To think most women on here hate men

[Tanyahawkes]

Sorry for the rant but I’m noticing a pattern on mn, any post involving a man and a disagreement results in multiple calls of he’s a narcissist, he’s abusing, he’s controlling, leave the bastard!

I’ll admit that a list of posts do involve behaviour that is not nice from dh and dp. So many posts also can be interpreted in many ways too, I just feel like a large number of women jump to the worst conclusion first about a strangers partner, having only one side of a story told in a short version.

for anyone misunderstanding me, if a post says the partner is hurting physically, calling names, cheating, putting the op down, then yes I agree, ltb (so long as the post is true) it’s when a post says “great relationship, today partner upset me and we couldn’t see eye to eye” and everyone calls the poor guy a narcissist etc

I'm sorry, but I genuinely don't understand what you mean about power?
I mean power to try to shut down the ones talking for the minority.

This statement that has been repeated over and over and used to want to shut down the discussion.
Yes, I do completely agree that the original assertion has been proven repeatedly to be incorrect

One trend that I gave felt is the disparity in the compassion towards female and male mental health.

If a female poster says that she's suffering from depression and anxiety and describe a situation when her partner has shown a lack of patience or irritation, the majority of responses reflect empathy for the poster writing that her partner is selfish and unkind.

However, when a female poster says that her partner is suffering from mental health issue causing him to be difficult, the response is mainly that mental health problem doesn't excuse poor behaviour and that the sympathy is with the poster.

There is a strong bias of empathy towards posters' feelings, so it can be pit down to this to some extent, but it goes beyond that and an overall perception that men should manage and control their mental health issues to not impose on their female partners whilst female with MH problems should be understood and supported overall.

Alternatively, when you present an opposing viewpoint, they can throw all their toys out of the pram and say "I'm reporting you!"
Yes, that always puzzle me. That would also falls under what I put under the reference of 'power'.

I think the feminist issues arouse strong responses because this is probably the only main stream site that is woman centred, where women can speak of their experiences of sexism and misogyny and sense check their relationship issues with other women. Given that, it's a bit frustrating when people insist on interrupting that to defend men (they don't need defending from MN, most barely register it exists much less care for our views) and try to force men's interests front and centre. Then there's a particular style, usually belittling, calling people man haters, or idiots or their points BS without saying why. And those childish posts peppered with silly cry laughing emojis in the midst of serious discussions. I think its understandable people get irritated and they get short shrift.

@5128gap, I see your point.

I interpreted the OP's intention on this thread to focus on 'gentle' threads where the poster just has an argument or disagreement with her partner and these turning into men are bad, ditch the jerk.

This is very different to debate about women's rights in society through history which this thread has seemed to turn into.

I do believe there is a discussion to be had about whether as a site, we are doing posters a favour by being so quick to conclude that what appears to be basically a disagreement amounts to male abuse of some sort and assumptions that it can only be the man in this instance at fault.

I think it would be more helpful to provide wider advice on trying to understand what triggered the argument in the first place and how both the partner and the poster can make change to avoid another similar argument.

Yes, O do agree that some posts do raise alarm in relation to safeguarding, but I don't think that's anywhere near the majority.

From what I see most women on here have a male partner so can't agree they all hate men, atall.

But the kind of post you describe is often - great relationship, we can't see eye to eye, reveals something DP has done that is quite worrying

Thankyou for seeing that in my original post, you have hit the nail on the head with this reply. I love the solidarity of supporting each other in posts, be that when a woman posts about bad experiences and gets support, or in ways of speaking up in support of the “unpopular opinion” especially in threads where a handful of posters don’t seem to be able to argue their point without resorting to being nasty to others in one way shape or form, either directly or indirectly (which usually looks like they are trying to fly under the radar to not get post deleted my mnhq)

As for women having a male partner meaning they cannot hate men, that’s a little worrying a view imo, don’t the men who hate women usually have a woman for a partner? So logically you can dislike/hate/ etc one sex and still associate with/ partner with and marry those from that group

Are you saying that mental health issues excuse abuse? Are you suggesting that a woman should stay in an abusive situation if her partner is mentally ill?

I would never tell anybody, male or female, to endanger themselves in such a way. Nobody is another person's support animal.

You would have to give links to specific examples, I have never seen this trend you mentioned.

However, perhaps if there are different responses to male versus female situations, it might be because women are, provably, demonstrably and irrefutably at far greater risk of death and physical harm from men than men are from women.

However, I have never seen anyone tell anyone on Mumsnet to put up with abuse or seem them ridiculed for expressing concern over abuse, regardless of whether they are male or female and regardless of mental health conditions.

