Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

@Withswitch I can't do this as the baby needs to be with me all the time, we only did the crèche today and I can't afford more sessions. My partner is very limited with what he can do, any issue and the baby is passed straight to me.

This. God people are sanctimonious on here. Not one poster has ever raised their voice at their partner, when shattered with a new baby.

I have sometimes shouted at my DH and I have sometimes shouted at my DCs. But tbh I don’t think it’s overstepping for someone to report it if it’s happening in a hotel.

Yeh I wonder if they have complained
In general saying there is 'lots of noise' coming from your room, and used baby noise and argument as examples/reasons to complain.
I get what ya mean about the argument OP.
I agree that people probably not pleased to hear these things when they're trying to relax on holiday, and I would go out of your way to avoid any further disturbance but in terms of making you feel like you have some abnormal unhealthy relationship because you argued then I think please ignore all that. It's immensely stressful having a baby and first holiday etc, I get it

Of course I’ve lost my temper but then I snap at DH. Shouting is different, especially when it’s so loud that people in an adjoining room can hear.

I would have reported you too 🤷🏽‍♀️

@PossiblyNow it was the daytime and very quiet and the balcony door was open. As was the neighbouring room's balcony doors I assume.

I think basically what's happened here is people's definition/perception of 'shouting' is different

It's amazing how many people on MN never shout. You must be saints! DH and I do snap and get into heated 'discussions' sometimes, which are short lived and quickly apologised for and forgotten, but at least it clears the air!

It is definitely not unusual to argue when you're tired and stressed new parents. I'm sure the hotel staff understand this and were trying to let you know in a tactful way that you could be heard by other guests.

OP to answer your question yes I do lose my temper and I do shout at my dh. It’s something that I am working on, together with HRT! However, I have only ever shouted in our detached house and I would never ever shout in a hotel room: I’m careful never to even speak loudly in a hotel room as I think it is poor form to disturb others.

yes I think you have been reported but YABU if you think the hotel is out of line; they sound very tactful in now they’re handling it.

They may be aware there is aa. Baby and checking tbere is no DV

Would you rather live in a world where this wasn't picked up by someone? Where people didn't give a shit? I wouldn't.

I’d report someone in this situation especially if I thought there might be a baby in the room too.

I think you might need to rethink your and your DH’s conflict styles. Nothing wrong with having a disagreement to sort out the issues you are clearly experiencing or else frustration and resentment seeps in but if it gets to shouting level then clearly either he needs to work on his listening skills or you on your explaining skills (but I suspect him based on the issues you raised).

Why wouldn’t the neighbours affected complain? Your fight was affecting their holiday enjoyment.

Small babies and hotels just don't mix to be honest.

Most hotels are set up in such a way that it is really easy to hear what is going on in the next room - hence all the signs in airport hotels etc saying please be quiet in the corridors.

Normal adult level conversation can often be heard very clearly in the next room. Many adults for this reason are deliberately quiet in hotel rooms.

Babies don't have a volume switch and in a hotel can often be heard by others, which makes it very stressful staying in a hotel with one because you need to get to them at the first squeak not to piss everyone else off.

This is obviously very stressful as you can't just leave them to fuss for even 2 minutes at 3am.

We rented self catering houses for a while when ours were young (I had twins) as honestly toddler tantrums in a hotel are even worse.

I'm guessing you've paid some hard earned money to be on holiday, why would you spend it arguing? I'd go out of my way to avoid any conflict to have a good time.

Amazing that not a single person here has ever lost their temper, regardless of what situation they have doing themselves in.
Of course people have, but we are generally aware of our surroundings. I would not be shouting if there was people in a room next to me.
I can't recall ever shouting at dh. I've been annoyed with him, of course, but I've never had to shout.

YANBU Op. People on here are bloody hilarious. I have most definitely shouted at my husband infront of my child and whilst it's not great, it happens. Having a baby and dealing with a husband can be stressful and it's ok that you shouted. Maybe try to express yourself in a less angry way next time though.

@90yomakeuproom have you been away with a baby, do you remember having to remember to pack most of the house and try to manage the feeding, nappies, crying in a new and different place? How was it when you had to do all of this and got very little help, did you avoid the conflict and keep doing it when exhaustion hit? Or did you try to have a conversation with your other half to try and alleviate some pressure? Great advice avoid conflict and keep going until you can't go anymore and are run completely into the ground, that's the best way right, swallow those feelings.

Oh come on! Some of this is so holier than thou. ‘I’ve had 5 children and I’ve NEVER so much as raised my voice to my partner’.

Please. OP states the baby wasn’t in the room.

And yes I have shouted at my husband on holiday with my baby of a similar age, because he deemed it acceptable to let me get up at 5am every morning and all the night wakings, do all the same things in regards to catering and tidying as I would do at home, and bugger off to play pool and drink beer of an evening. You bet I shouted, he’s lucky he’s not still there buried in Center Parcs woods. Thankfully he took it on board and I’ve not shouted at him since, but yes I snapped, loudly.

OP if you are looking for support you are sadly unlikely to find it here.

I call bullshit on all of this “myself and my dh have never ever shouted and never ever would and instead we tickle each other with ostrich feathers when we are peeved”. I live on a row of terraced houses; couples shout.

Course I have. But never so badly or loudly that a fellow hotel guest has complained about me. I don’t think that makes me sanctimonious, just not someone who goes in for prolonged screaming matches with my DH.

Reminded me of a holiday I had, could hear the family in the next room, the mum shouting ‘I’ve had enough of you lot, you can all fuck off! Just fuck off!!’

@Yupppp this is what I have experienced as well, I have seen and heard arguments a lot in various places. Like someone else said there is a difference between getting annoyed and raising a voice and screaming, there was no screaming, nothing to suggest this wasn't just a standard couples argument. It appears most people commenting don't argue though and spend their lives tip toeing around each other and accepting things that should be divided more equally.

Not an angel but I have three young children and DH and I have never ended up in a shouting situation when away on holiday. I don’t think regular shouting is normal in relationships and I don’t think children should be subjected to their parents doing it either.

Why, nothing the OP has said suggests it was anything like that.