To think most women on here hate men

[Tanyahawkes]

Sorry for the rant but I’m noticing a pattern on mn, any post involving a man and a disagreement results in multiple calls of he’s a narcissist, he’s abusing, he’s controlling, leave the bastard!

I’ll admit that a list of posts do involve behaviour that is not nice from dh and dp. So many posts also can be interpreted in many ways too, I just feel like a large number of women jump to the worst conclusion first about a strangers partner, having only one side of a story told in a short version.

for anyone misunderstanding me, if a post says the partner is hurting physically, calling names, cheating, putting the op down, then yes I agree, ltb (so long as the post is true) it’s when a post says “great relationship, today partner upset me and we couldn’t see eye to eye” and everyone calls the poor guy a narcissist etc

Of course I don’t hate men. But the older I get the less time and patience I have for their bullshit, bad behaviour and all Other forms of misogyny and nonsense

MN is very too faced.
He cheats kick him out hes scum LTB.
She cheats MN tells her to keep her mouth shut and carry on as if shes done nothing wrong.
Makes me believe women cheat more than men.
And some posters dont see how abusive they sound.
But they are happy if its pay day and the CM is coming but its never enough for them.

I also think women rarely post after the first disagreement. It’s unlikely to be the first time he said/did something horrid.

A bit like a boiled frog the nastiness has crept up on her or like when an abused woman calls the police there has often been many more incidents that she hasn’t called about.

9 times out of 10, it may be trivial but is part of a long term issue with selfishness, laziness etc and the trivial argument is just the tip of the iceburg.

9 times out of 10, 'he's lovely', 'he's a great husband' etc is usually followed by verbal abuse, selfishness and/or laziness.

Despite it being trotted out that MN'ers are quick to say LTB. I haven't seen it where I don't feel it is justified.

In my experience though, a lot of posts like that often turn out to be the thin end of the wedge and there's often a significant back catalogue of twattish behaviour besides the minor/trivial reason for the OP posting.

And yes, there are some aggessive posters who just seem out for a fight, but i think there are more who can 'smell a rat' (often based on their own experience) and just want to help prevent other women putting up with rubbish treatment.

I’ll find the most recent one, I’m not saying there are even 5 posts like this, but one I read just before posting this really made me upset for the op that everyone was making her partner out to be abusive because he over reacted, now don’t get me wrong, maybe in 10 min op will say something to make me change my mind and agree actually he’s abusive, but I think it’s an argument that’s gone a bit far in terms of over reacting (personal opinion and obviously I might be wrong)

Women are so rarely believed (check out the proportion of rape convictions to rape reports, to women who wanted to report but couldn’t face being verbally raped a second time in court) oh and not forgetting the latest get out of jail free card related to women abused to the point of extreme violence and killed passed off as “a sex game gone wrong” despite description of the most vile cruelties imaginable.
see also acid attacks, “honour murders” etc.
Now let’s look at the men who murder their wives (and often their families) because they “lost control” of them. It’s reported in the press as “Lovely family man, couldn’t possibly have committed such an atrocity” “such a stalwart of the community”etc.
If women come here to ask other women if their worries are unfounded, oh dear I don’t want to accuse him it might ruin his Good Guy reputation, then fair enough. WHERE ELSE can they go for a friendly, understanding and supportive word?
When it gets to that point how often are they believed? How often are they accused of contributing to their abuse?
So no, it’s not that women hate men, it’s that they know they’d be believed if a bear assaulted them.

I went a long time thinking LTB meant "Learn to Breathe", which I thought was excellent advice!

But agree with the OP, the knee jerk anti men sentiment appears all too readily.

YABU
most women on MN hate men who treat their partner with zero respect.
doesn’t matter how nice he is 95% of the time, if he calls his partner ( & usually the mother of his children ) a fucking selfish cunt because she wants to do something he’s not happy with ….well. I’ll hate him for her.

I've been on MN for quite a few years and, oh my, it has been an eye-opening experience. I've been married nearly 50 years, but the degree of shit that some women put up with is simply astonishing.

By the time someone posts about their horrible relationship, it has usually reached a point where there is very little to salvage. Therefore, when I see a poster describing a situation which makes me react with 'run and save yourself' (and your children!), I recommend that they run.

@PurpleLampShades https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5070267-can-my-marriage-still-be-saved

Same here. I have really wised up to a lot of their BS that l just didn't see when l was younger.