And surely people are allowed to feel empathy towards those they empathise with. Are you now saying that women aren't allowed to empathise with other women on a women's site in case they upset men?

Nobody has the power to shut anyone down here. The point was well made that if you have a decent argument, it stands for itself.

Your personal perceptions aside, the majority of posters here do not hate men and do not believe that this site shows much misandry.

Those votes were anonymous and nobody was silenced.

I don't see posters making such conclusions. I do often see them stating that they see red flags based on their own experiences and reality.

Women on this site are usually very quick to state if they feel a woman has posted unfairly about a man. Again, you need to show specific examples.

And women must, of course, be free to express themselves as they choose, without being tone policed. This is one of the few sites where that is not moderated out of existence.

These are your perceptions, but they are not borne out by the posts I have read.

You are seeing these posts through the filter of your own implicit bias.

We all have them, our biases shape our perception of the world.

I too was once biased in favour of men, but age and experience has taught me to be more balanced, though I am still sometimes unfairly biased against women.

Are you saying that mental health issues excuse abuse? Are you suggesting that a woman should stay in an abusive situation if her partner is mentally ill
And here we go! NO It is not what I'm saying!

Sorry but it drives me mad how some posters read things to see others supporting male abuse -as if- because they are looking for it, or they know it's not what the poster meant but get a kick from trying to get them to rise to the bait to then accusing them of being unpleasant.

Absolutely. I wanted to reply in your defense, but tbh I stopped myself due to who had asked you those questions, there are a couple of people on this thread who I just don’t need to communicate with anymore

Now we even have womensplaining what bullying is and how it should be perceived. What is funny is certain posters usually launch into a tirade against men who date younger women yet say 'I don't hate men'.😂

Mumsnet has had a reputation globally as a place where women seem to take great delight in bullying other women. This is why I compared Mumsnet to my observation of having overarching responsibility in a predominantly female workplace is that women are very good at bullying via implication and manipulation.
Much like Mumsnet.

I’m sure this thread has moved on (CBA to read it all sorry) but most of the threads on here complaining about men describe men who are abusive or at the least is lazy/entitled. Often the OP seems genuinely confused as to whether abusive behaviour is unreasonable or not. I don’t think MN is to blame that so many men are shit.

Bare in mind women who in happy relationships with decent men are not going to be posting about it and TBH I seriously doubt anyone in a happy relationship will be offering said relationship up for online judgement if the issue really is nothing more than a spat over who empty’s the dishwasher.

Yes I love your way of explaining, we should not be told by another person how we should feel about something said to us

I absolutely agree with you here. Personally speaking I would chose to work with men over women as a general rule due to that which you describe.

@AbFabDaaaaahling , so after much tail chasing , you , a man admit that you perceive men to be better than women and prefer men 'as a general rule" . Go ahead and admit you hate women. And here you have been trying to tell us all along that all women hate men!!

So just go away. We do not need to be bullied by more men on our site.

@Whataretalkingabout I'm a woman!!!!! And I personally don't hate all men!
Please feel free to check my posting history if you need clarification 👍

But for those of us who have a great, loving relationship with their partners, there's no need to post, so it can look a bit one-sided. My personal frustration is not always directed at these 'vile' male partners, but the stupidity of the women for whom the bar is so low, it's on the floor, and the bad male partner gets away with it because he is allowed to. I get that past trauma can cause lack of self-esteem but I also know many people who had a shit time and have made a complete success of their lives. Change nothing; nothing changes.

Yes, but that's on them if they're doing the "lions share". Stop doing it. Don't allow future generations of men to think their female partner (your daughters) should do more than an equal share because, guess what, they're a woman. Madness.

"Womensplaining" isn't a thing, ffs.

How is the weather up there on that high horse @notofthisWorld11

Can you see the Aurora Borealis from there? 🙄

@Missamyp

Now we even have womensplaining what bullying is and how it should be perceived. What is funny is certain posters usually launch into a tirade against men who date younger women yet say 'I don't hate men'.😂

WOMANSPLAINING?! FFS! 😂

It could not be more obvious that you're a man. 😆

I have seen the Aurora Borealis and it was wonderful thanks. My view of the world is mine and has saved me from a lot of pain. You do you and I’ll do me. There’s room for both.

Yes and with good reason. I could write a novel on my own experiences with white men, as I'm sure many others could.

Women can be awful too but the statistics on men speak for themselves. Find me a woman that isn't frightened of the concept of men. Who isn't scared to walk alone, who isn't scared that their new partner might turn abusive or be a predator, etc.

Maybe I'm just very jaded at this point.

I'm not particularly worried about those things, although there are areas I probs wouldn't go for a run.