Am I being mugged off by DP

[Maccaj78]

I have been with my DP for 14 Years which have not been easy. He has always been difficult unless he is getting what's he wants. He has never worked and I do each month he takes my wages and then tells me what I am allowed to have and then I practically have to beg for it. I earn good money yet he always insists we have none. My money pays all bills and food and he says he doesn't have anything yet there are always online packages arriving. He screams if I ask when he got them as he got them with his own money lol!! The other I questioned this again and he told me to get out of his house (which I pay for) knowing I have no where to go and that I have only just handed him my wages. I then looked into an old email of mine that he is using and found hundreds of online receipts from DH Gate and eBay as he constantly tells me he never gets anything. He just told me they were things he sent back.. lies because his wardrobe (which I rarely go in) is full of brand new clothes in packets he told he just likes stuff. He wears the same thing everyday!! He said I'm ungrateful for the thing I have and greedy and don't want to buy him anything.
AIBU for thinking I'm being used and mugged off

No of course you're not being unreasonable to be gutted, it's really hard having to leave your home 😢 but you are gaining your safety and freedom so it's going to be worth it. You will have a new home where you can do what want, have your own money and please yourself. Just breathe. It will be ok, I promise. This is the hardest bit. Better days are coming.

That's not a home, it's a house.

A home is safe and secure. The main thing is you are gone when gets back. Pack what you can and get out.

@Maccaj78 surely you can prove to the landlord you pay the bills and the rent if partner isn’t working?

You need to open your own accounts and have your salary paid there and make sure he hasn’t taken out loans in your name right away.

You must get out of this, you deserve happiness and some lovely things from your hard work.

It doesn't feel like it now OP I know but very soon you will feel so much lighter, having shed the millstone around your neck
Be gentle with yourself because you have been in survival mode, taking his abuse and having no autonomy
Now you have a chance to thrive
Lean on any support you have around you( colleagues?)
If you have drifted from friends because he isolated and controlled you, try to reconnect when you feel able
You've been very brave today.

He snapped my arm last yesr because I text my daughters father for her uni address

You are absolutley not unreasonable to be gutted, he's completely shafted you, thank God he's in custody so you can at least collect your things. Also it was not a home it was a cage he wouldn't let you leave. The next couple of months may be a bit difficult whilst you find your feet, please contact your EAP if you have one. When you have your own home and your own freedom when you get to keep your own money you will feel so much better.

Well done OP really sorry he found your thread. I wonder if he has any snooping software on any of your devices. Xx

Do the police know about this OP. xx You need to make them aware of how dangerous he is. Xx

Thank you 🙏

No one on here can make you do anything but if true you need to go to womens aid... say you feeling ill in work and go to your nearest one someone will talk to you.
Leaving is hard af but staying is much much harder... people worry what will I do about x y z but it comes easily soon as you make 1st move to get help

No

Macca things will get easier and better even though it does not feel like it now. I left my ex with a 2 week old baby and after I left felt I could breathe again and things will improve. Women's Aid please call them as they can help accommodate you and help you get your life back on track, maybe even move closer to your family or somewhere else that you will feel safe. Take each day as it comes and write a list of all the things he has done to you over the years. Be kind to yourself and you are very brave as not easy to move forward. This time nx year you will not know yourself as you will be so much stronger and happier. Keep posting for support as most women on here great.

Tell the police every incident you can remember so that they have enough information to keep you safe.

I'm not sure you have to leave as joint tenants but I think you'd be safer. Tomorrow talk to your company and ask for support in keeping you safe.

Tomorrow please open a bank account in a different bank in your name. Wise is online and incredibly easy.

Tonight get every single thing you value out of the property to somewhere safe. Even if that is a lockbox rental.

I agree with the other poster - please tell the police about this too.

Well done for contacting them tonight x

You’re being very brave @Maccaj78 and I wish you well. 💐
Think about making a Clare’s Law application too. How old is your abusive partner?

Holy fuck you were so unreasonable to put up with this shit for 14 years! You deserve so much better.

Oh god, this is right up there with some of the most awful things I've read on here! Sweetheart, you need to get away from him! He's an abusive, lazy bastard! Do you have anyone in real life you can turn to? I can't believe you have tolerated this for 14 years. It's so far from normal. It's sick. Please please please get yourself out of this xx

You need to split up with him. He has no right to say what you do with YOUR money. Why does ge not earn? How does he support himself? Does he get benefits?

What?!! Is that your helpful contribution?!

No my cat jumped on me before I finished

Please take your stuff and get out tonight, while he's in custody. And tell the police everything. Stay in a Premier Inn if you have to, but just get out of there!

😁bloody cats! (I love them, I have three)

Your life sounds absolutely unbearable. You have had 14 years of hell.

One day you will be OK and look back at this a sorry chapter.

Reading the comments lots of people have given advice, so I will say I hope you remember how strong you are. You must be to have put up with all this.

He's nothing but a tiny bully who is weak and pathetic.

I bloody forget what I was going to say! She's been having a zoomie so wasn't expecting it when she jumped up.