To think most women on here hate men

[Tanyahawkes]

Sorry for the rant but I’m noticing a pattern on mn, any post involving a man and a disagreement results in multiple calls of he’s a narcissist, he’s abusing, he’s controlling, leave the bastard!

I’ll admit that a list of posts do involve behaviour that is not nice from dh and dp. So many posts also can be interpreted in many ways too, I just feel like a large number of women jump to the worst conclusion first about a strangers partner, having only one side of a story told in a short version.

for anyone misunderstanding me, if a post says the partner is hurting physically, calling names, cheating, putting the op down, then yes I agree, ltb (so long as the post is true) it’s when a post says “great relationship, today partner upset me and we couldn’t see eye to eye” and everyone calls the poor guy a narcissist etc

It's quite amazing how many people had to come onto Mumsnet before they realised women are capable of being rude on the Internet. And you think this is shocking and hateful and a terrible sign? Did you join the Internet yesterday?

Have you ever seen a death or rape threat on here?

So what if it is?

Reddit, X etc are full of misogyny. Why shouldn't a predominantly female site be more for women.

Maybe with held is bad wording on my part, without going into his personal details I cannot explain the situation, and trust me, she is a toxic ex, the amount of shit we have had from her in 11 years (they had no kids, no house together etc, so no need for contact) is ridiculous. She still tries to contact him now, they split on bad terms, she will try and contact every now and then, she had kids now and is engaged, but she loves to contact to talk about old times, it’s a ploy for a bit of attention if not to get back with him. When I say she used sex for control, it’s not punishing him for being an arse but not having sex. Women can use sex as control, obviously it’s not the same as rape, but it’s still abusive

NAMALT.
Criticism of men for whatever reason = misandry.
'Women are nasty too'. (Albeit not amongst the 99+% of sexual offenders or the marginally larger, but still overwhelming minority, of violent offenders).

My MN bingo card is nearly full ...

A very pertinent post indeed.

Right. She's gone from "be nice to men" to "modify your speech and don't have human frailties I consider your conduct unbecoming". 🙄

What I find annoying at times is the assumptions made from what is not stated in on the post. If it relates to the woman (so normally the poster), it's always that there are good reasons, reasonable excuses, exceptional circumstances. However, the assumptions made to the man is always that he is selfish, greedy, a cock lodger, an abuser of any sort. They certainly never get the benefit of the doubt let alone given excuses.

Yep like clockwork

Yet another thread this week berating women for not being womanly, in the sweet, docile and modest sense, enough

@Tanyahawkes I may have missed it, but which thread has a heading "All Men Are Bad?" or similar I have missed? I think bar one or possibly two posters no one ever seems to say "I hate all men".
I certainly don't see swathes of that as a response in threads.

LTB is a classic MN trope - we are/were called vipers because we give men short shift, famously. There were quotes in papers and everything. Coming on here now and saying it's new is only showing your newness.

She?

my point is mostly about the good ones, sometimes they get treated like they are arseholes, for being human, seems the good men are getting a bad rep just for being male

Nope. I tell people to LTB all the time on here. Then I go over, kiss DH and give him a hug and he says, "oooo I'm getting all the love. Is some man being an arsehole on MN?" and usually he's right.

Women with good DHs who are loving, kind, hard-working and honest. We're the ones telling women with shitty men to leave. Because we know me aren't all like that, can be decent, and you can have strong boundaries and a good relationship.

And if women disagree, and want to stay, that's OK too. No one of leaving just because MN says so FFS.

Totally disagree I have observed the opposite. Genuinely rare that the Dh is in the right but when he is posters are quick to say so. The far more common scenario is where the woman is under playing truly dire dreadful abusive behaviour 🥲

Never once seen this on here as you describe it.
Seen plenty of apologists though, sometimes for really appalling, abusive behaviour too.

It's not "man hating" to tell a woman she isn't obliged to put up with a man's shit btw.

Honestly at a loss really as to what to say here, I’m obviously fighting a losing battle to get my point understood (I don’t mean agreed with, just listened to, VALIDATED)

I mean tbh if women are so much better than men, as is the impression I get. My opinion, which I believe the vibe is, women are entitled to, and I am a women, so if women are better than men, then why are we not superior enough to rise above their misogyny, why do so many stoop to the same level in revenge

Because @Tanyahawkes if we ask for equality and they ask for misogyny, and they hold most of the power, what we end up with is misogyny.

