To think most women on here hate men

[Tanyahawkes]

Sorry for the rant but I’m noticing a pattern on mn, any post involving a man and a disagreement results in multiple calls of he’s a narcissist, he’s abusing, he’s controlling, leave the bastard!

I’ll admit that a list of posts do involve behaviour that is not nice from dh and dp. So many posts also can be interpreted in many ways too, I just feel like a large number of women jump to the worst conclusion first about a strangers partner, having only one side of a story told in a short version.

for anyone misunderstanding me, if a post says the partner is hurting physically, calling names, cheating, putting the op down, then yes I agree, ltb (so long as the post is true) it’s when a post says “great relationship, today partner upset me and we couldn’t see eye to eye” and everyone calls the poor guy a narcissist etc

If you’re used to women grinning and bearing it, then it can be a bit shocking when you first see them saying nah, we don’t have to put up with this.

How is it speculation when OP outright says that he is bad tempered? Even if it was speculation, isn't that also exactly what you're doing too? Why is it ok for you to speculate but no one else?

The OP mentions that her husband has a propensity for losing his temper over everything. In the first three lines! This is not a one off argument I suspect. Not even read the rest of it.

The man in that thread

*Shouted unnecessarily at this pregnant wife

*Carried on when asked to stop

*Carried on further in a ‘calm - I’m telling you to be utterly humbled/embarrassed by your behaviour - manner

*Started emotionally blackmailing the op because she dared look for space

*Became instantly emotionally cold/threw divorce out since she hadn’t obviously fully taken on board how awful she should feel after he told her, and then had the tenacity to want space

*Will not discuss what happened, just wants the op to accept how wrong she was from his point

*Is now sulking

The whole opening post is a parade of red flags and quite unbelievable to think this is a good guy having a bad day…

Like I’ve said, he might be an abusive bastard, maybe op will reveal something that makes me change my mind on that situation, maybe this is the start of the shit for the woman and he will get worse. But maybe it’s just an argument that’s gone a bit wonky and he’s a genuinely decent guy.

Yes, completely agree. If he’s a decent guy they’ll sort this out, move on and live happily ever after.
If he’s not though, and women have to temper their views, the op may never have the chance to realise that he’s a wanker, she’ll just think that this is how men behave and that’s ok, that’s her lot in life. We share our crappy experiences not to drag us down but to hopefully uplift others, help them to see that their inner feelings, that they might only be able to admit to online strangers, are real, and that it’s ok to question whether this man you married is really the right person to spend the rest of your days with.

This is why MN is great. Real women with real life experience going in with the nitty gritty and not pussy footing around placating mediocre men who spend their whole lives being pandered to and having their crap behaviour defended and dismissed, like the rest of the world seems to do!

Have you tagged the wrong person here and you meant to tag me?

just for clarification I am not blaming women for anything men do! If a man over reacts, that’s on him, if he abuses anyone, male, female, pet, child etc, then that is on him, bad behaviour is bad behaviour, no matter who does it. I’m just saying that not all behaviour is bad behaviour

It's one thing to pick up on men's failings, but the inability of so many mners to look at their own behaviour and recognise that they might not be as perfect as they are convinced to be is quite staggering.

Even when they do, the problem is never because of their behaviour but always that of the men.

The reality in life is that both men and women do their best but both can fail each other. It's very rarely as black and white as mners like to pretend.

Everything you have said is perfect. Nobody should be pandering to men and allowing them to act like overgrown babies or be bullying nasty pieces of shit, I’ve had the relationship where I was expected to do everything, including bumping down the stair on my bum with a baby because I broke my ankle and my ex was still sleeping instead of getting up to help me with a baby of 8-9 months old. I’ve had the screaming in my face that I’m a fucking baby because I cried during an argument, I’ve had the selfish behaviour of an ex sat on his Xbox all day and spending money on himself but I was meant to just be happy with never getting things. I’ve had boyfriends controlling me, finances and trying to tell me how to parent my child when they aren’t her parent, who also thought he could grab me to scare me. I’ve also had 11 years with a wonderful bloke who’s ex controlled and verbally abused him, with held sex, financially fucked him over with control, etc. my partner and I have had blazing arguments, both said stupid stuff and over reacted, because we are human, not just me, him aswell, he’s human and he makes mistakes at times, but he’s not abusing me when he does make a mistake, he adores me, he has made changes to his behaviour for me, and stuck to changes as he recognised it wasn’t ok. That’s all I’m saying. Sometimes wrong behaviour can be changed, sometimes it’s not outright abuse

100000000% honestly I was starting to feel as though I must have grown an extra head as I seem to be so different from others on here, and before anyone shoots me down, I agree with a hell of a lot of what everyone on here is saying, and I agree with a lot of replies on posts

I absolutely agree. Smallest problem and everyone is shouting at OPs to leave their husbands. Not understanding that we're told the story only from a single point of view.

