay in adult only resorts for these sort of reasons.

@Naptimeagain how useful, I was hoping the, my child is perfect and I could breastfeeding without any issue and got loads of sleep and loved my holiday, crew would turn up. Great to know it's abnormal to have a baby that at 5 months isn't as easy to look after as a hamster.

Poor woman

Babies are fine to be next door to. A potential domestic abuse or just bog standard couple at one another like an episode of EastEnders, with or without too much alcohol in hot weather situation? Not fine at all.

They were checking in on you and letting you know that your shouting was heard - could have been the domestic staff outside (as they don't just work for twenty minutes at the beginning of the day, they have duties often throughout hotels for several hours), could have been somebody next door, could have been anybody within earshot concerned for your wellbeing.

@PixieLaLar excellent I won't be bumping into you for the next 18 years then.

Like I said, they perhaps didn’t realise what it’s like with a young baby on holiday as they’ve never done it before.

I don’t think it’s selfish, it’s presumably a child friendly hotel and surely the other guests are aware that families will be there on booking.

if someone wants silence after a certain time on holiday they should look into a private villa.

@NeverDropYourMooncup "potential domestic abuse" oh give over. You are trivializing DA with these kind of comments.

There's a lot of assholes on this thread, kicking a tired woman with a baby and a selfish husband when she's down.

This post makes me think I don't blame you for shouting. He's the baby's dad, he doesn't get to just hand her to you when it's too much hassle. How convenient for him that he's "very limited in what he can do!" Fucking hell, some men are useless.

If you were just talking and it was heard next door then you'd have also heard them talking when they rang to report it.

No I don't ever shout at anybody and I don't tolerate anybody shouting at me. That doesn't mean we don't disagree or argue, it means we still speak to each other respectfully.

Behaving in such a way that impacts people outside of your room isn't OK.

That said, I also wouldn't tolerate your partner being limited in what he can do with your baby either.

It's pretty embarrassing to have someone come up and check on you like that I imagine but don't read too much into it. They were doing their jobs and showing an appropriate level of care.

Somewhere between you shouting and the manager hearing about it it's perhaps been exaggerated a bit and they were just checking.in.

Probably in the (mistaken) hope that it would actually be a chance to relax a bit. A mistake I suspect quite a lot of us have made.

But it turns out to be just as much work as being at home, but you're stuck together in one room and can't escape from each other.