Again I’ll say, this would be abuse and not the posts I’m talking about

We seem to be the minority on here

We live in a patriarchal society where women are socialised to be polite and self-sacrificing. This often ends with women accepting shit from men.

I think it's pretty healthy to embrace a bit of anger about me behaviour tbh.

This sounds a broken record but we are only hearing one side of any situation yet the claws come our and the endless double standard, I do wonder if women get tired of polishing their halo's

And yes I am female

YANBU- at all- but I suspect this won’t go down well. I do agree with you. People take it too far on here and I reckon some posters are drawn to pile-ons and assuming the worst about men if they themselves have had a negative experience. If your husband is ten minutes late home from work he’ll be staying with another woman. Etc etc etc.

I don't hate men, I have plenty in my life who are lovely. But they are still fucking entitled, if you place them in a societal context. They are utterly privileged and don't know it. I'm bringing up a DS and it is an uphill struggle some days because the default for him is that women are there to pick up the slack. He would be horrified if he thought he was behaving like this, but it's so ingrained in our society that he just...does. (Till he doesn't and that's my job and it is tiring.)

Unfortunately there are millions upon millions of them who are entitled and also just not very nice, not willing to learn or change. Because it's work, and there's no benefit to them in doing it. It does my head in. Men overall are a bloody burden on women, in every arena of life, and it's infuriating. But that's the society we've got! Thank goodness we can make ourselves aware of it en masse these days.

Ah yes, but 30:70 is a big minority. Probably a hung parliament!

Quite often yes the posts are warranting the run and save yourself and the children, I fully agree with that, it’s probably one post in 1000000 that’s not, or may not be, however the op will still be told 100 times to leave even if it’s not clear if it’s an argument that’s just normal (healthy argument maybe, over reaction on one or both parts maybe, but not abusive)

No, most women on here don't hate men. However it's a female-oriented site so it's going to centre women and sadly a lot of threads are prompted by men treating women very badly.

The very fact that it's the go to for so many angry MRAs is proof that there aren't that many places that centre women the way MN does; if there were, there wouldn't be so many of them because they'd have more places to go. MN isn't a perfectly balanced place but female-centred places aren't that common and a lot of people see that female centre as misandry, though they wouldn't see an equivalent male place as misogynistic.

I think it's a sign of someone's own prejudice and lack of insight to come on here, see the number of accounts of truly awful male behaviour and conclude that the problem is that women hate men.

The LTBs don't worry me either. Women aren't leaving fabulous healthy relationships with wonderful men because of MN. That's paranoid nonsense from people who are deeply threatened by female spaces, know nothing about how hard it is to leave abusive relationships and think women are really that incapable of making their own decisions.

for anyone misunderstanding me, if a post says the partner is hurting physically, calling names, cheating, putting the op down, then yes I agree, ltb (so long as the post is true) it’s when a post says “great relationship, today partner upset me and we couldn’t see eye to eye” and everyone calls the poor guy a narcissist etc

YABU for multiple reasons.

1. Even if you think many posters are too harsh with their LTBs, that does not mean they hate all men, does it? Pretty much all will have male relatives, friends and acquaintances they like or love.
2. It is ok to end a relationship because you are not happy with how your partner treats you. Nobody gets to say to someone else 'That behaviour isn't bad enough for you to leave him'.
3. Your example is unrealistic. Posters generally only say LTB over one incident if it's really, really bad. Otherwise, someone always asks what he's like normally. About 90% of the time it turns out to be a pattern of behaviour.
4. MN isn't a hive mind. Lots of posters give non-LTB suggestions.

“great relationship, today partner upset me.."

Many times these posts turn out to be a straw that broke the camel's back scenario. Women on here who have been through abusive relationships can often recognise the signs of it, and dig a little deeper and lo and behold it isn't just a trivial argument, but a pattern of behaviour. You've given examples of obvious ltb behaviour (cheating, violence etc,) but emotional abuse can be more insidious than that, more of a chipping away/boiled frog. People are free to ignore reactions and advice that they feel is OTT, but imho those are worth it for the countless times I've seen women bolstered and supported on here when they've otherwise been made to feel small and that their concerns are insignificant.

Keep doing an amazing job raising your boy the right way, plenty have been raised to be giant babies, or worse. There are some amazing men out there, and yes they are rare, there are more wrong ones, I will not disagree.

my point is mostly about the good ones, sometimes they get treated like they are arseholes, for being human, seems the good men are getting a bad rep just for being male