Eg I had a strange patch couple months post partum where I thought DH and I had a problem with something when it wasn't really a problem. But in my head it was really big at the time. Sometimes people can be stressed about work etc etc and it might skew their views of everything else.

Fair enough when there are serious reasons to leave but it's sad that people think the best decision is to leave even if said couple has only a small dispute.

No, I was agreeing with that poster's words!

I think that women quite often don't really see how subtle it is, this ingrained misogyny. I actually think that a lot more of it is bad behaviour than we recognise, on the whole. I know I've done it myself, we all have I am sure.

I can believe if a woman posted that her husband moaned she didn’t empty the hoover, comments could potentially be “red flag” “does he moan often about things you haven’t done?” “Why couldn’t he do it? You aren’t his mum”

I should have posted something derogatory about my partner, would have got so much more support 🤣 nah all kidding aside, as I’ve said 1000 times on this post, most posts are actually about abusive arseholes. They do deserve all the hate

with held sex

So her not always wanting to sleep with your supposedly wonderful boyfriend makes her as horrible as an ex that makes you crawl downstairs and physically grabs you? The rest of what you say has an undertone to it as well. Like your partner has crossed the line beyond usual arguments but since you’ve excused it as ‘well he could (apparently) change so why doesn’t every woman give shitty behaviour a chance just in case their other half is also super duper sorry…’

Its a very telling post this one.

Of course we have all done it, once I was free of my ex I could see how I had been treated, it wasn’t as bad as other women have it, but it was not good in the slightest. I just hope so many of these women on mn do find decent men one day to show them how good life can be

Lol I like the post where a man is explaining that he doesn't see that on here then someone quotes him saying "thanks for the mansplaining bro" honestly there are some right nobs on here

No, I don't hate men. And I'm a radical feminist. And I think not enough women on here are clear sighted about men, they have the most depressingly low bar.

Don’t read into my post things that aren’t there, one ex didn’t help with child, a different ex grabbed me, my partner wasn’t bugging his ex for sex, I’ve been with him long enough to know how he is sexually, he’s not a pest, she used sex to control him, and I won’t divulge details on that as it’s personal to him. You can judge my bloke all you like by the standards of other blokes, but you would be wrong.

my partner is not perfect, neither am I, there has been plenty of fuck ups in arguments, but we both love each other to work on our relationship, we both love each other to make changes. It’s a partnership

Yes I honestly thought that was so rude to say that to the guy, he didn’t deserve that at all

I do pretty much hate men as a class yeah. I don't care what anyone thinks of me for that, once you've been assaulted and harassed by multiple men, causing you ptsd, you do tend to stop giving a fuck if people think you're a man hater. Pretty much all human made suffering in the world can be attributed to the patriarchy and male anger. How many wars were started by women? How many women are killed every year by men? How many rapes occur every year, carried out by men?

On mn specifically, if a man is acting like a complete dickhead to his family, i don't think the woman has any particular responsibility to try and fix him or to give him multiple seconds chances. He should be fixing himself and doing the work on himself, not forcing a woman to do the work for him.

I have the opposite problem tbh. My Ex is kind, gentle, hardworking, does his share of housework. My current DP is a sweetheart, does whatever I ask, has an anarchic SOH and can reduce me to tears of laughter, generous and easygoing. Do I swap him for another sweetie who seems to have all these qualities?? 🤔

honestly that’s not it from my point of view, I will always be more shocked at putting up with crap than standing up for yourself, I lived with my mum always flying off the handle at blokes, if she was a little hurt she would get in there first, due to abuse, she didn’t want to give a chance for anyone to do that again, so she sometimes got it wrong and over reacted to things, would kick guys out for the smallest thing. Sometimes they deserved to be told to fuck off, other times maybe they stopped to get petrol and were a few min late, so they must be screwing around “get out”

Well, appreciate we're only getting one side of things, but based on a lot of posts on here the impression I have is of a depressingly high number of women who are married to / in a relationship with, complete arseholes - and I don't say that lightly, it's genuinely surprising and so depressing that there are apparently this number of men out there who treat their partners, who are very often the mothers of their children, so appallingly.

So really based on so many of the posts on here I think actually many many men hate women, rather than the other way around. But then we already know that don't we based upon the number of men who we know assault, rape and murder women.

No one is perfect. But then expecting respect, honesty etc from someone is hardly expecting perfection.

I don't expect my husband to be perfect but he sure as hell wouldn't be my husband if he acted like the one in the link you posted.

I’m sorry you went through any of that, I can see that would make you dislike men if most of your experiences have been bad

I would guess MN posters tend to skew older and if they're anything like me they've become jaded.

Men start wars, they kill and abuse women they marry and they kill other men.

The ones that aren't killing, are benefiting from a system weighted in their favour. It's rare to find a man who not only accepts that, but actively kicks back against it.

I've met "good guys" who have sat quietly while women are objectified or misogynistic language is used.

So I don't hate men. But I'm over their domination of the planet and the women on it.