Fight the patriarchy. I do, and my DH is fully on board with it. I know certain posters love envoking the Word of a Man.

While I am fairly new to mn I’ve not actually said that it’s new that men are getting tarred with same brush sort of thing, I’ve also not said there is a man hating thread, I’ve said it’s a theme of as soon as a woman has an issue with her partner there is a loud cry of ltb

Are you just saying in your opinion all the women saying LTB are wrong and that she should stay? Can you give an example please?
It is rare there is just one thing their partner is doing that would result in LTB. It's far more usually a pattern of behaviour and often abuse. It takes a while for men to see it though, so don't beat yourself up about it, just try to re-frame your narrative and you'll see the reasonings.
Every day is a school day.

Equality is just that, equal, it seems as though the sales are tipping in the other direction from history, or at least posts on here. And yes I know, I know, it’s called MUMSNET, just that though, mums, not women’s net, women who don’t have or don’t plan to have children (for all reasons, be they choice, or heartbreaking reasons) are allowed on here, I’m sure transsexuals, transgender are also allowed on here, no matter if they identify as male or female or any other gender (this is not the start of a debate about trans rights) men are allowed on here but begrudgingly is the theme I’m getting. And I’m also noticing it’s “all women have a right to an opinion on here, so long as you are not going to give a pro men in any scenario opinion”

so the main vibe I’m getting on my post is, “ you are female, you are welcome, but fuck me, you cannot think men can be nice, not any man posted about on this website, it has to be the icing on the cake if a woman posts about her man. Must be abuse”

Yup.

Equality is just that, equal, it seems as though the sales are tipping in the other direction from history, or at least posts on here.

What world do you live in that you think a female oriented website centering women - by which we mean complaining about shitty male behaviour and encouraging women to leave horrible relationships - is an actual threat to societal equality? Tanya?

What are you smoking? And why aren't you sharing? Tanya?

Being rude on the internet and having strident views is not stooping to the same level in revenge.

Stooping to the same level would be reams of posts declaring how much we hate men, so we’re going to rape them/kill them to teach them a lesson. I’ve seen plenty of this from men, I’ve yet to see anything remotely similar from women.

Stooping to the same level would be putting structural inequalities in place and feeling oppressed when they wanted equality.

Stooping to their level would mean there being an equivalent number of men and boys sexually abused and harassed, number of men raped, number of men killed by their wives/girlfriends (think it’s around 2-3 per week?). The figures speak for themselves.

That’s what stopping to their level
would look like. Have you ever seen that? I haven’t.

What you’re seeing on MN is women speaking out freely, sometimes you might not like it, and you might disagree with what some say, but so what? That’s life, if you don’t like it scroll on.

You don’t need validation. Have strength of your own convictions and accept that not everyone will agree with you, and accept that MN possibly has a higher population of women who’ve been through the shit that they’re advising about.

I’ve linked the post, the man is said to have a temper, yes that could be code for he’s doing this a lot, but plenty of people will admit to a temper, doesn’t mean it’s directed at the wife all the time. She says they argue mostly because his temper, I’m not stupid, yes it might be aimed at her, but maybe his getting worked up because of something else, and they end up arguing, and yes he caused an argument with op because she twanged her belly stopping his niece from falling, it’s my opinions that according to 99% of posters on this (my post) I’m wrong to have my opinion, but it’s my opinion he MAY have been worried about wife and unborn child and reacted badly

Oh I get it now, this is just Goady Fuckery. Sigh.

I mean the OP has provided an example

Where a man massively over reacted, wouldn't back down, kept the argument going to the point where the OP was thinking she might have to get a hotel just to get some peace, then he threatened to leave her but wouldn't actually leave, then seems to be giving her the silent treatment

All whilst she is pregnant..

Oh and she's hurt herself and he seems unbothered by that, blames her for hurting herself (whilst stopping a child getting hurt) in case she injured the baby but has done nothing to look after her whilst she is in pain since other that keep her from lying down whilst he argues with her

Now it might be a one off and maybe he is a prince the rest of the time. But given abuse starts frequently around pregnancy it's not exactly the best example ever of women pointing out that a man is not a good partner when that man was screaming and shouting at his pregnant wife for stopping a child from falling...