Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

I don’t think anyone was triggered.

I think you got push-back because of the context.

OP was posting because she was distressed. She was vulnerable in the sense that she was away from home, exhausted with a young baby, her DH was not only not helping but being actively antagonistic about her mothering, she then believed the manager, maid and other guests were also judging her, and, to top it off, she reached out on here for reassurance that it wasn’t so bad and instead got a volley of criticism. As other posters pointed out, it wasn’t unlikely she was also suffering from PND. The context wasn’t a poster throwing open the discussion about shouting as a form of release out of sheer interest and from the comfort of their sofa. Rather, she needed reassurance and kind words and some of us were seeking to de-escalate the situation for her - not rub in how poorly people must be thinking of her. Against that background posters chirping on about how they never shout seemed a bit tone-deaf. I don’t think the people saying the incident wasn’t a big deal were defending their own behaviour: they were thinking of OP and what she must be feeling.

Anyeay, she hasn’t come back to the thread and I hope she is well.

👍

We are aware other people don't like them. We don't use them outside of our own little bubble of the two of us. But they are words that help us express what we need to.

And if I am not allowed to say what's not normal, then please don't tell me I'm "certainly" not normal because you get offended by letters being in a certain order.

Wow so many people on this thread are so incredibly judgemental and self righteous. I’ve got two young children and have definitely snapped and raised at my voice to my husband when tired, fed up, on my last nerve! I would always consider my children and do it away from them.
OP people may have just been looking out for you/baby, try not to let it get to you and enjoy your holiday. Holidays with babies can be stressful at times.. but try and have a great time!

@holidaybliss if it makes you feel any better, my husband & I have shouted at each other on more than a handful of occasions since having our daughter. We are constantly stressed, sleep deprived going on 2+years now, our daughter is a ‘high needs child’ & pretty challenging at times & we have no support network, oh yea & we both work full time…so yeaaaa we do shout sometimes, because we are human.
I’m actually shocked at the number of people on here saying they don’t.
Pre-baby I could regulate my emotions a lot better, but now it’s pretty hard with so many ongoing demands.

I think it's totally normal to be concerned, especially for the welfare of the baby, if you heard the parents shouting at each other.

It's not unreasonable for the hotel staff to keep an eye & ear out for exactly the same reason. I'm sure the other hotel guests felt very uncomfortable.

That's so sad, that a couple enjoying their holiday and each other through a perfectly natural enjoyment of each other's bodies are considered to be having a greater negative impact on children (who are old enough to have had enough RSE at school to know what it's all about) than a couple modelling managing conflict badly 😕 I know which couple I'd rather my children grew up to be part of.

You’re allowed to ‘say what’s normal’ but don’t expect people to take you seriously!

My sarcasm was clearly lost on you though…

My point was, it’s absurd to call out perfectly ordinary stuff as ‘not normal’ but then claim nonsense like ‘swear words aren’t offensive’ when that’s literally part of their dictionary definition and their reason for existing! Duh!

Shouting so someone can hear "DARLING I NEED A TOWEL" is one thing, shouting AT someone is another.

Whoever reported you was rightly concerned for the baby and/or parents welfare - they arent blessed with x-ray vision to know baby was in the creche.

Theyd also be within their rights to complain because no one wants to listen to someones barny when theyre on holiday trying to relax.

If you don't want noise complaints dont make a racket!

Very much this.

Ew, I only read up to page 3 but you are all vile. Mumsnet is literally the worst. Byeeeeee

So you’ve had a baby with a lazy, abusive partner. You have much bigger problems.

Stop trying to deflect and accept responsibility for your wrong actions.

How have you reached the point of being old enough to be a mum but still so immature that you cannot communicate with your partner without shouting?

I dont believe them for one minute unless like many others have said, they are quietly bottling up and stewing. It's completely human and normal to let off a bit of steam and dare I say healthy from time to time. Who are these people? They think they're shit doesn't stink!

@Voodoohoodoyoudo, I hope your sons do not shoult at their significant others or women generally?
Most men have to learn to express or let out their feelings without shouting, so it is not either shout or bottle it up. Men that do use shout are being abusive.
That said, a woman should at her man is not the same thing and fairly common, either because of something he has done or because of feeling overwhelmed.

So you're saying it's alright for women to shout but not men?

Have I read that correctly?

Firstly my sons are under 7,
Secondly that's the biggest load of sexist BS I've ever heard

Not one person on mn has ever shouted it would appear. I don't shout often, it takes a lot, but it's not unheard of.

Well, I hope your sons learn not to shout at women.

If that woman is being out of order then he should express it just the same as it would be if it was the other way round. So you're saying it's okay for women to shout at men only? Wtf. SMH

Didn't say they weren't. Said we don't consider them offensive. Because they are just words. The intent and tone behind them are much more important than the actual word.

It is not outside of the realms of "normal" banter between friends to affectionately say "oh f off" or "you b". If it's a thing you both do and the tone is right, it's not offensive. However if I shouted at DH (although I don't) "get out of here you HORRIBLE man", much more offensive than playfully calling him a knb.

I said a man shouting at a woman is typically far more serious than vice versa. Which you know to be true. It is also rarer because people, including you, know this.

Oh behave! That's absolute rubbish. One isn't more serious than the other. What planet are you from? 😳

This example is not at all along the lines of what you said at all; you previously gave an example in which you swore at your husband in anger not as banter.

Carry on arguing black is white if you like though.

Just maybe give a moment’s thought to the fact that OP is a struggling young mum who lost her temper briefly at her feckless husband and your priority is to come on here and explain in torturous detail how you’re, essentially, better than she is.