Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

@Caravaggiouch "screaming matches"? If I had a screaming match I wouldn't be surprised to be reported, so I take it that you have voted for YANBU, thanks for the input.

Equally why would you want to be in the rooms next to someone who thinks it normal and acceptable to shout at their partner. Most people are considerate of those around them.

They have to check all incidents in their rooms as if all married couples start shouting at each other it will become a shit hole. No I have never yelled at my husband or sons in a hotel room .

Nope, it wasn’t a normal conversation volume. You said in your opening post you “shouted” at him, and “someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.”

You were shouting loud enough you thought someone in the next room had heard and reported it. That’s what you made the thread about.

Shouting like that isn’t normal. As all other posters have said. You need to get help and stop this behaviour before your child is old enough to witness it.

I don't really understand why you've gone on holiday at all to be honest.

I think people are being a bit holier than thou on this thread. I don't think it's otherworldly to get a bit irritable when sleep deprived and looking after a young child. Mumsnet is a strange and fascinating place sometimes. Some people make every excuse for bad behaviour from male partners but the moment a woman is less than perfect, there's a massive uproar.

Gosh I’ve shouted when tired and stressed, not ideal, but it happens. And I’ve heard both my neighbours shouting at times too. Please don’t feel shame that you lost your temper, you are human and by the sounds of it, completely over-stretched and exhausted.

Hope you are OK OP. Travelling with a baby is stressful - meal times, managing naps around activities, dealing with new environments and no routine. It's far from relaxing.

I come from a family where everyone shouts so this sounds totally normal to me - parents regularly argued in front of us and my brother and I are both fine. My partner is completely different and never shouts/raises his voice and so I don't either, but it was a massive eye opener for me when we first got together.

Don't feel bad and try to move past it and have a good time. I would say we constantly bickered probably the first 6 months over silly things about the baby just because we were both so shattered! Ironically the only time we got on with each other was on holiday. This time will pass and you'll find your flow.

@BlueSlate0 at one point I got annoyed and raised my voice. Balcony doors were open hence me feeling they heard. So everyone that has ever got annoyed and raised their voice needs to seek anger management do they? Nobody else with a 5 month old is sleep deprived and stressed? If I go and seek help for doing the vast majority of childcare's they will think it's because of an innate issue with me that can be fixed?

Maybe it was just the maid who heard you and mentioned it to the manager? I would never have gone away with a baby, it's stressful enough at home! I wouldn't worry about it OP, but it sounds like you need more help from DH, is he lacking confidence?

Christ some of you have got your knives out tonight. Nothing on tv?

@FarmGirl78
That's ok, the chance of me going on holiday with you, a complete stranger is nil anyway. Your comment is so helpful and appropriate to the thread topic as well.

I guess it really depends on what was said how it was said the choice of language etc - if you were effing and jeffing and liberally using the c word then if I was staying in the room next door then yes I'd probably mention it to the hotel

Would you have preferred your neighbours to come and speak to you themselves?

you were loud enough for them to hear take it on the chin and move on. Your holiday already sounds very stressful don’t let this be another thing to get in the way of you relaxing

I agree that you do come across as argumentative and that’s just on a silent thread! Honestly, it’s not normal for someone to be reported in a hotel for shouting. No matter how defensive you are about it being normal and justifiable, you need to look at how you come across to others and consider whether you really want to be perceived as the sort of person that causes either complaint calls or welfare calls to be made to management.

@onefinalhurdle no of course that wasn't the case, there weren't swear words, there wasn't prolonged raised voices or screaming. It was a disagreement over the
way the workload is split and the criticism
I get. And I raised my voice at one part.

What was said in loud voices?

You are just assuming the maid and the hotel manager were referencing your argument. If it was so slight I don't understand why you would jump to that conclusion. Just forget about it if the argument was no big deal.

I don't think the neighbours knew, nor cared what your family circumstances were. If they heard raised voices they probably reported it to get some peace and quiet.

Of course people shout at their partners sometimes but you obviously annoyed someone who has paid good money for a relaxing holiday.

Don't worry about it. Try and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

@Bumblebeeinatree I think the maid probably wasn't that unusual. It was just the manager mentioning the arguments he has with his wife that I found quite unusual.

Wow no I don’t think that’s normal either. You’re meant to be MORE relaxed on holiday. I wouldn’t have reported anything but would probably just have raised my eyebrows at DH. Unless it was nighttime and we couldn’t sleep but doesn’t sound like it was.

This. Have respect for the people through the wall, as well. Just don’t shout - communicate yes but no shouting. It’s not necessary.

OP, unlike most people on here, I think arguing with your partner when you have a new baby is common. It's a massive strain on a relationship.

Erghhh why do people take babies on bloody holiday anyway? If I was stuck in a room next to a couple arguing who also had a baby (extra noise whether you believe so or not) I would be pissed off too.