Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

God almighty. Yeah, live sex show for pre-teens is better than them hearing someone briefly yell at her husband.

The lengths these posters will go to in order to ensure OP keeps feeling like shit.

Why are you asking AIBU? Everyone thinks you are, but you still don't agree.

Pointless thread if you're not going to listen.

My point is though, me saying "don't give a sh*t" could be said in anger or in every day. My DH knows that and won't take it any differently because it's a phrase he hears regularly. It's a phrase he uses regularly.

If, however, I called him a horrible man, or shouted at him, said he was vile or nasty etc. He'd take that as an insult. Because it would be one.

If I was talking to a stranger or someone within my circle that I know feels differently about swearing than I do, I wouldn't use those words. Even in anger.

And show me the "torturous detail". I said, as many others have, that I don't think it's normal to shout.

This is the torturous detail.

Why is it so important to you that everyone knows not only that you think OP is abnormal but, in addition, that your relationship is normal and intrinsically better?

Some of us are more concerned that an already struggling new mum has been lambasted left right and centre when she came looking for support. Are you happy to be a part of that?

Why is it so important to you to tell me that I'm also not normal? And why just me, why not every other person who has said it's not normal, or that they do something different? Loads of people have responded in the same way but you're only interested in tearing me down.

I won't be responding anymore, as I'm off to look after my child and spend time with my husband. Who I might call a knob today but I won't shout at. Whether than makes me normal or not.

It’s not just you 🙄I have commented on the widespread appalling behaviour on this thread. I engaged with you, amongst others, because you specifically said OP wasn’t normal. Bit rich to play the ‘poor me’ card though after you’ve been part of a pile-on.

The reason I’m still arguing is because I’m actually defending someone who could be quite vulnerable. Same can’t be said for you and those others who’ve recently joined in just to kick OP.

If a was a man shouting at a woman loud enough for people to hear from other rooms I’d be concerned, it shouldn’t be any different for a woman shouting at a man.

Me and my partner bicker a lot, holidays are stressful but I don’t ever recall us shouting at each other - especially in front of the children

At the start I thought you were in the wrong for shouting, but after reading your comments about how useless and critical your partner has been I can understand. I'd definitely have snapped at him too. Critising you to the baby is un-excusable. He sounds like a waste of space and that he's manipulating you to feel bad by constantly putting you down. That's a form of abuse, whittling away at your self esteem until you have none left, so you'll never have the guts to leave him.

Try to enjoy the rest of your holiday. Give him the baby and go for a walk. He's the father, he's not babysitting, he's doing his duty. Once you're home, you need to have a serious think about how he treats you and talks to you, and have a talk with him. Hopefully he'll see what an arse he's been.

That’s what I thought! Sex is all very well as a PRIVATE event.

Imagine sitting round as a family listening in: “ Ah I think she may be nearing climax by the sounds of it . What do you think dcs? “

As you say .., the contortions are mind-boggling. And as for the posters who shunt themselves into the role of victim of the thread …

I’m mostly just alarmed that OP was driven away.

Are we still pretending that loud obnoxious arguments in public are normal?

I'm not perfect. I've lost my temper and DH has been in zero doubt that I've been absolutely fucking livid with him.

But thankfully I wasn't so starved of attention as a child that I needed to performatively let every poor fucker in a 100 yard radius know exactly how I feel as well.

What do you gain from this venom you’re spitting everywhere?

And you are arguing in public on here.

Or is it just the loud voice that’s the problem and not the content, which, as this poster has pointed out, is truly venomous.

Why would you want to cast aspersions on people who were starved of attention as a child? Lucky old you if you weren’t - though we still haven’t sorted out why the venom?

Humour me, why's it "truly venomous" to dislike public screeching matches and to expect people to have a modicum of decorum around third parties?

The answer to this has two parts ( so you will be doubly humoured).

You made a pretty direct inference that being starved of attention as a child would cause the behaviour you are denigrating. That is both an attempt to be derogatory about people who have suffered childhood neglect but also just a massive unsupported assumption.

Secondly, this was done in the context of a thread where you know OP shouted and is worried she has been overheard and is therefore tantamount to ridiculing her for suffering emotional neglect as a child ( which is either just not true so unfair, or true, so cruel. )

That explain it and tickle your funny bone?

S they e iw

I made an implication, you made the inference.

But regardless, I stand by the general notion that shouty public arguments are crass, undignified, and a grossly unfair imposition on the innocent third parties you're dragging into your attention seeking ways. Unless you're literally shouting for help, private lives should be exactly that.

Edited to add: deliberately causing a public scene and involving others to embarrass and shame your partner into relenting is a common abuse tactic. Not accusing OP of that by any stretch, but I'm very curious as to why you are so defensive of that tactic.

She wasn’t seeking attention: she was distraught.

That’s what has been so unkind about this thread. She was reaching out in a position of difficulty and everyone took it as a chance to parade their superior restraint and lack of “crassness.”

… except in terms of their comments they didn’t show much restraint at all .

First holiday with our kids I didn’t shout at my partner to the extent the manager came and had a word with us. So no it’s not normal.

Most women will shout at their husband when they feel overwhelmed. It is very nice to pretend otherwise, but nonsense.
Of course, they will not do this in company. When it is a semi-public place, such as a hotel, it woudl take extreme conditions. In this case, not only are there extreme conditions, but the extreme conditions are because of his actions.

Yes, because all actions provoke the exact same response every time. 🙄

Or, no one happened to hear when you did have a disagreement. Or, there was no overly attentive/concerned manager to check on you. Or you’re just looking to have a dig at a distressed mother. Take your pick.

@mrsdineen2

But regardless, I stand by the general notion that shouty public arguments are crass, undignified, and a grossly unfair imposition on the innocent third parties you're dragging into your attention seeking ways.

It wasn’t a ‘public’ argument; it was overheard from a hotel room.

Yes, generally speaking it isn’t great to have a loud argument in public. Or semi-public. We all know this. That’s partly why OP was so mortified. As you know.

Why oh why must people like you use this as an excuse to bray about how much more dignified you are? Just why?

You’re not helping anyone. You can’t possibly know how far OP was pushed. No one is supporting the general notion that shouting in public is good. Why on earth would you even say that unless it was to shore up your hateful attack on OP?Just what is your problem?

Its very interesting reading some posts who say that they have never shouted at their DH. Very interesting. I personally find that hard to believe.

YABU firstly for disturbing other guests and secondlg gor being annoyed people checked on you. Just because things weren't thrown doesnt mean you didn't disturb other guests and how were the hotel staff to know it was only verbal without checking.

You should be apologising for your behaviour not annoyed at other people checking on you